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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Keeping a 3 bedroom council house when your children have grown up

1000 replies

Iwishitwerewarmer · 03/04/2026 07:41

Just pondering - what are everyone’s opinions on a single parent raising their children in a council house/housing association house and staying there once their children have moved out? Should they downsize into a one bed flat/smaller property or is it their right to remain in their home/neighbourhood?

Added extra - they have looked after the property well, have landscaped the garden, installed a new kitchen and generally added value to the property.

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 03/04/2026 09:01

This thread is like BINGO.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 03/04/2026 09:01

InterestedDad37 · 03/04/2026 08:56

I grew up in council housing. They're there to cater for need. One person theoretically doesn't need the house once the kids have left.

But then where do they go? My friend’s DM who moved to the seaside and encouraged her youngest child (daughter) to move there too and get a council mortgage on a property as she’d done. Daughter then cared for the mum in old age.

Theverylasttwo · 03/04/2026 09:02

My elderly uncle lives in a three bedroom council house alone. He's lived there for over 60 years. I do think he should have been offered a smaller bungalow to free up the house for a family. Whether or not he should have been forced or offered an incentive to move, I really don't know. His whole life has been in the same area with relatives and friends nearby.

I can't imagine having to leave your home when the children have flown the nest. In today's society they often need to return too.

PersephonePomegranate · 03/04/2026 09:03

There isn't enough council stock and they're depriving a family, most importantly children, of a secure home of an adequate size.

Always amuses me how left wingers are all about the good of society until they get something. Then other people and their needs go out the window - it's mine. We all conservative, really.

Charlize43 · 03/04/2026 09:04

Iwishitwerewarmer · 03/04/2026 07:50

How are the tax payer funding that person? People in council houses and housing association homes pay rent like everyone else and a lot work full time.

Those rents are not the market rate and are subsidize by the taxpayer. There is no magic money tree behind the council offices - it is called Council Tax & Income Tax.

Not everyone in council homes works full time, a lot don't work at all and their rent is paid for by housing benefit - which again is paid for by the taxpayer.

ImLeavingWalford · 03/04/2026 09:05

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 03/04/2026 08:56

My best friend’s mum lived in a 3 bedroom council house and when she retired she swapped for a bungalow by the sea which she bought under right to buy. All her ties to her original area had gone.

My other best friend lives in a 3 bedroom council house, her DC have now left home but she’s done a lot to the place, new kitchen, new flooring, well kept garden. She got this house in a swap from a flat when her daughter was a toddler and son a baby. I don’t see why she should move, she lives there with her partner.

Read the whole thread and you will see why she should move, downsize, when asked by the council to do so.

InterestedDad37 · 03/04/2026 09:05

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 03/04/2026 09:01

But then where do they go? My friend’s DM who moved to the seaside and encouraged her youngest child (daughter) to move there too and get a council mortgage on a property as she’d done. Daughter then cared for the mum in old age.

Presumably councils offer a smaller property. Don't know what happens, I'd left home and my parents died before retirement age.

HoraceCope · 03/04/2026 09:05

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 03/04/2026 08:27

I know that I won’t be popular for saying this but absolutely they should be made to downsize.

how about people who own their own homes?
they are often encouraged to sell and downsize

Tryagain26 · 03/04/2026 09:05

It's their home and they shouldn't have move any more than someone who has bought their house should. Part of the point of social housing was to give security of tenure.

PandoraSocks · 03/04/2026 09:06

Choosos · 03/04/2026 08:47

If you really wanted you could help her make a facebook account and join a honeswappers group there’s millions in them looking for a bigger home. Idk about one beds but definitely two beds are looking for bigger homes

I think an issue in @PlattyCat aunt's case and many cases is that she needs something on the ground floor. So there might be one or two bedroom flats available, but not on the ground floor.

It is all very well saying someone in their 70s should give up their home, but if there are no suitable properties, it is a bit of a moot point.

Sparklechoppy · 03/04/2026 09:06

Problem is often some of the people that want people to downsize to 'free up houses for those who need it' would be up in arms about large families on benefits 'just to get a bigger house' getting one..

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 03/04/2026 09:06

ImLeavingWalford · 03/04/2026 09:05

Read the whole thread and you will see why she should move, downsize, when asked by the council to do so.

She hasn’t been asked to move. Also her business is local to where she lives.

HoraceCope · 03/04/2026 09:06

i have 3 bedroom house, HA,
it is not a tenancy for life however,

3 dc
all left
one returned
so now we have a spare room, for a dc when they visit,
seems fair to me
my neighbours are all in the same position, none of us are moving out.

LiveLuvLaugh · 03/04/2026 09:06

Sirzy · 03/04/2026 07:50

I do think local authorities who have a shortage of family houses should help incentivise people to move to smaller places but I don’t like the idea of forcing them out.

This

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 03/04/2026 09:06

My opinion is that it depends if you are paying for it.
If you are paying full rent then I really don’t have a problem with it.
Getting your rent paid then no, you should have to move.
I think there is an issue with bungalows too. We need more bungalows but ones with a maximum of 2 bedrooms so they are used by older people or disabled people. Not families who wack bedrooms on top making them into dorma bungalows.

HoraceCope · 03/04/2026 09:07

would someone retired be paying full rent?
i doubt it,

givemesteel · 03/04/2026 09:07

My nan lived in a 3 bedroom semi detached council house all her life until she went into a care home. 4 decades of those would have been with no children in the home.

I think it would have been fair to move her when the oldest child moved when she was in her 40s. But it would have been unreasonable to ask her to move when she was in her 70s or 80s, it would have been too much for her.

Anyone who is already old I think you just have to accept and leave them there until they die.

But anyone who is working age should be made to move one their eldest child is 18.

And it's not "their" home, it's owned by the government. We never thought my nan's home was "hers".

PandoraSocks · 03/04/2026 09:07

vodkaredbullgirl · 03/04/2026 09:01

This thread is like BINGO.

Sure is.

5128gap · 03/04/2026 09:08

WorkCleanRepeat · 03/04/2026 08:53

In an ideal world they would buy it or move. The discount they get covers the deposit. Its not like they even have to save it.

The secure tenancies means they are perfectly entitled to stay and pay a subsidised rent as long as they like though.

They are not paying a subsididised rent. They are paying a not for profit rent. Which is obviously going to be lower given its not required to be of the level to make private individuals money. The tax payer funds extortionate subsidies to private tenants in UC and HB that go to line landlords pockets. Pushing people out of council homes into the private sector costs us more.

Sparklechoppy · 03/04/2026 09:08

Tryagain26 · 03/04/2026 09:05

It's their home and they shouldn't have move any more than someone who has bought their house should. Part of the point of social housing was to give security of tenure.

This is true and at one point a third of the population lived in them. Also they were never meant 'just for poor people'. In fact the idea was a doctor would live next to a butcher etc they were for everyone.

Peekingovertheparapet · 03/04/2026 09:09

It’s a really thorny issue. It’s easy to sit there as a comfortable person with secure housing and somehow villainise the poor (we’ve been doing it for centuries after all) as somehow being at fault for their poorer opportunity in life, and also just being awful people who are causing others to live in even more hardship. The reality is of course that many of us are one dodgy corporate reorg away from the breadline ourselves.

When it comes to social housing, the reality is that the supply/demand issue is rooted in right to buy, loads of the social housing in my hometown was bought off and later sold at handsome profit.

My parent is still in the council house I grew up in. It is bigger than they need, especially after the sudden death of the other parent, who had the stronger claim to that property although it’s a joint tenancy. We did talk about and prepare for downsize, as the assumption was that would be expected but there doesn’t seem to be anything to move them to. I think if a realistic option were presented it would be an easy move, and I know they hate the idea that others might be in need.

The thing that treating humans like livestock who can just be shipped around misses though is that people don’t exist in isolation, they are communities, and this is especially important when they get older. The 50s and 60s saw London’s East End decimated and people shipped out to newer housing in the suburbs. The housing was often much better but the communities were fractured which was disastrous for the people. So downsizing needs to be geographically relevant, and that really means the same town or part of it.

None of the issues faced by those in private rental are in any way the fault of those in social housing - that’s caused by market factors, mortgage rates, taxation of property income, and rising costs. All of which get passed on through market rate increases.

VanillaDaydream · 03/04/2026 09:09

My DM is in this situation. She knows her 3 bed home would be ideal for a family. She still works full time and is able to manage the rent on her single income without benefits. She has looked at downsizing to a one bedroom flat. There aren’t many and the rent is a lot more to the point it would not be financially viable for her. Her council do offer incentives to downsize such as paying for moving costs or a one off payment but it doesn’t help moving forwards with the ongoing payment of higher rents. She’s stuck between a rock and hard place at the moment and she doesn’t have a solution to her problem at the moment.

PandoraSocks · 03/04/2026 09:09

givemesteel · 03/04/2026 09:07

My nan lived in a 3 bedroom semi detached council house all her life until she went into a care home. 4 decades of those would have been with no children in the home.

I think it would have been fair to move her when the oldest child moved when she was in her 40s. But it would have been unreasonable to ask her to move when she was in her 70s or 80s, it would have been too much for her.

Anyone who is already old I think you just have to accept and leave them there until they die.

But anyone who is working age should be made to move one their eldest child is 18.

And it's not "their" home, it's owned by the government. We never thought my nan's home was "hers".

But lot of 18 year olds still live at home. Lots of 20+ year olds still live at home.

givemesteel · 03/04/2026 09:09

Amiacoolorwarmcolour · 03/04/2026 09:06

My opinion is that it depends if you are paying for it.
If you are paying full rent then I really don’t have a problem with it.
Getting your rent paid then no, you should have to move.
I think there is an issue with bungalows too. We need more bungalows but ones with a maximum of 2 bedrooms so they are used by older people or disabled people. Not families who wack bedrooms on top making them into dorma bungalows.

But if you can afford full rent, you don't need the council house surely?

It's like when Bob Crow continued living in a council house despite earning £145k, it's dumbfounding.

Gloriousgardener11 · 03/04/2026 09:10

I think it’s up to the council to suggest you downsize and offer you something lovely but that’s just a pipe dream.
My husband’s grandparents lived in a three bed council house to themselves for the best part of 50+ years once their only daughter got married and moved out at 19.
Prior to that his grandmother had her parents live there until they died so at one point the house was full up and within a few years it was just the two of them.
Even when the house became their prison towards the end of their life there was never a suggestion of being housed in something more suitable to free it up for a family.

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