AIBU, Grandparents reduced Private School Fees Support at the Last Minute.

[LighthouseDreamz]

DS has ASD and ADHD, he is very academic. Between our family, we have discussed for many years that DS will need to attend a private secondary school, as he needs small classes and a school with good pastoral care and that is nurturing. His current class teacher agrees that he will thrive in a small environment and is unlikely to cope in a huge secondary school. Very kindly, DS’s grandparents offered to pay half of the fees, meaning myself and DH can just about afford the other half. They understood this to be approximately £13k a year.

DS has gone for the trial day and 11+ and been offered a place at the school. We’ve paid the £600 deposit as well as the fees for the exam and interview (£200). He was very excited to attend the school.

Yesterday, DS’s grandparents called and said that actually, having gone through their finances, they can only afford a third of the fees. This means that DH and I would be looking at covering £20k between us, which we just can’t afford.

Do I have a chance of getting the deposit back? Is it likely the school will be able to offer any sort of financial assistance or bursary or compassionate support?

My other option is to home educate DS but I literally know nothing about this area.

I replied several pages ago but have been thinking about this thread. My previous reply, I realise, was actually biased as I have no experience of the UK private system. Maybe it is worth it.

I'd be interested to know what becomes of the sensitive, ND children who are fortunate enough to go to independent schools with smaller class sizes, once they leave, at 16 or 18? Do they struggle to adapt to less nurturing environments, or have they had the time and support to develop the skills they need in 'the real world'?

My dc1 is autistic and although he was fine in secondary, he did struggle in high school. It took him longer to adjust, to get to grips with the increased workload, the more academic style of working. He felt overwhelmed by the crowds, out of step with the peer-group interests, didn't respond well to the (notorious, awful, French) pressure from teachers which others thrived on, was not good at 'banter'. But he made friends with a lovely group of like-minded (serious and more...gentle) teenagers.

It also took him a couple of years to find his niche once he left but is now doing really well in his chosen studies. I still 'coach' him in a way I never had to coach his sibling as he still struggles with social cues to some extent, and is quite naive.

I wonder how different things would have been if he hadn't been in the mainstream system. If he'd had a more sheltered, nurturing experience of school. It may well have been easier for him in some ways but I wonder if the outcome would be different.

At the end of the day, OP, you will do your best. Which is all any of us can do. x

You probably don’t want to hear this, but I always think it’s a mistake to rely on someone else to help with school fees. If you can’t afford it all yourself ( bearing in mind all the extra expenses like uniforms, sports gear, school trips etc) it’s not for you. What were your plans for if the Grandparents suddenly couldn’t pay at all? What would happen in the event of a debilitating illness or death of one of them?
I think you need to really think about it.

Depends on the grandparents - my grandmother paid a portion of my and my siblings fees for the whole of secondary school.

Who is doing that?

I think posters had suggested trying to get a private school place funded by the local authority due to OP's ds having SEN requiring small classes. M1tz1 was replying to that.

I doubt you will get deposit back unfortunately. Have you put in any state school application as a back up, of not do so asap. Agree this may be an issue going forward if they decided they cannot continue to support you. Is their contribution coming out of savings or income? You can try the bursar but you may find funds are already allocated for this year group, so would only be available if someone with a bursary belatedly turns a place down. That may happen before the start of the new term if they decide not to take a place up, or otherwise be liable for a term’s fees in lieu if they cancel afterwards(as would you also be).

Please factor in fee increases. DD1’s school fees went up £16000 over four years, which we hadn’t bargained for, and had to use our savings.

The council pays for private schools ?

It may do child has an EHCP and that is the only appropriate provision available. Many specialist dyslexia schools are private for example.

Advocating for your DC and enforcing their legal rights doesn’t make parents demanding. That includes pursuing an independent placement via an EHCP when it is required. The pp saying parents are demanding seems to not understand that.

There are much fewer state options available for children whose needs cannot be met via mainstream now, so yes, the council will fund a private school who claim they can meet need.
This quite often also includes transport in the form of taxi's, to and from the school which increases the price.
When DD went to her last private school, she attended for 1 hour a day, and it cost the local council almost 2k a week.
The school she was at before that cost just under £4K a week including transport. Both placements broke down because they couldn't meet need, despite enthusiastically claiming they would have no problem doing so.
DD is now educated by a tutor at home and according to the SENDOPS at the council, this is one of the most expensive ways to educate a child, but it saves on transport.
The LA has a legal obligation to educate a child and with the closure of the state provisions for children who cannot cope with mainstream, that doesn't leave much option except private and dare I say it, many private schools, education providers and taxi firms are doing very well out of the situation.
This is part of the reason for councils going bankrupt as far as I am aware. The cost is eyewatering and with over 600,000 children already on an EHCP, twice as many as 10 years ago, with more than 150,000 further requests for an EHCP, the cost of implementing the terms of the EHCP's continues to rise.
If only a quarter of those EHCP's are costing their councils 2K a week, that's hundreds of millions of pounds every week that the govt has to find to fulfil their legal obligation to educate those children.
A few LA's spend over £40M per year on specialist private schools.
SEN is extremely expensive.

I have heard back from the school which I’m very surprised about given it’s a bank holiday, but they’ve asked to have a meeting with us at the start of term to discuss bursary options. 😊

To the posters who believe that parents are demanding, it is not always the parents who are demanding EHCP's and specialist provisions.
I did not apply for an EHCP for my DD. The mainstream primary she attended did because they could not meet need.
I would have been quite happy for her to remain at the mainstream primary school and go to a mainstream secondary, but unfortunately, they couldn't meet need.

Admittedly, I did not oppose the application, either for the EHCP or the specialist schools, because I want DD to receive an education. For me, there was no 'fight' or struggle. It was more a case of 'going along' with the recommendations from professionals as to what was available and which provision could meet need.

@LighthouseDreamz good luck with the meeting. The fact they haven’t said a straight ‘no’ is a positive start.

Even if parents do request an EHCNA and pursue a special/specialist &/or independent placement, that doesn’t mean they are demanding.

@Lifeisaneducation id DD has EOTAS/EOTIS, I hope the LA is providing a proper package and not just some tutoring.

This is interesting to me too. I’m an academic so teach young ND adults and some do struggle. I’m not sure if this is because they were home educated or sent to independent schools, they seem to be quite mollycoddled and expect everyone to bend to them. Not all of my ND students, but some… So yes, this is interesting. They struggle to cope with texts they deem ‘offensive’ in any way, far more than NT students do.

OP I think on this I have to side with you though. It’s more the fact they promised to help for so long and they knew you’d be setting him up to attend, they must surely have always known the fees and what their contribution would be. To pull out last minute like this is awful. Very selfish.

My daughter would benefit from all these things too, but as we cant afford it, she goes to mainstream with support.

There is a difference between ‘would benefit from’ and reasonably requiring something. If your child reasonably requires such provision, you have the option of requesting an EHCNA.

Which school is it

@Sartre

They struggle to cope with texts they deem ‘offensive’ in any way, far more than NT students do.

I’d say this is more likely to be autistic rigid thinking vs which school they went to.

That’s an insane amount

can I ask why so much money as in the schools fees aren’t that much and even with transport seems insane to spend maybe 30w at school at £60-£120k a year

who gets th extra money. The school ? Why isn’t it just the private fees £18/26k school depending

Most independent mainstream schools will charge extra for the special educational provision. This can add a significant amount to the fees.

The base fees at some special/specialist independents can be incredibly expensive. Some then charge extra for special educational provision that isn’t included in the standard offer.

Transport can also be incredibly expensive. Some DC travel a long way to the nearest suitable school. At secondary, the maximum recommended travel time is 1hr15 but some travel further.

If you (not you specifically, a general you) prevent independent schools being named in EHCPs, you would increase the number of EOTAS/EOTIS packages. Done properly, EOTAS/EOTIS is more expensive than independent MS and can be every bit as expensive as independent SS and sometimes more.

Our school doesn't charge extra for learning support or SEN support if they believe they can manage it without a 1-1 or without specialist input e.g. a SALT in the younger years would be charged for, and how on earth are there so many posts on here saying just get an ECHP, you only get one with two years of evidence and legal support for taking your LEA to a tribunal, 90% of ECHP's are turned down before tribunal - and we know the Labour government are planning to phase them out. Well done @LighthouseDreamz for reaching out to the school about a bursary, I would still be contacting other local indie schools as a plan B though.

You do not need 2+ years of evidence. That is a myth some LAs and some schools like to perpetuate. Parents don’t need to legal support to appeal to SENDIST. While many have to appeal to secure an EHCP, it isn’t 90%. The current law hasn’t yet changed. It is still worth pursuing an EHCP now.

While there are extra costs, ie; one to one support, SALT, specialist training etc, let's not forget that these establishments are running as a business. They're not a charity and they're not a state school.
When the LA cannot place a child in any of their state schools because those schools cannot meet need and the LA run specialist provisions have been closed, the LA have no choice but to source an education, as is their legal responsibility, and that's where private ventures come in.
They are definitely run for profit, otherwise what would be the incentive for the private education providers?

It is the lack of any alternatives that give the private specialist schools the opportunity to pick up the slack and run a business from it.

Many independent SS make a large profit, but some independent SS are charities.

There is also NMSS which are not for profit and can have fees just as expensive as independent SS.