I don't know why I want to label this. It probably won't make me feel any better, but I'd like a label all the same.
So, I won't go into all the details, but here are the salient points.
I have a child. I had this child on my own. I then got into a relationship when she was very young. I was with my boyfriend for 3 or 4 years. We never lived together, and my DD never called him "daddy." I have always been truthful with her. I didn't ask this man for any money or help. He would see my daughter (for example, on days out), but provided nothing in terms of day-to-day care. She now has very hazy memories of him.
I finished the relationship almost four years ago for a whole host of reasons.
He couldn't accept this. He spent two years harassing me. I took this to the police several times, and nothing was done about it. He was never violent with me, and so it was decided that they wouldn't pursue it. The harassment included postcards, letters, emails, gifts, turning up at my house and the school, and sending voice recordings. Hundreds and hundreds of them. Maybe over 30 hours of voice recordings were sent to my email. Eventually, he gave up. Or so I thought. I didn't hear anything for a year.
Then, and this is the worst bit, I got a call from the police saying he had acknowledged my child, and he was now on her birth certificate as the father. I am not in the UK. Here, a man can put his name on the birth certificate without the mother's knowledge or consent. My daughter and I are British, but she was born here. Overnight, her nationality changed. He then filed for visitation rights.
By this point, he hadn't seen my daughter in over two years. And he knows he's not the father. But there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have to now fight through the courts to get him off. I'm doing this. I put the wheels in motion the moment I found out about it. It will take a long time. Years. In the meantime, the custody/visitation case keeps being postponed by my lawyer, hopefully until we can get him off the birth certificate.
OK... that's enough details. I could go on and on about everything I've had to do to fight this man, but it would make for a long read. My case is good. I have lots of witnesses. I am paying more money than I can afford for a good lawyer. I think I will win. A DNA test will be ordered by the court, and that should be the end of it. However, what I keep coming back to is the idea that this is a form of abuse. A form of staying in control. He is from this country. I'm not. He probably thought I'd lie down and take it. I don't know what his reasons are because I have not spoken to him and will never speak to him again. What I want to do, once I've sorted out my own case, is try to stop this from happening to other women. It's a kind of state-sanctioned abuse in a way, isn't it? What can I do to make people more aware of it? I know he won't be punished for what he's done. He can say he's acting in good faith, he thinks he's the father etc. Men here are allowed to do this. The very best I can hope for is that the birth certificate is rectified, and he can't do it again.
I suppose I want answers. I want to know if this is something the women in this country should know more about. Should I keep fighting after my personal fight is over?
Please be gentle with me. I'm still living this.