AIBU over chair?

[Undertheviaduct]

Hi, grateful for any perspectives. Son is home from Uni, and wants to sit in his 'usual' chair in the living room. This is the one he has always tended to sit in. However, since he went to Uni, husband has taken to sitting in that chair. Husband wants me to support that it is now 'his' chair, and is angry that I'm not supporting him in that. Son is in halls with only a desk chair and I want him to feel comfortable and welcomed for the short time he is back. Husband says this particular chair has better view of TV etc. I have offered him the chair where I usually sit, with good view of the TV etc, but that didn't help. Husband feels that I am not prioritising him. AIBU to think son should be able to sit in his usual chair when he is back?

Thank you all. DH is indeed the father, believe it or not! I needed to hear that I should just stay out of it- thank you!

If my child was home from uni they could sit wherever they wanted to.

Your DH sounds like a twat.

Your husband is a knob.

So you havent clarified - does your son pay the bills. If so he should definitely have the choice of chair. If not he needs to grow up and accept that he is an adult and until he pays the bills, he gets what he’s given.

Going against the grain. Is your son paying towards the mortgage or the chair? If not its your husbands (and yours) and he gets to decide if he wants to hog it/ be petty about it.

I'm not sure why your son feels he is able to dictate to his father?

It may be petty of your husband but that's his shout.

If he doesn't pay the mortgage and doesn't ordinarily live there that makes him a guest. Guests are offered nice chairs, in my house

Burn the chair.

Who ever is in there first sits there surely? I can't imagine dictating to my dad where he could sit.

Or you sit in the chair. Sod them both.

"Husband, it's been your chair for ages and now it's my turn. Nobody else is allowed to sit in it or I'll be angry."

Wah, wah, wah.

My DH knows our kids come first and wouldn’t even think of sitting in DS’s chair (if they had one). To be honest, if it happened, we (me and adult DC also both at uni) would all take the pee out of DH for being a baby.

Omg this reminds me of my dad its a control thing it really pisses me off

This would be my solution

Make them arm wrestle for it.

First come first served. It’s just a chair

“Who pays the bills?”
Only on Mumsnet.

No - only on MN does a mummy’s little prince come home from uni and expect nothing to have changed and play up about it.

You take the chair, then they can't argue

Perhaps you could hermetically seal the chair or lock it in a box the. each time your son comes home you could have a little ceremony to give him his throne back.

Im all for putting children first but he’s an adult and he doesn’t live there most of the time. While he’s away he has to understand that life goes on at home and if it means someone finds it convenient to use the chair and continue to use the chair, so be it.

Once he leaves home entirely would you expect him to still be able to use ‘his’ chair whenever he visits?

Same. My dickhead of a father had a reclining chair covered with gold velour. A Parker knoll, I think it was. The Golden Chair is what we called it. His throne. I’d sit in it after school when he wasn’t around but when he appeared, he’d either stand next to it staring at me until I moved or just go to sit down as though I wasn’t there. My elder brother stayed out for as long as possible when the dickhead was at home. He ended up cheating on my mum and the first thing she chucked out (after him) was this chair.

That's what my dad would do just stand their staring not saying a word until we moved. He was the same with the TV and the bathroom. In his head it was his house and we came 2nd.

Sorry but those who pay the bills get the say. Certainly over someone who doesn’t live there the majority of the time (and possibly is still being supported financially by his parents).

Any future partner is going to love that level of entitlement.

Son is in halls with only a desk chair

If your son is making your feel sorry for him with this story, don't believe it. There will be common rooms and probably a TV room with lots of comfortable chairs, ditto at friends' flats, and he probably spends hefty portions of his time in bed anyway.

So I agree with everyone else, take yourself out of this discussion. Every time one of them appeals to you for your opinion, say "I just don't care, sort it out yourselves." If they really can't stop squabbling about it, throw the sodding chair away.

“Throw the sodding chair away”
If only it were that simple! In real time, can you imagine the OP dragging this thing across the carpet, attempting to get it out through the door without bashing half the frame off, ditto front door. It’ll probably need at least two people unless she’s the Incredible Hulk to turn it at some awkward angle to prise it out of the front door. Then it needs to be dragged across whatever constitutes a driveway to their property, navigating its way around parked vehicles, maybe unmown grass and mud. This alone will take the best part of half an hour and she will be exhausted. Then what? Get reported for fly tipping on your own property or call the council to come and take it away in a month’s time or go at it with a sledge hammer and a chainsaw? This is a perfect Family Guy ‘cutaway’.

I’ve only twigged this recently too. Not everything has to be sorted by us! It’s draining. I now try to only hold what’s mine. It’s a revelation 😆
Your husband does sound a bit mean though in this instance I’d say.