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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Keeping a 3 bedroom council house when your children have grown up

1000 replies

Iwishitwerewarmer · 03/04/2026 07:41

Just pondering - what are everyone’s opinions on a single parent raising their children in a council house/housing association house and staying there once their children have moved out? Should they downsize into a one bed flat/smaller property or is it their right to remain in their home/neighbourhood?

Added extra - they have looked after the property well, have landscaped the garden, installed a new kitchen and generally added value to the property.

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 03/04/2026 10:53

My sister and BIL are in theirs and they have a combined income of 90k and don’t give a shit about housing shortage or people worse off. Sickening. They intend to stay until the very end so their kids can inherit the tenancy and buy it.

x2boys · 03/04/2026 10:54

Nopenousername · 03/04/2026 10:52

Tenancy agreement is in place to show that they can legally occupy the property. It doesn’t confirm ownership. Just like a book you borrow from a library is never yours but there is an agreement in place that you can use it providing you stick to their T&C’s.

It ,s still their home
You dont have to own a property for it to be your home.

ElizabethReed · 03/04/2026 10:55

Whosthetabbynow · 03/04/2026 10:53

My sons grew up in HA They’re both professionals now

One of the lads that I fancied at school was from the council Estate he’s been in prison for 35 years for murder
It can go either way

Walkaround · 03/04/2026 10:55

ImLeavingWalford · 03/04/2026 09:21

No one should be pushed out to rent privately, and I don’t think anyone on this thread is suggesting this, however, they should be relocated to a smaller council property.

And if there are none, locally? Would you chuck her out of her current home and into temporary accommodation in a Travelodge, to make way for a family currently in a Travelodge, given the shortage of available social housing of any size? Do you think that should happen? Or maybe move her to the other end of the country to a cheaper area, to make way for a family in her area, because then you’re only moving one person hundreds of miles from their support networks and wider family, rather than an entire family (albeit pissing off everyone in the cheaper part of the country, because their councils can’t outbid wealthier councils scores or hundreds of miles away for accommodation for their own homeless population)? Would you like to see how badly people can behave, or how mentally ill they can become, and how little they can care for the community around them when they feel they have no security, few rights, no sense of belonging to the community, and no respect, because you would likely be increasing the number of such people if you took protections away from those who had finally made it to the top of the waiting lists and been allocated somewhere, and continued to gouge away at many people’s most fundamental desire (to have a home where they feel they belong and feel safe and secure)? Fear of losing your home has a massive effect on behaviour, so unnatural behaviours, lies and manipulations would increase, just so that people can maintain their sense of security and stay in their safe space. And this is not to mention how expensive it would in reality be to councils to keep moving tenants in and out of properties as they juggle changing needs and availability - moving people around is never actually cheap, it costs a lot of money to move people around.

There are no simple answers when houses are investments, not just (or not even) homes - even in the private sector, many wealthy, elderly homeowners of large homes can’t sell their large homes to families at the moment, even when they want to, because families can’t afford them, and in any event they often can’t find places to downsize to, because the families are squeezing themselves into the smaller properties they can afford to maintain, or separated families are buying them up, or people bought them as investment properties. The next big thing will be former private family homes being converted into cramped HMOs, except then wealthy homeowners will complain about disaffected people being moved into their neighbourhoods and changing the character of the area, and having children will become ever less appealing as family-sized homes remain an unaffordable commodity even if councils are playing accommodation chess. Currently, there is a lot of underused or empty accommodation around the country, due to properties’ use as investment (between 100,000 and 300,000 properties in London, for example), holiday homes, holiday lets, inheritances, etc, so the problem is not just lack of space, it’s also the collision of market forces with fundamental needs in which the majority of people in this country are now the loser, because we all suffer when our sense of community is disrupted and large numbers of people struggle to afford to pay for a home to live in. Pretending it’s simple is what political parties do when in opposition. Reality is infinitely more complex and every “solution” tried to date is just the creation of more problems, as social need butts up against the marketplace, with each destabilised by the requirements of the other.

I’m therefore on the fence on this one. I think she should ideally move if there is somewhere smaller and appropriate to move to, but can also see why the whole thing is really not as simple as we would like it to be.

Nopenousername · 03/04/2026 10:55

Just to add to my previous post, if the op is complying with the terms of their tenancy agreement, I don’t think they should necessary have to move whatever their current circs but it is NOT their home. It belongs to the HA or LA

BillieWiper · 03/04/2026 10:55

Fine by me. The less people in the house the less noisy or nuisance they can be.

Just because it's a council house doesn't mean it shouldn't be their home for life. Anyone who thinks otherwise is obviously prejudiced against council tenants.

ProjectHailMary · 03/04/2026 10:55

Seymour5 · 03/04/2026 07:59

Not sure why you think the taxpayer subsidises the rents for all social housing tenants? If the tenant does receive housing benefit, it will be reduced due to her having too many bedrooms, the reduction is commonly known as ‘Bedroom Tax’. That is a big incentive for some tenants to downsize.

However, if the tenant is paying the full rent for the property, then there is no financial incentive for her to move into a smaller home.

Because the rent is discounted from market rate therefore the opportunity cost (i.e. subsidy) is the difference between the market rent and the lower rent charged. If it were not for this subsidy that money could be used for other public services, or invested in other assets (like building more homes) etc. The pretence that a below-market rent is not subsidised is a nonsense and wouldn’t be accepted in any financial reporting.

That’s not to say that it isn’t a good thing that subsidised housing exists - it is. And arguably there should be more of it. It’s just silly when people pretend it isn’t subsidised because any asset being used at a discount means that there is a subsidy, by definition, whether the asset belongs to the state, a housing association, a company etc.

The issue is the mismatched distribution of a scare resource which lifelong tenancies have created. It is not the fault of the people occupying these houses; like most human beings they will act in their own best interests and not those of the wider population so given that they are currently allowed to stay in subsidised properties that far exceed their requirements of course most of them will do so.

It is the rules that need to change to ensure that people do not have the option to stay in a subsidised properly at a huge discount long after they require it and when others require it more. Permanent tenancies for subsidised housing should be abolished and needs reassessed every 5 years so that we are distributing the available subsidised housing resources more effectively.

H3342 · 03/04/2026 10:56

You have pretty much described me in your OP!

It is unutterably selfish to stay in my home now I don't need it.

My wants should not trump another person's needs. I was thrilled and so lucky to get my lovely home when the children were little.

Now I should pass my good luck onto someone else. Which I am trying to do!

Other "oldies" should do the same, but from what I hear, a lot won't. Selfish to the core. So what if it "scares" them (get over it) or the house is "full of memories" (on a par to 'making memories' as a vomit inducing phrase) -memories go with you. Do people who have lost their homes all of a sudden have no memories?? Of course not.

Whosthetabbynow · 03/04/2026 10:56

ElizabethReed · 03/04/2026 10:55

One of the lads that I fancied at school was from the council Estate he’s been in prison for 35 years for murder
It can go either way

Not in my case so… So if you grow up in a privately owned home you’re less likely to go to prison? Your mindset is very outdated

Okbyethen · 03/04/2026 10:56

As long as you can afford to pay the bedroom tax then fill yer boots

todayImstruggling · 03/04/2026 10:56

Personally I think this whole issue should be flipped. I would like to see far more “council” houses built. So that the two norms become buying a home or long term rental from the councils or housing associations. Private rental being primarily for those who can afford it and want more luxury accommodation or short term rentals.
Id also like to see more 65+ developments where services were on hand including care providers. This would help to reduce the cost of care as carers wouldn’t have to travel great distances between service users. This should be incentivised for those who are in larger housing to downsize to such communities by offering cheaper rents and cheaper care packages

Purplecatshopaholic · 03/04/2026 10:56

Blueshoey484 · 03/04/2026 10:48

Downsize to where? Lots of housing associations or councils have very few one bedroom houses or flats

Oh absolutely agree it’s all part of the problem. Councils should be building smaller properties (and some are, but it’s not fast enough. Buying your council house should never have been allowed. Bloody Thatcher). People should downsize, always assuming smaller properties are available. You can’t penalise people in larger properties if there’s nowhere smaller to move to.

x2boys · 03/04/2026 10:57

MaggieBsBoat · 03/04/2026 10:53

My sister and BIL are in theirs and they have a combined income of 90k and don’t give a shit about housing shortage or people worse off. Sickening. They intend to stay until the very end so their kids can inherit the tenancy and buy it.

Yeah it doesnt work thst way anymore
There is usually one succession of tenancy so i have a joint tenancy with my Dh if I die before him he inherits the tenancy as a single tenant and vice versa, our kids cant inherit the tenancy.

LlynTegid · 03/04/2026 10:57

I do think that rents should be means tested for social housing, so that if your income changes, you pay more. And if social housing is to be sold to tenants, there is an enforceable sell on clause if the sale is below market value.

Whosthetabbynow · 03/04/2026 10:57

Okbyethen · 03/04/2026 10:56

As long as you can afford to pay the bedroom tax then fill yer boots

You only pay that if you’re in receipt of benefits and under-occupying

H3342 · 03/04/2026 10:57

x2boys · 03/04/2026 10:54

It ,s still their home
You dont have to own a property for it to be your home.

Yes it it their home.

But it isn't their house.

Blueshoey484 · 03/04/2026 10:58

ElizabethReed · 03/04/2026 10:42

You were definitely bottom of the pile if you lived in a Council property even in the late 90s
There was an Estate nearby and nobody mixed with those children.

That's nonsense. I grew up in council housing. I wasn't "bottom of the pile". I had friends who lived in council housing and ones who didn't. I think it's astonishing the snobbery towards people who rent compared to those who don't.

moofolk · 03/04/2026 10:58

She should be able to stay if she wants. It’s not her fault that council housing was sold off!

Ironically if she’d contributed to the decimation of social housing stock by buying it from the council nobody would be telling her she had a duty to other people to move.

Tacohill · 03/04/2026 10:58

They should be given incentives to move but not forced.

Near me there is a woman in a 4 bed home.
Her kids are all over 30.
She inherited a lot of money and her kids were able to all get on the property ladder.
All the kids own their own homes and are doing well for themselves. 2 in particular are very well off.
So there is very little chance that any of them will need to move back home.

But a few doors down there is a couple with 3 kids in a 1 bed bungalow.
Both parents work hard but neither will receive any form of inheritance and so have to rely on waiting on a bigger council house, which can be in any area and will mean having to move children’s schools and changing jobs.

It seems really unfair that so many people are overcrowded whilst there are people living in homes that really don’t need them.
But I am also against the idea of kicking people out of their family homes, especially if they are good tenants and neighbours.

Random321 · 03/04/2026 10:58

Unpopular, I don't.

If someone isn't in a position to provide their own housing and benefits from housing subsidies or reduced rents, then the accommodation should be best used for everyine that allies to.

No one should be permitted to stay in a 3 bedroom when they only need one.

It's essentually taking rooms away from others who need them.

BackToLurk · 03/04/2026 10:58

ImLeavingWalford · 03/04/2026 10:52

But the same could be said of private landlords benefiting from others wages, having their mortgages paid by their tenants going to work.

That’s the benefit of being a landlord, someone else buys the property for them - or at least gives them a decent monthly income. Everyone knows this and why else would anyone become a landlord if this wasn’t the case.

The tax-payer could be removed from the situation for tenants renting privately if the tenants didn’t claim benefits and worked. The tax-payer is not out of or never can be when tenants are renting a council property (bought with tax-payers money). That’s why tax-payers feel they have a say on who the council properties should go to.

Many people in work are in receipt of housing benefit. And the majority of people on benefits are on them temporarily. People’s situations change. And everyone is a ‘taxpayer’ to a greater or lesser extent.

You seem to have a very weird view that council housing (maybe social housing in general) is entirely populated by people on benefit who never work and whose children will never work.

Whosthetabbynow · 03/04/2026 10:59

LlynTegid · 03/04/2026 10:57

I do think that rents should be means tested for social housing, so that if your income changes, you pay more. And if social housing is to be sold to tenants, there is an enforceable sell on clause if the sale is below market value.

Yeh and your mortgage debt repayments that you owe the bank should also increase if you get a pay rise

moofolk · 03/04/2026 11:00

Just reading back through the comments, the snobbery on mumsnet never ceases to amaze me.

Do most of the middle class just hold the working class in utter disdain?!

BackToLurk · 03/04/2026 11:01

ProjectHailMary · 03/04/2026 10:55

Because the rent is discounted from market rate therefore the opportunity cost (i.e. subsidy) is the difference between the market rent and the lower rent charged. If it were not for this subsidy that money could be used for other public services, or invested in other assets (like building more homes) etc. The pretence that a below-market rent is not subsidised is a nonsense and wouldn’t be accepted in any financial reporting.

That’s not to say that it isn’t a good thing that subsidised housing exists - it is. And arguably there should be more of it. It’s just silly when people pretend it isn’t subsidised because any asset being used at a discount means that there is a subsidy, by definition, whether the asset belongs to the state, a housing association, a company etc.

The issue is the mismatched distribution of a scare resource which lifelong tenancies have created. It is not the fault of the people occupying these houses; like most human beings they will act in their own best interests and not those of the wider population so given that they are currently allowed to stay in subsidised properties that far exceed their requirements of course most of them will do so.

It is the rules that need to change to ensure that people do not have the option to stay in a subsidised properly at a huge discount long after they require it and when others require it more. Permanent tenancies for subsidised housing should be abolished and needs reassessed every 5 years so that we are distributing the available subsidised housing resources more effectively.

Did it occur to you that the ‘market rate’ may be artificially high?

millymollymoomoo · 03/04/2026 11:01

I completely disagree with the concept of a council home for life, its needs base. Your kids grow up , you now don’t need the space. Simple. It’s not your house, it belongs to the state to be re used. There should be no right to remain - and income should always be assessed as should savings etc to determine right to housing

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