AIBU to stop singing around my family after their comments?

[Situationallystuck]

I usually sing when I'm happy. Little ditties and bits of tunes, sometimes a full on song. My voice isn't x-factor winning, but it isn't unpleasant. I was in a select choir when I was younger so I know I can carry a tune. I don't make a big deal about singing, and don't try and take centre stage with it at all, more like I'll sing along to a song on the radio or join in with singing at church etc.
Recently on holiday with my husband and teen children, my eldest said that they don't like it when I sing. I understood this to mean in public, which I get, teens don't want their mum attracting attention. I acknowledged this, but then it turned into a session where my husband said he thinks my voice is terrible and I should never sing. That it's horrible when I do. The teens nodded along. I was really hurt. But I figured maybe they got caught up in the situation, later I asked my husband if it was really that terrible when I sing and he told me that my singing should be best kept for when I was alone.
So, today, I didn't sing at all. They all keep asking me if I'm alright because they can tell something is different, but I haven't said a word about the singing and neither have they.
I feel like either the biggest fool in the world for inflicting my singing on the people around me or an absolute arrogant sod for thinking my voice was not unpleasant. I don't want to be a fool or an arrogant sod, so I've decided not to sing again.
I reckon the first time they will properly notice is when my husband has his birthday next month.
I guess my question is, would I be unreasonable to never sing to/with them again, even though I know they will be sad or hurt that I'm not singing happy birthday? They would obviously prefer for me not to sing at any other time.

I see you’ve met my relative then… 🤣

I bet you don't have a horrible voice OP, I bet it's just that your family get irritated by you singing around the home, especially if it's in snatches or along to the radio when they are trying to listen to it.
Maybe you should join a choir and really enjoy yourself singing.
Understandably you are hurt by what they said, but your silent response is verging on sulking! Don't refuse to sing happy birthday to DH, thereby spoiling his day and getting the attention on yourself. Tell your family now you are really hurt because you think you have quite a nice voice and didn't realise they hated it. Listen to whatever they say in response. And keep singing Happy Birthday and in church or whatever.

You don't need to be a bad singer to be annoying.

I worked with a woman who used to walk into the office belting out the "Good morning! Good morning!" song from "Singing in the Rain" every day. Sometimes just the first few lines, occasionally, the whole bloody song.

She was a very good singer (she did very well as a contestant on "The Voice"), but that didn't stop her being annoying.

It's ok he doesn't like my singing, but we've been together for 20 years and he has let me keep going with it, which is humiliating if it's true that I have a horrid voice

Don’t be silly, if you like to sing, just continue. To say I have a bad singing voice is an understatement. A disagreeable cat stuck in a drainpipe would sound better than my singing. Can’t hold a tune, tone deaf, just really really bad. But I don’t care, I sing all the time as for some reason I enjoy it. No way my DH or kids would ever tell me to stop as a) they know I know I’m bad and could not give two hoots, and b) they know I’d just tell them to wear ear plugs or make themselves scarce if it bothers them, so what would they gain?

There are a lot of them out there!

My own father spent what felt like many years of my childhood singing ‘Day-o! Day-o! Daylight come and me wan’ go home!’ from the Banana Boat Song, complete with what he presumably imagined to be a Caribbean accent. Over and over. Day in, day out.

Disagree. We all have annoying things about us. I bet OPs bloke and kids are not adapting their behaviours to appease her.

How much amd how are you singing?

I'm terrible at singing but sing the odd line while cooking and me and the kids have silly kitchen parties.

But I'm also very aware that making noise encroaches on the peace of others so I would never ever ever sing properly like I was being serious and thought others might enjoy it.

So imo singing is communal fun or something to be done alone.

My husband often plays music and it's a bit annoying (and it's good music!) I just prefer peace and quiet. It would piss me right off to have someone constantly singing or humming, even if they were the best singer on the world.

If you’ve been in the habit of singing in public, I can understand them. I know it’s the duty of parents to embarrass their older children, to pay them back for toddler tantrums, etc., but there are limits…

I'm listening to my OH 'sing' right now. We're both WFH. He's in another room, there are two closed doors between us but I can still hear him. He's awful, it's irritating to listen to and he knows this. But he's not singing for anyone else, he's singing for himself. Sometimes I have to ask him to stop if it's really distracting me from what I'm trying to do, other times I just tolerate it! I'm a marginally better singer than him but I'm sure mine is still not pleasant - my kids are young enough to not care though and still ask me to sing nursery rhymes at bedtime. They hate it when I sing songs they don't know though!

I think it would be ridiculous for you not to sing HB to your husband - HB rarely sounds good! I think you would be taking their feedback a bit far to avoid singing then. And you shouldn't stop singing full stop, not if it makes you happy/helps you concentrate (think that's why my OH does it). Maybe just ask them to tell you when they're really not in the mood to listen to you?

And get yourself some singing lessons/join a choir if you really want to get better. I bet there are some YouTube tutorials on it too you could do at home that might help!

I think your family were mean to put it as bluntly as they did. But it can’t be unsaid. I wouldn’t sing around them again but make sure you do when you’re alone. I sing too, when I’m here pottering around and in the car. It’s good for you!

On holiday with my in laws they constantly sung along to every single tune on the radio, in the apartment they kept 80s hits on the TV and sang along every moment we were in. I was like a week long karaoke trip I wanted to commit murder by the end of it :)

But even with singing lessons or a good voice - which I'm sure OP actually already has - it's still really annoying when people sing at volume around you under the guise of just singing to themselves.

It's hard to describe but I have a friend who enjoys singing and her voice is very nice, but she will sing 'to herself' way more loudly than others would - not belting it out, but just loud enough that it catches attention and it's obvious others can hear.

Nobody really wants to hear others singing randomly through the day, no matter how good they are.

I think the people who say the OP should have her voice independently assessed are missing the point a bit.

I’ve read through the thread and then reread the OP’s posts. She doesn’t say that she sings constantly, she something sings along with the radio and joins in with the singing at church. She sings when she is happy.

There’s a Times columnist who once wrote that there were boys who would find a shining girl and say quiet things to her that only she could hear until all the joy had left her heart. This is what the OP’s family have done. Being told that you should never sing is a terrible thing.

I have work colleagues who sing all the time. I find it really hard to concentrate when they do this. Nothing to do with them being good or not, just having someone constantly making noise around you can be quite overwhelming. It’s like people who do all their calls on speakerphone or watch loud videos - the noise is just so irritating because it interrupts my thought process and I can’t focus.

It was horrible how they all spoke to you but please don’t take it to mean your singing is bad! Enjoy singing but just keep it for the times when you’re alone.

Wow, your husband sounds unkind. I'm so sorry OP, singing is one of the most fun and amazing ways to express your happiness or just create a tune because you feel like doing so. There was absolutely no reason to be this cruel about you singing!

I’m sorry they were so blunt OP. That can’t be nice at all and they should have been more considerate.

Im a bit on the fence as, whilst it sounds like they worded it badly, I can imagine that someone forever singing would be annoying. They might just want a bit of blessed silence occasionally in the home.

So I agree you should be allowed to relax in your own home, but equally if they never get a bit of quiet it could get a bit grating. It’s a bit dominating of the space I guess.

I suspect it’s the kids who are embarrassed by it, and your DH just took one for the team in asking you to stop. He then unfortunately went a bit too far to emphasise they were serious in wanting you to stop.

Singing in private is one thing, but if you do sing in public, it can come off as being a little unhinged. That will embarrass teens at the very least.
Maybe just rein it in a little.

Id say this is a gentle pile on gang up on mum !!
I would ignore and dont take it personally and carry on lol my lot do this to me all the time it's mainly kinda jokes and ganging up but it's not in any way malicious!
Another week we will do it to DH and so on !!! And the singing one I have had and whistling 😗 lol 😁 and I am terrible out of tune singer I do it when I'm running on treadmill with headphones in !!!
I don't take any notice 😁 xxxx

I think their delivery of the information was very unkind and it all depends on how often you sing. If it was multiple times a day and at a loud volume, I can see how that would be annoying. But if it’s just on odd occasions I think they need to keep their opinions to themselves or stick some headphones on. If my husband and kids said this to me I’d double down on the petty and sing multiple times a day and loudly. I have AUDHD so I am constantly triggered by word associations, and sing a few sentences of a song or whatever, but my kids are all same as me, so it’s just normal to them. I play music and sing when I’m cooking and cleaning or even just to hang washing out. How would they like it if you started telling them all the annoying things they did and making it awkward. Don’t let anyone dull your shine. 🎤🎶🎤

YANBU because the comments your DH made are really fucking rude. I sing a lot at home, I think my voice is okay but it’s certainly not outstanding, and my DD often tells me my singing is “annoying”, and I get that. I get that some people want quiet at times, or they may not like the song, or whatever. But to make personal comments like “your voice is terrible” and “your singing should be best kept for when you are alone” is on another level. It’s downright rude and hurtful.

We’ve all seen it on talent shows , the ones convinced they have that certain quality, the ones convinced they can sing (because they used to be in a choir), but who in reality, can’t actually sing. Is it possible that you aren’t hearing what other people hear? I mean I know the resident man haters will all say your husband is wrong just because he’s male, but what if you actually can’t sing but just don’t realise it? After all your children also think the same thing. Are they only saying this because they are not female either?

😂Really?? Surely you can forgive your mum a bit of a sing song when she's doing the washing up 😂

There's a big difference between humming or singing a jolly ditty to yourself and singing with full gusto as though you are at the Royal Albert Hall. If you do the latter, then that's obviously annoying for people.

And singing in public is just UNHINGED if you mean in the meat aisle at Waitrose, rather than in a community choir.

(I say this as a everyday wittering-to-myself singer myself!)

I find this incredibly sad as you enjoy singing.

No one in my family can sing but I hear both my sons sing along to their favourite songs when they have their Spotify on in the shower.
Their singing is awful but it doesn't matter because it makes them happy. It makes me smile because they are happy!
Its a shame your family won't encourage
you to do what you enjoy.

Sounds like you’ve been getting on their nerves. Rein it in a bit but don’t be petulant about singing happy birthday.