AIBU to refuse inheritance so my estranged father cannot benefit?

[Kate8889]

My father lives in my home country (Russia) and he would inherit 1/4 of my assets if I die before him, and same in reverse, if he passes away first. He abandoned me and my mom when I was 5 to go into a cult, hasn't helped in any way since and communicated only to ask me to forgive his child support debt.

So far I haven't had much in my name there except a very modest bank account. Unfortunately, my grandma is not doing well and wishes to write me into her will for a country cabin we have.

I told my grandma that because he would automatically get a portion if anything were to happen to me, I do not want anything in my name in my home country, to give it to my mom. She is very offended and thinks she's giving me this big gift.

Another consideration is that I would have to take leave from work without much notice and go and accept the inheritance, which would be mega stressful. My mom is all but retired so shed be fine to go.

I mean you don't have to.

But your thinking feels off to me.

Most parents die first. So it's unlikely that he will inherit from you.

Write a will?

Where do you live? In England you can leave money as you see fit. What country awards parents money?

Why would he inherit? Why can’t you write a will?

I can write a will but by law he would still get 1/4 of my assets in Russia

Especially since it’s property it sounds tricky, OP. Presumably you couldn’t sell it and then have control of the money, or give it to your mum?

is there any provision in Russian law for you to vary the will after your grandmothers death so you do not have to return?

is having you return part of what your grandmother hopes to influence by leaving the cabin to you?

Bearing in mind none of us are experts in Russian inheritance or property law, maybe you could

a) accept it and sell it immediately
b) accept it and transfer ownership to your mother, who could then
i) sell it and give you the money
ii) sell it and keep/spend the money
iii) keep it and hope that you both outlive him

I go see her every year, so no. She just loves me a lot and it's her way of showing that. I could sell the cabin but it wouldn't go for much and that money would be difficult to bring over to the US

Do you even live in Russia?

Why would he get anything if you write a will? What country are you residing in

Obviously it's your choice but I can see why she's upset.
Seems a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face to me.

Because no matter when she lives (sounds US), the Russian inheritance law will apply for stuff she owns in Russia

But after your grandmother's death, it would be your property and then you're free to sell it? I would do that. If it's hard to bring the money out of Russia then you could pass that on to other relatives there or give it to charity even. You're no worse off but you have accepted the gift and not upset your grandmother.

Also agree with @HarlanCobenDogshit - your dad is much more likely to die before you and then it's not even an issue.

But why would you assume anything will happen to you?

Take the inheritance, blow it all & enjoy yourself, leave nothing for him to have if it makes you feel better, but the likelihood is you’d outlive him in any case.

Of write a UK legally binding will that you leave everything to the RSPCA or similar??

Couldn't you sell the cabin to your mum for £1?

I get it, had a similar family situation, I would refuse it too. I now part own a Property with an estranged family member and its just caused stress tbh. Same thing, another country with forced heirship

Sell the cabin, bring the money back to the US, spend it or will it to whoever you wish! No inheritance/property in Russia then for anyone else to get.

No but out of principle I don't want my sad getting anything of mine

I think you were rude to your Grandmother to respond to her like that, so I would advise making amends with her.

Unless there's something you're not telling us, you're more likely to outlive your father, so this all just seems rather "cut your nose off to spite your face".

I have a genetic condition which on average shorterns life by 20 years

This. Accept the inheritance, but write a will making your mother your heir.

I'm not sure anyone is really able to give you any proper answers, because we're not going to be familiar with Russian inheritance laws.

Presumably your concern is based on the fact if you died before your Dad, he's entitled by Russian law to inherit a 1/4 of any assets you have in Russia?

Selling the property and moving the money from Russia to the US, I think would be very difficult, if not impossible. You'd need to speak with someone in the US, who could provide you will correct advice.

I do understand why your grandmother would be upset. She wants to do something nice for you. Of course, there's always a possibility of you dying before your parents. There's no guarantees in life. However, maybe you need to look at the likelihood of that happening, it's probably very small.

If you feel strongly and don't want to take the chance, then it may be better for your Mum to inherit, rather than you. The less assets you have in Russia, the better it will be for you.

Considering it’s unlikely you will die before him, I don’t think this was worth upsetting your grandma over.

Why can’t you sell the dacha and give cash to your mum?

I think I understand your position.

The country cabin is of little to no value to you - you can't use it (as you don't live in Russia) and you wouldn't have any real profit from selling it (little value after currency conversion, hard to get the money out of country).

It has a specific cost to you - you'd have to come at a short notice.
I suppose selling it might mean additional visits might be needed.

Plus, there is the emotional risk, that inheriting it can lead to your father getting a part, ehich given your health condition is a relevant option.

The only positive aspect is making your grandma happy feeling that she is bequesting you something valuable (while it's not true).

I suppose I'd go with practicality aspect - living abroad, unable to take care, it would all fall on your mother, so would like to ask her to actually make it your mum's officially.

To the other posters - the OP isn't asking for a legal advice, she is trying to arrange her thoughts about a difficult topic. Let's just take the 1/4 to father at a face value :)