AIBU to refuse inheritance so my estranged father cannot benefit?

[Kate8889]

My father lives in my home country (Russia) and he would inherit 1/4 of my assets if I die before him, and same in reverse, if he passes away first. He abandoned me and my mom when I was 5 to go into a cult, hasn't helped in any way since and communicated only to ask me to forgive his child support debt.

So far I haven't had much in my name there except a very modest bank account. Unfortunately, my grandma is not doing well and wishes to write me into her will for a country cabin we have.

I told my grandma that because he would automatically get a portion if anything were to happen to me, I do not want anything in my name in my home country, to give it to my mom. She is very offended and thinks she's giving me this big gift.

Another consideration is that I would have to take leave from work without much notice and go and accept the inheritance, which would be mega stressful. My mom is all but retired so shed be fine to go.

That could be construed as tax evasion or money laundering or any of a few illegal activities.

I would say a big NO to that.

It’s neither of those things. It’s removing HER money from her home country to where she can more easily access it. Nothing to do with tax or laundering at all.

You can’t predict who will die first so it’s not unreasonable to look through options

YABU for two reasons -
if your beloved, generous Grandma wants to leave you something, anything, then you should accept it graciously.
You say also that it is not worth much to you, in reality. In which case it isn’t worth the worry, going forward, as it won’t make a material difference to your life (or even your estranged father’s)
As others have said, you’ll likely live longer than him anyway (apologies if I have missed anything about that aspect, haven’t RTFT yet). So really you should be getting a proper will which will leave any assets you may have to someone who you love - much like your Grandma wants to.

You don't need to RTFT, you just need to read the OP's posts to know that she is not looking for tax / legal advice and that she has a health condition.

It clearly matters more to you that there is no chance your dad gets anything than you getting something. If refusing it seems less hassle than accepting it, liquidating it and taking the cash to where you live, ensuring you have no assets in Russia then thats what you should do.

Please explain to your grandmother. She must know what your father is like and understand your condition? Surely she would see how difficult it would be for you? And that leaving to your mother would be wiser? And one day, maybe, you could move the money more easily if sold. That's surely easiest and relieves you of a substantial amount of stress? Because, it sounds a lot

The way I look at it is like this:
Your grandparents worked their bones off for it, they want you to have it, take it. Whether you actually do anything with it, or whatever, doesn’t matter, it’s all they have and they’re giving it to you. Who knows, the world might actually become a better place for your children, that might become their or even your safe heaven, you just don’t know. And I know what you mean about the bureaucracy, it’s a pain in the arse, we’re not used to that anymore.

Your dad is not one of a sudden go: I own 1/4, I’ll go sit on the porch and plant my flag there.
There is obviously a lot of family trauma, but you know, you don’t have to make it yours. Take the cabin, use it to heal.

She's also not asking for tax advice. She is asking for personal advice about family relationships and her feelings.

Could you accept it , so that you’ve pleased your grandma and then gift it to a charity .

The OP has made 9 posts.

They are short posts.

Reading them will.prevent you giving irrelevant and potentially hurtful advice that ignores her life-shortening disability and the fact her options for writing a will are constrained by Russian law.

Yes, my mistake, I saw OP explain that to someone else after I pressed send.

I don't think the Estonians will let you in and out that easily, especially coming from Russia. At best, you just look like a suspicous idiot who will have her entry visa denied. At worst, you look like a criminal or a spy: An American coming in and out of Russia multiple times within a short space of time, whilst there's a war on, who has no credible explanation for what she's been doing there and, if she's searched, is carrying wads of undeclared cash...people urging you to do this are fools, OP.

Most people lead simple lives, OP, so they won't get your complicated family history or your feelings. There is no easy answer, it's just a case of picking the hard you can live with. My hard would be trying to make amends with your grandmother, but still decline the inheritance.

I think I'd have trouble with both the Russian and Estonian side, even if everything ends up selling for $50k (five times).

I talked to my grandma and told her that while I really really appreciate the thought, it should go to my mom because otherwise it would cause a strain in our relationship (her mother bypassed her for my mom in inheritance and there were some hard feelings).

I also explained how difficult it is already to visit and staying for more than 3 weeks would be almost impossible. I told her that I love her and will try my best to keep visiting her yearly as circumstances allow. She understood.

I am scared of both crypto and jewelry as a way to get the money out, because I don't have deep knowledge of either and it feels underhanded and shady, I would probably get scammed.

can you not realise the assets and transfer the money out of Russia (I realise this may be hugely complicated.)

I am guessing this is maternal grandma? in your shoes? i would do what my grandma wants because she is likely to die first. Your father is likely to die before you do, and if the worst happens and he outlives you, what good would 1/4 of your assets do for him realistically?

This sounds bonkers OP. Just take the money.
Why on earth do you think you'll die before him? You'd be dead anyway so you wont care.

Good approach.

And I agree that getting the money out would be hard - there will be as many scammers as people trying to go around the rules and get money out.

When I read some of the suggestions, it's clear how much we (general we) don't appreciate a working system while it works and how we can't imagine that it might just not work one day.

Then she needs to abide by the rules about how much money she can withdraw from her home country and what the requirements are when doing this..

eg : In UK if you want to take £1000+ out of the country then it needs to be declared, along with proof of how it was obtained eg withdrawal slip, bank statement.

So she needs to be asking those who have knowledge of this.
Which is why I said she needs specialist advice.

Just accept it and sell it to your mother? For $1 is necessary.

You can do a bank transfer, legally. You don’t have to cash out $10k at a time via Estonia. Not all Russian banks are sanctioned. You would have to declare a larger transfer to the IRS, but that isn’t going to be a problem as long as your documentation is in order for both the U.S and Russia.

There’s no inheritance tax, but if you sold the property within three years you would be liable to pay a much higher income tax on it. You wouldn’t be liable to pay tax if you gave it as a gift to your mother.

There are lawyers that are well practiced in navigating the many tentacled bureaucracy of it all.

More info that may be useful:

https://gflolaw.com/en/money-transfers-from-russia/

https://oplatym-exchange.ru/?utm_source=vc&utm_medium=article&utm_campaign=content

https://oplatym-exchange.ru/usa

and more general info about Russian inheritance from a US based lawyer:

skatoff.com/florida-probate-lawyer/how-to-receive-an-inheritance-from-russia/

I think you've done the best and least complicated thing. What did your grandma say? I hope she understood and will leave it to your mum.

I was pretty much joking about the diamond necklace. I'm sure there is more involved than just saying "Oh, this old thing? I bought it at Tiffany's in Moscow" at the border checkpoint.

Don't upset your Grandma - accept it and then deal with it to ensure your Dad can't get anything.

So inherit it then sell it and give the money to your Mum, or buy stuff with it, or give it to charity, as long as it is gone before you are, your Dad won't get a bean.

Why not just spend it and enjoy it rather than refusing a gift because of what "might" happen.

Making yourself poorer to possibly get one up on somebody once you are dead is one of the stupidest things I've heard, and given he is that much older it is statistically unlikely anyway.

75% of something is better than 100% of nothing. Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face.

@Charliede1182 the problem is that it it nowhere near as simple as 'just spend it' when 'it' is a house in Russia.

@DanNW2025 you've misunderstood. The OP gets 100% of it (it being an asset it's very difficult for her to do anything with). Then when she dies, her father gets 1/4 of it.