Who was in the wrong here?

[EwwPeople]

I have my own opinions and bias on this so I’ll try to make this as fair and even as possible .

A while ago , we had a leaving do for a colleague. Early in the evening, with everyone present A did a big speech, lovely, some laughs, everyone clapped at the end , all good. Towards the end of the evening, a lot of people had left already, B also did a shorter speech. Again, some laughs, lovely, claps , all good.

However, A took great offence to this, and the night ended with a row.

The atmosphere is still tense in the office due to all of this.

One side is , that it was incredibly rude /attention seeking to do a second speech. So this would be YABU.

The other side is that it’s not that big of a deal, and even if it was the reaction to it was completely over the top. YANBU

I’m trying to keep this fairly vague so as not to be outing , and also like I originally said to keep things fair and not take sides, but I’m happy to add more context/detail if needed.

A sounds like they are full of self-importance and always wants to be the one in the limelight. They're pissed off at the thought of having to share some of that light and not be the only one who is praised and remembered for a thoughtful and funny speech. I'd guess A's speech was made for the recognition they'd get rather than any genuine care or respect for the person leaving.

A is being unreasonable and looks petty holding grudges or making a deal about it

B did nothing wrong
A is a cry baby

I don’t think it matters how many speeches there are as long as the person leaving appreciated them. A is being an idiot trying to make this event about them.

Ohhh I really want to know this info now 😅

Wow - one of our colleugues retired this week. As one of the two senior people there, I made a few off the cuff comments to thank and praise her. This as followed a few minutes later by the other senior person in the room who is officially her team boss.
we all smiled and clapped and no egos were bruised . Just two people saying nice things .

I hadn’t even considered any issue and I don’t think anyone else did either . A is being a drama lama

It’s random to have 2 speeches, so B should have just let it go. However if A and B both had management responsibilities of the leaver than A should have asked if B wanted to join into the speech.
if there’s some rage it sounds like a power play TBH

A is an idiot an needs to get a life.

Are they both men? Why has this spilled into work when it was at a leaving do for someone?

Different people have different relationships in an office so 2 different speeches isn't unreasonable (although a bit overkill); so unless there's history between A and B, people taking sides is ridiculous.

A is nuts. When we have leaving dos or calls, anyone that wants to say something does.

Maybe B had pre-prepared a speech, but needed a few drinks in them to get the courage to speak, and weren’t ready when A spoke.

this hole thing reminds me of the cringe speeches scene in the movie Bridesmaids

sorry, whole…

Why was A offended by Bs speech?
Would A have been offended by any second speech or this one particularly?
What was it that offended A specifically?

A is being a dick! 🤷‍♀️

In my experience at these dos, there's a little pause for speeches and a presentation, and then that's it, back to eating/drinking/dancing whatever till the end of the evening. It was really rather odd of B to pop up and make a speech when speeches were well and truly over, and I would have found it rather cringey.

However, that would really be the end of it. It's probably far from the only embarrassing thing someone has done at an office event, and normally most people would forget about it within a couple of days at most. I can't see any reason for A to take massive offence or for anyone to get into a war about it. If anything, A could take the high ground and just laugh about how B made a bit of an idiot of themselves.

This is what I think. There may be stuff the OP is not aware of, even if they share an office. Or alternatively, there is some other conflict, and it’s not about undermining, just that A and B dislike each other.

What kind of arsehole gets upset because two people said nice things about a colleague instead of one?

How can that possibly be a bad thing?

Don't sweat the small stuff.

I suspect A can't stand B for other reasons and this really put them out. If I was A and this person did a speech as you describe and I had little respect for B (think of the biggest dickhead at your work) then I would be annoyed. But I also would recognise that the annoyance was subjective and I might privately msg a friend who also thought B was a dick and make a smart ass comment. Or go home and tell dh or a friend about this work idiot. Absolutely no way would I approach B and get confrontational about it. I also wouldn't tell other colleagues that is annoyed me as I would be aware of how juvenile it sounds.

If I was B and innocently (while pissed) made a speech to be met with A's anger i would probably think A was being ridiculous but I would still say 'sorry I didn't mean to offend' and move on. I wouldn't involve colleagues and make a thing of it. However if B did react appropriately and its only A keeps going on about, it then I'm all team B.

If they are both going on about it and trying to recruit supporters I would lose all respect for both. They are making massive fools of themselves.

The real victory here goes to the colleague who no longer has to put up with this BS

B definitely implied by doing a speech later that A's speech wasn't enough in some way. It would be fine if she'd said 'A's already given you our thanks but I want to add my personal thanks and share..x y, z...' or even 'I promised [leaver] I'd say something when they left so here's my story about when...'

But to just stand up as if A never had is weird.

This explains why B did the speech later, so i don't think they did anything wrong. They were clearly close. Was one of them more directly managing the leaving colleague than the other? A sounds ridiculous.

I think I would have been inclined to think B a bit of a twat to make an additional speech unless it was materially different in content/purpose. Otherwise it seems a bit like trying to make out A's speech was lacking and also a bit "look at me, aren't I great".

My friend's knob of a brother did that at her wedding started making his own speech right after the best man. Those on our table rolled their eyes. I've known him since school and he's such a show off who just loves the sound of his own voice.

On the other hand maybe A is the knob. Sounds like B was closer to the leaver and leaver actually wanted B to speak. So perhaps A was unreasonable by grabbing the task due to a petty rivalry with B. Might explain why A was so openly pissed off when B made a speech anyway.

Depends on the dynamics in the office. In the surface of it it’s no big deal but the B in my office would do this sort of things as a point scoring exercise. She thinks she’s the best at everything.