AIBU, Grandparents reduced Private School Fees Support at the Last Minute.

[LighthouseDreamz]

DS has ASD and ADHD, he is very academic. Between our family, we have discussed for many years that DS will need to attend a private secondary school, as he needs small classes and a school with good pastoral care and that is nurturing. His current class teacher agrees that he will thrive in a small environment and is unlikely to cope in a huge secondary school. Very kindly, DS’s grandparents offered to pay half of the fees, meaning myself and DH can just about afford the other half. They understood this to be approximately £13k a year.

DS has gone for the trial day and 11+ and been offered a place at the school. We’ve paid the £600 deposit as well as the fees for the exam and interview (£200). He was very excited to attend the school.

Yesterday, DS’s grandparents called and said that actually, having gone through their finances, they can only afford a third of the fees. This means that DH and I would be looking at covering £20k between us, which we just can’t afford.

Do I have a chance of getting the deposit back? Is it likely the school will be able to offer any sort of financial assistance or bursary or compassionate support?

My other option is to home educate DS but I literally know nothing about this area.

Thus taking valuable send money away from others with less wealthy articulate parents who have to suck up the state system.

This is exactly why we’re in the mess we’re in and things need to change.

Ok so the first thing is, you need to work out if you can pull together the extra for private school or get a bursary. Obviously ask about the bursary. If it’s not possible then you need to break down the fees per week/ month and see if you can manage it or not.

If neither of the above are possible then you need to put the private school to one side- it’s not going to happen.

In which case you need to re-look at the local state schools and work out which is the least bad. As others have said there are loads of people who make this decision who would never have the funds for private school- the majority in fact.

If the state schools are genuinely impossible, you either need to move house closer to a good state school he could manage, apply for an EHCP or home school.

Op im in Surrey and the send provision is abysmal to say the least. I ended up home educating my son because private school was out of my means but state schools were absolutely never an option for secondary. You can and will give him a great education if you decide to educate outside of the mainstream school system. There are plenty of tutors, groups,workshops, tutor centres in Surrey to be able to give him a private school education without sending him to one . Feel free to pm me if you need to.

Have you looked on the school's website for the bursary criteria? Most schools will publish this. Our school is set to £45,000 or less total household income for example, no savings over £10,000, no second property, if you have signficant value in your existing home you're expected to remortgage to release funds. Bursary level is reassessed annually and will be rewarded both based on the funds they have available as well as any changes to parents circumstances. Even if you meet the criteria they have a lot more applications for the bursary funds than they have funds available, so only a small number of applicants get a bursary unfortunately (these offers are made based on 11+ results from those who had applied for a bursary in their application form) and right now that has been capped for existing students with a change of circumstances (such as redundancy, death of a parent) rather than new students. You only have to go back 5 years and there was nearly double the bursary fund and academic scolarships as well.

Yea, agree.

OP, bursaries aren't subjective. There should be a scholarship and bursary policy on their website, and you can see the criteria and review that before you decide what to do next. Then I would ask for a meeting with the bursar and explain the situation. Then ask for a meeting with the GPs and update them. They're still partners in this as they are still proposing a significant amount towards fees. Do they understand that this shift might mean your son can no longer go to the school?

Is it possible things might change in a few years? Would more earnings for you be doable then for example - so could GPs pay more this year and less subsequent years for example?

I know people always say not to,but I can completely understand taking financial risks when it comes to school for kids with problems, and especially when you are close but not quite close enough to afford it. Really sympathise.

There’s no need to go private there’s lots of state schools that provide what your child needs! Use the money you don’t waste on school fees for an occupational therapist and rebounding therapy sessions etc weekly which ARE essential

I don’t think you can afford private school. I’d look into a state with better Sen provision; some have great autism units

You sound as though you are in a similar position to me 3 years ago - only the difference was not the withdrawal of funding, but the local private schools we applied to for our AuDHD son all turned him down, one before they had even met him.

He was also doing well in primary, got greater depth in all his SATS (100% in all the maths ones - but probably because he was in a room with only 2 other pupils and the school dog and teachers for support). We felt he needed a smaller school with small class sizes if he was to get anywhere in education.

When all the schools turned him down, we were left with the state application we had made several months earlier where we had just listed the local schools in order of distance. We got our 4th choice - all his friends got the first or second closest. We were devastated and felt it was the end of the world, how would he ever cope in a large state secondary with year sizes of 240 pupils (the same number as the whole school of one private we applied to).

But it has actually turned out really well for him. A lot of that has to do with the school he got allocated, which we hadn't really looked into that well beforehand, but turns out it is a massively inclusive school where the teachers actually care about the pupils. It doesn't have the best reputation academically, but they have been so accommodating of our son's needs, and he wouldn't be anywhere else.

The staff are so accessible and respond really quickly, and bend over backwards to support him. They allowed him to 'flexischool' so he spends one day a week at home pursuing his own interests (such as coding) and then 4 days in school. Most secondaries would never entertain this, but we put forward a case demonstrating how it was benficial to his education and school supported it. It helps him manage the time he is in school better, and limits his exposure to the lessons he struggles with, like dance, art, and DT.

We're now in a situation where he will go full time for year 10 and is choosing his GCSEs, he is planning to study 10 of them, and he recently got best in year on the UK intermediate maths challenge. He is really thriving, and I wasn't sure he'd even still be in school this time 2.5 yrs ago.

So state schools don't have to be the worst case scenario, assuming you find a good school that work collaboratively with parents to support the child. We had applied for an EHCP in year 6 for him and were refused, and now I think it is actually for the best, as I have heard of parents being unable to get the right provision for their child due to schools/colleges looking at the EHCP and saying no - even when the EHCP has not been updated for years (we're in Surrey and they are notoriously bad).

All the best for whatever happens, but I just wanted to share that I was in a terrible state this time 3 years ago, and now I am actualy excited for the next 2.5 yrs, I didn't think it would happen. I also feel like we missed the VAT bullet - my husband predicted it would happen and was unhappy that we would be affected, whilst I thought it would never happen, so now it has, I am so relieved he is not in a private school. I'm also thinking ahead to uni, and if my son wants to go, the fact he is in a school whose results are below average, could actually strengthen his application. What helped us I think was personally advocating for him with the teachers - I contacted each one of them and explained his needs and asked them to contact me if there were any issues. I got a lot of stick for this from third parties questioning it, but trust me it worked so well and I believe made all the difference. He is learning to advocate more for himself now, but I keep a close eye on it all to try and foresee potential issues before they escalate.

SEND provision is in a mess for many reasons but the failure of LAs (some more than others) to comply with the SENCOP (2014) has got to be far more significant than parents advocating for their children.

I honestly wish I do not have the knowledge of all this that I do. It has been frankly awful to lift the lid on.

I would never blame any parent for wanting a suitable education for their child. The law entitles them to this!

I've just seen you have more DC. You just can't send only one of your children to private school. That would cause all kinds of unequal treatment issues. Perhaps the GPs have understood this.

I think you either need to increase your income significantly or drop the private school plan.

What are your and dh's jobs? Is there any likelihood of promotion? Or chance of getting a job at the school for a staff discount (eg working in the school office)

He has been told he doesn’t meet the threshold for an EHCP.

And yet 'all the professionals agree' that he is unlikely cope in a mainstream school? Something doesn't add up here. I know special school places are in short supply and high demand and understandably they must go to those who really need them most. So given that, I find it astounding that 'all the professionals' are apparently telling the OP that basically, on the one hand her sone absolutely needs a special school place, but on the other hand he simply doesn't qualify for one.

Which is it?

The law is changing because the system is being abused.

All parents should be supported to enforce their DC’s rights.

The fact LAs fail some DC is the fault of the LAs. It isn’t the fault of those parents who enforce their DC’s rights. Advocating and enforcing their DC’s legal rights doesn’t make them unreasonable or demanding or sharp elbowed or any of the other ridiculously ignorant phrases those who lack understanding of SEN law like to spout.

That is a lovely story @SuperSue77 and well done to your son! (and you).

I wonder if you've decided that only your DS is neurodiverse and "needs" private school, but the others aren't and don't.

Firstly, depending how young your other DC are, you might not know what they'll need yet. Secondly, I think many people see the benefits of private school regardless of SEN and it would be so unfair to give only your DS that and not the other child(ren).

Anyone with experience of the SEN system will understand perfectly. LAs act unlawfully all the time even when there is watertight evidence.

BTW the threshold for an EHCNA is 'has or may have SEN'. Your son is entitled to an assessment because he clearly has diagnosed SEN. He may or may not get an EHCP but if he was refused an assessment I would consider trying again and appealing if they refuse, especially if you are going to home educate because of his needs and would prefer not to.

I realise that this may sound ridiculous, but if you're considering home schooling had you thought about either moving, lovely schools in the Midlands at half that price, or if that's out of the question l what about online schooling.
I'm so very sorry that the Grandparents have let you down at this moment, six months ago would have been the moment to make these financial assessments.
Best of luck finding a solution.

The government are actually doing something much worse than that. Changing the system without changing the law.

As a teacher and a parent, I am absolutely disgusted by what they are doing. It is going to hurt the least well off most as it will drive teachers and support staff away and SENCO jobs will become Impossible as conflict between schools and parents intensifies.

No parents should be demanding the right to hoover up huge amounts of money on private non special school fees from the state particularly one whose kid is academically able and passing the 11+ whilst being told he doesn’t meet the threshold for an ehcp. There are many things state schools can and do do to accommodate kids like this.

The OP has not suggested this though.

I would contact the school immediately and state the position as clearly as you have here. There may be some bursaries or scholarship funds available. Good luck.

Is it just me who thinks this is really expensive for a private school? We send our DD to one and secondary school is only 18k (I say ‘only’ but compared to 26…!) As a parent of a child at private school I would think carefully - yes, they are really good schools and the class sizes are smaller, they are definitely quieter, calmer environments. However, they are expensive. And not just the fees, the school lunches, the trips, the extracurricular (some are included, others are not) The VAT has been so detrimental for the schools and parents and I reckon they will continue to raise their fees for years to come. If your son is really academic he may do okay elsewhere? I would try for a bursary though, or a cheaper private school?

Have you considered the impact that taking on a second job, further straining your marriage and spending more than you can afford all to benefit only your ds is going to have on your other children?

No but I’m sick of the posters on threads like this whose default reply to situations like this is ehcp, tribunal for private fees on the state end of. No trying other options, just doing every thing and using money to get a free private education. Posters know next to nothing about the op’s kid but it’s the default advice

It’s not ok and the gov are so right to push provision in state schools for all instead of private fees for a few.