How can I stop my eight-year-old hiding soiled bedtime pants?

[CareHomeWorries]

My youngest child is 8 this summer and still wears bedtime pants overnight due to continence issues caused by chronic constipation which we're treating. He's been seen by the consultant and we have a plan to sort the constipation but it's going to take time unfortunately.

Over the last few months he's been hiding his dirty pants around the house. I've found them under the sofa, in a drawer in his bedroom and in the kitchen.

I have multiple bins around the house and he has nappy sacks that he can easily access. He's never been told off by me for having accidents because it's out of his control but I'm getting really frustrated with finding soiled pants hidden in my home. I've asked him why he's hiding them and he can't tell me.

I'm not really sure what to do next tbh and would welcome ideas please!

My DS had similar issues.

@CareHomeWorries he WILL grow out of it! It’s not a purely physical thing, there’s psychological stuff going on too.

your ex has caused some of this hiding business, there’s not much you can do there, but try to build his confidence at yours and reassure him.

in the end I paid my DS for every poo in the loo. It was the only thing that worked as an incentive

got a jar and every time he pooed in the loo he got £1.

he took it on holiday with him and spent it on anything and everything he wanted to buy. Had about £70 iirc.

I would say he's highly embarrassed by the situation.

Like the PP said, put a bin in his room, so he can get it out of sight asap. And promise him you're working on getting this medical issue sorted out for him, so this situation won't be forever.

He’s hiding them because his dad is shouting at him. 1 negative response outweighs 20 positive responses. I would not allow any overnight stays at his dads. Your child is being bullied every night he stays there.

Having conversations are not going to offset the fear, stress, panic and humiliation he gets every night he spends at his dads.

He needs to only sleep at home with you.

Bit left field here - is he hiding them at your house to establish where ‘good’ hiding places are for when he’s at his dad’s?

For example - he hides them in a cupboard at yours and it takes you say a day to find them. He hides them behind the sofa and it takes you 10 minutes to find them. Therefore (trying to think like an 8 year old might) hiding them in a cupboard at dad’s is the better option and he might well be back at your’s by the time his dad finds them, so he won’t get shouted at.

I hope this is resolved soon, it must be very upsetting for him. I also hope his dad grows up and learns how to deal with it much better.

When I was a kid I used to hide school lunches I didn’t eat, in random places. I knew that my parents had strong and layered emotional responses to my not eating lunch and hiding them was both a way of avoiding a potentially heavy conversation, but also the physical action of hiding helped me push the complicated feelings out of my mind. It was denial taking a physical form.

Sometimes kids do weird stuff for reasons they don’t understand.

Do you have a routine for tidying and cleaning up? I’d just do a low key 10 minute tidy round together every evening and have him take any to the bin that turn up. If you want you can just be matter of fact about it because even that small extra physical effort will eventually reprogramme his brain to do it the first time if he’s going to be doing it later anyway.

Why aren't you going in, in the morning and asking where pants are from nighttime? Surely he has to shower every morning so the first thing of the day is 1) wheres the pants, 2) in the shower.

If hes hiding the pants, you need to be a bit firmer and say that he is not to do this! Soiling isn't shameful, but hiding pants is. He needs to have a bin in his room, so he can pop pants in and you need to check it regularly.

This was my thought too.

Of his dad is shouting at him it’s probably compound g the problem. If he’s withholding at his dad’s due to fear the result will be more constipation and more overflow at yours. Therefore more hiding.

Agree with bin in his room. Check each day his pants are in there and a simple “when you out your pants in the bin we can do X” daily will probably help him get into the routine of just doing it without becoming a “thing”.

But I agree with the above poster you need to find a middle ground between being laid back (yes it’s medical and he can’t help it) and accepting the soiled pants but making it abundantly clear hiding them around the house isn’t acceptable.