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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was in the wrong here?

137 replies

EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 12:34

I have my own opinions and bias on this so I’ll try to make this as fair and even as possible .

A while ago , we had a leaving do for a colleague. Early in the evening, with everyone present A did a big speech, lovely, some laughs, everyone clapped at the end , all good. Towards the end of the evening, a lot of people had left already, B also did a shorter speech. Again, some laughs, lovely, claps , all good.

However, A took great offence to this, and the night ended with a row.

The atmosphere is still tense in the office due to all of this.

One side is , that it was incredibly rude /attention seeking to do a second speech. So this would be YABU.

The other side is that it’s not that big of a deal, and even if it was the reaction to it was completely over the top. YANBU

I’m trying to keep this fairly vague so as not to be outing , and also like I originally said to keep things fair and not take sides, but I’m happy to add more context/detail if needed.

OP posts:
NotThisAgainSunshine · 02/04/2026 15:42

A is being very precious, which is often because of an insecurity. Anyone who takes themselves that seriously is quite sad imho.

B did nothing wrong.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 02/04/2026 15:45

Both are slightly at fault, they obvs don’t get along and there’s rivalry there. A should get over it but B shouldn’t have reacted to the bait and certainly not get it get to sides taken in an office.

ImFinePMSL · 02/04/2026 15:45

Sounds a bit like the scene from Bridesmaids where Annie and Helen are fighting over the microphone to do the speeches.

The colleague who’s left has had a lucky escape from A and B it sounds. Weirdos.

Lurker85 · 02/04/2026 15:50

A is in the wrong. It was supposed to be a nice thing for a colleague so if B had some nice things to say then why shouldn’t they. A is a self centred dick making it about them instead of the colleague who was leaving.

Original poster
EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 15:51

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 02/04/2026 15:45

Both are slightly at fault, they obvs don’t get along and there’s rivalry there. A should get over it but B shouldn’t have reacted to the bait and certainly not get it get to sides taken in an office.

The sides thing kind of developed because A won’t let it go. She’s still refusing to talk to B which makes things difficult and complicated.Her side are also presenting a version of the facts that isn’t true, so anyone correcting them or thinking A’s behaviour was inappropriate/unprofessional, even if they think B’s second speech was a bit twatty/attention seeky/drink fuelled automatically gets put on B’s side. Thank fuck the office shuts for Easter and everyone can have some distance and a break.

OP posts:
Besafeeatcake · 02/04/2026 15:52

On the face of it who really cares, but it may have seemed that B was trying to one up or undermine A. We can't know unless we were there. Best to just move on.

tachetastic · 02/04/2026 15:53

Sounds like an episode from the Office.

I hope A realises that nobody gives a damn about the speeches after the event, but everyone will remember them kicking off and causing a row.

What was said in the row anyway? “I’ve known them longer than you”, “well my jokes got more laughs”…..? Can we assume much alcohol had been consumed by this stage??? 🤣

MyMilchick · 02/04/2026 15:54

EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 15:51

The sides thing kind of developed because A won’t let it go. She’s still refusing to talk to B which makes things difficult and complicated.Her side are also presenting a version of the facts that isn’t true, so anyone correcting them or thinking A’s behaviour was inappropriate/unprofessional, even if they think B’s second speech was a bit twatty/attention seeky/drink fuelled automatically gets put on B’s side. Thank fuck the office shuts for Easter and everyone can have some distance and a break.

Show quote history

It's such stupid immature and unprofessional behaviour from A regardless of who was "in the right" it's not really a big deal (or shouldn't be)

OneFineDay22 · 02/04/2026 16:04

Nothing wrong with more than one person making a speech at any event. It would be weird if there was only one person to speak at a wedding, funeral etc. If anyone makes a speech at a birthday or retirement party or any other event, I think it’s fine for others to say a little something too.

It sounds like A wanted to be the centre of attention and felt that B was stealing their thunder. But it wasn’t their party, the guest of honor was someone else. A was UR imo.

ParmaVioletTea · 02/04/2026 16:05

The person leaving did jokingly say to B “you owe me a speech” and B replied with “I haven’t had enough to drink yet!”

The whole office needs to give its head a big fat wobble. And the managers need to jump hard on any heads that want to keep on fighting this stupid fight.

It was perfectly fine for both to give leabing speeches.

It sounds as though one was quite formal and "official" and the other was more personal. If this reflected each speaker's relationship with the persn leaving this was perfectly appropriate.

A & B need to get over themselves, and your managers need to sort the dispute (preferably by telling people they are all growed up now and should put away childish things).

VictoriousPunge · 02/04/2026 16:07

OP, it makes me smile that you say you're not taking sides, but then make it very obvious whose side you're on with 'A took great offence' and 'A won't let it go'.

That said I totally agree with you and I can't hide my feelings either.

I advise you to avoid poker.

Original poster
EwwPeople · 03/04/2026 09:56

VictoriousPunge · 02/04/2026 16:07

OP, it makes me smile that you say you're not taking sides, but then make it very obvious whose side you're on with 'A took great offence' and 'A won't let it go'.

That said I totally agree with you and I can't hide my feelings either.

I advise you to avoid poker.

I did admit I had my own biases , but tried to take the emotion out of it. Emphasis on tried. GrinAfter all , “A took great offence to it “ is a lot more neutral than “A shouted “who the fuck do you think you are?””, for example.

OP posts:
TheNorns · 03/04/2026 10:00

EwwPeople · 02/04/2026 15:51

The sides thing kind of developed because A won’t let it go. She’s still refusing to talk to B which makes things difficult and complicated.Her side are also presenting a version of the facts that isn’t true, so anyone correcting them or thinking A’s behaviour was inappropriate/unprofessional, even if they think B’s second speech was a bit twatty/attention seeky/drink fuelled automatically gets put on B’s side. Thank fuck the office shuts for Easter and everyone can have some distance and a break.

Show quote history

Is everyone involved about fourteen? Surely no ordinarily well-adjusted people who are old enough to hold down a job would say more than ‘I’d rather watch two slugs climb a wall than listen to any more of this’?

wheresthesnowgone · 03/04/2026 10:12

TheNorns · 03/04/2026 10:00

Is everyone involved about fourteen? Surely no ordinarily well-adjusted people who are old enough to hold down a job would say more than ‘I’d rather watch two slugs climb a wall than listen to any more of this’?

Show quote history

Chirrah luv

wheresthesnowgone · 03/04/2026 10:19

Chirrah luv. Let us know which slug wins

Parsleyforme · 03/04/2026 11:46

The person leaving did jokingly say to B “you owe me a speech” and B replied with “I haven’t had enough to drink yet!”

It sounds like either there was a genuine expectation or B thought there was an expectation of them giving a speech too. Unless B was really trying to one-up A, or it was like that speech scene from Bridesmaids, then I am on B’s side. There was no “official” speech agreed, it’s nice for people to care enough that there was more than one speech, and screaming at someone for doing a nice little speech towards the end of the night sounds like an overreaction. I would suggest to A to speak to the colleague who left about it because if they were happy with two speeches then it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks

Emmz1510 · 03/04/2026 11:53

yanbu. Regardless of the reason why B felt they needed to do a second speech, A grossly overreacted. Was there drink involved? I’m thinking maybe the second speech was more of a rambling by someone fuelled by alcohol?

Lougle · 03/04/2026 12:16

EwwPeople · 03/04/2026 09:56

I did admit I had my own biases , but tried to take the emotion out of it. Emphasis on tried. GrinAfter all , “A took great offence to it “ is a lot more neutral than “A shouted “who the fuck do you think you are?””, for example.

Show quote history

Did A do a collective speech on behalf of all staff, or a personal speech? Did B give the impression that they thought they were closer to the leaver?

Was there a dynamic between leaver, A&B?

Who would you have thought should have given a speech if only one could, given their working relationships?

latetothefisting · 03/04/2026 13:33

I'm really struggling to work out how on earth anyone could possibly be on A's side, even more so people who were actually there! It's completely bizarre. Does A kick off if more than one person makes a speech at a wedding as well?

WannaSweetie · 03/04/2026 14:11

nothing wrong with more than 1 person giving a speech, people have different levels of ‘friendliness’ in an office IME. I had a boss who would have been A & cross at B & divided the office, she would also have been B, not wanting people to forget she was ‘important’ too. So if it wasn’t that type of ‘don’t forget me!’ scenario A is in the wrong

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 03/04/2026 14:20

If B announced their speech as "A's speech was shit, here's the real one baby", then I understand why A would be annoyed.

If B wanted to say their own words about their colleague/friend, then A needs to calm down and stop being ridiculous.

NoSoupForU · 03/04/2026 15:27

The person leaving said to B that they owed them a speech. Later, B gave them a little speech. B is therefore not out of order in any manner, or attention seeking.

A, on the other hand, sounds like a childish twat.

Rainbowdottie · 03/04/2026 15:35

All seems very childish to me 🤷‍♀️
it’s a leaving do, surely people can pipe up what they want? Not like a wedding or funeral where there is a set service.
Ive only experienced speeches in weddings and funerals where it’s all very formal. As a retired teacher , all other speeches have been very informal. Sure the head might give a speech about the colleague leaving…but neither would any head I’ve experienced, been upset by another head/colleague/friend piping up after. Why would they? It’s a celebration of someone leaving and moving on, it’s not an order of service.

ok I wouldn’t do it myself but equally I wouldn’t think anything of someone else doing it. Maybe schools are a different kettle of fish.

Phoenixfire1988 · 03/04/2026 16:40

Sounds like A needs to be the centre of attention and is an absolute pain in the arse , there absolutely no reason other colleagues couldn't do a speech too and quite honestly I'm baffled why they haven't been pulled in for a warning since this has spilled over to the work place .

Usernamenotav · 03/04/2026 19:02

A is pathetic. But also, B IS an attention seeker.