Who was in the wrong here?

[EwwPeople]

I have my own opinions and bias on this so I’ll try to make this as fair and even as possible .

A while ago , we had a leaving do for a colleague. Early in the evening, with everyone present A did a big speech, lovely, some laughs, everyone clapped at the end , all good. Towards the end of the evening, a lot of people had left already, B also did a shorter speech. Again, some laughs, lovely, claps , all good.

However, A took great offence to this, and the night ended with a row.

The atmosphere is still tense in the office due to all of this.

One side is , that it was incredibly rude /attention seeking to do a second speech. So this would be YABU.

The other side is that it’s not that big of a deal, and even if it was the reaction to it was completely over the top. YANBU

I’m trying to keep this fairly vague so as not to be outing , and also like I originally said to keep things fair and not take sides, but I’m happy to add more context/detail if needed.

I’m not sure if there was a conversation about who would give a speech. If there was, I wasn’t asked /part of it, but it’s very possible that some colleagues agreed A would do it on behalf of everyone. The person leaving did jokingly say to B “you owe me a speech” and B replied with “I haven’t had enough to drink yet!” and both laughed during the night. A wasn’t around for that conversation though.

It was rude and f B to do an impromptu second speech. It’s sending a message that the first speech by A wasn’t good enough and so they had to step in and help out by putting on another speech.

😀

‘Margo, just remember it was I, A, who first described just how devastated we were to be losing your chiseled good looks from Dunder Mifflin!’

Sounds like there's some historical beef with A and B. Same role and same level of management within a company can cause all sorts of problems with jealousy, competitiveness and general ill feeling between them - there will be things professionally they won't agree on which will fuel the flames.

A does sound like a bit of a dick tbh but it depends if it was arranged for A to do a speech and it was all agreed. That said, if it's a party then anyone should be able to say their bit if they want to - so I don't think B did anything wrong

Sounds like A and B just don't get on! It'll blow over eventually!

Person A is being ridiculous.

A leaving do is a place for speeches. If A and B both knew the person leaving and clearly had different points to make then they can both say stuff.

A is being a dick and needs to apologise.

Yup. The managers are pretending it never happened, but there’s quite a split in the team (side A, side B and can’t you all just get over it side) and an awful atmosphere in the office. I just don’t see the big deal.

I can think of a couple of people who would absolutely make sure they gave an unplanned speech at the end... it would be them being attention seeking and trying to make the event about them.

Other people might do it spontaneously and it cone across as natural, so I suppose how was it done.

Naturally, with something coming up and B saying "I remember the time... and everyone falling quiet because what he was saying was good. Maybe then he felt he had to continue etc.
Or him standing up and saying "actually I want to say something, all be quiet and listen."

My suspicion, on the basis he clearly argued about it was that he was more of the latter. Otherwise he'd have apologised and said he hadn't planned it, but sorry it came over that way.

i think you’re B. It was a bit unnecessary but not that deep. A needs to grow up.

If I was B I would’ve said exactly what A said and did when she started on B. That’s would’ve been enough to sway opinions one side, but that’s not what I wanted.

Haha. Love it! 🤣

A sounds like an absolute twat who thinks they’re more important than anyone else.

No wonder the colleague ie leaving.

I think it’s pretty common to make a second speech after a few drinks.

That puts a different light on the second speech imo.

A is being ridiculous. Last leaving do I went to there was about 6 speeches through the evening as the lady retiring made such an impact on peoples lives over her 50 years in teaching

Why ? Is there an official limit to how many speeches can be given at a leaving party?
B can say what they like surely ?

Was just about to the say the same 😅

They should have solved it at the time with a sing off 😂

Did anyone tell A about this conversation or joke? I would of and I’d also tell them to stop being ridiculous

I'm at the age where I've lost count of the number of goodbye speeches I've given to staff I can't even remember the nanes of, and times I've been thrust into the limelight as the person required to do the necessary. So personally I'm delighted now when someone else does it. This sort of rivalry and need to be seen as The One Who Does Things tends to wear off with age and experience, and one day both A and B may look back and wonder what on earth they were thinking that this complete non event has assumed such importance.

This makes me think of Bridesmaids and the speeches scene 😆.

Has B said something rude or in about A? If yes, it might be different. If no, depending on the situation and what was said B’s speech could be completely logical to the moment or attention seeking. we don’t know.
However A’s reaction was wrong and inappropriate. B’s maybe was a bit of a twat or drank too much but the best way of action was to ignore/ leave it.
The main question: did the leaving colleague enjoy the party ?
if yes - all good.

A is ridiculous

Why would A want to limit the number of people saying nice things about the person leaving? Has anyone asked what the leaving person thought about the two speeches?

Did B give a better speech than a? Could that be the reason why a has had their nose put out of joint?

Not necessarily. It was a bit more heartfelt/personal maybe as it had a little anecdote of how they became close?

on the face of it A is overreacting but I bet there is a past history here of B undermining A, and that’s what this is about.

A is being ridiculous. How now for that colleague that two people wanted to say something, must have made them feel good. Unless there is some other backstory, A needs to grow up.