To think a lot of people don't understand what a depression or anxiety disorder are?

[darkuncertainplace]

I'm writing this out of both frustration and despair. I have felt for a while that a lot of people don't actually understand what it means to have major depressive disorder, or an anxiety disorder.

I have heard so many people say the following in the last few years:

"Everyone gets anxiety/depression"
"You've just got to snap yourself out of it/get on with things"
"Just do things that make you happy and you'll feel better"
"It's normal to be anxious, we all just have to get on with it"

Etc etc. It makes me feel so frustrated. As someone who was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 18, you cannot just pull yourself out of it. You are in a dark, dark hole and you can't see the beauty or joy in anything. You feel nothing except emptiness and darkness. It's an medical illness, not a mood.

Same for anxiety disorder. My triggers cause me physical symptoms such as panic attacks, consuming feelings of dread and fear, dizziness etc. It is paralysing and has made my life a misery.

They are both disabilities that seriously affect people's lives. I wish there was a different name for these disorders that separate them more clearly from just depression and anxiety.

My work and job was life saving. It brought structure, routine and an absolute need to focus my attention entirely outwards so a break from the trauma of what I had to deal with. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you having a job that brings a lot of difficulties. That is so hard.

DH has been signed off work for just over six months now. It was his work environment making him unwell. He had to get out of the situation. He won't be returning to that same role, but has a meeting soon to decide which job he can do that won't make him ill.

Part of the trouble for young people especially is probably that there is no intervention or support until difficulties have reached crisis level. Some young people might overcome their difficulties with early support but there is none and then they may go on to develop chronic anxiety conditions.

Also, if you have any form of neurodivergence identified, it has been my experience that mental health services won't support you and you should just "expect" to suffer from anxiety. Again, this can then escalate until it is completely debilitating.

I also hate this idea that working solves all depression/anxiety problems. It really doesn't always. My workplace is actually ok as workplaces go, but being around people and having to perform to a certain standard is what causes most of my anxiety.

OP just hear those people as saying anyone who feels a bit depressed a few days a month / year, when they’ve lost a relationship, a bit down … and no, those shouldn’t receive any financial support.
you know, like the rest of us who have debilitating MH issues, they do fit the criteria and they do need support, many cannot work at all, unpredictability of when things may flare, fowmhowmlong … how can those people manage a job too .. so just remember these people with zero insight into clinical depression and/or anxiety are just ignorant

It totally depends doesn't it. I've definitely had jobs that made everything worse, but I've also had jobs that were positive and of course it's nice to have money. But no amount of money compensates for misery. (This is also true of benefits money imo, for those who are unable to work.)

Sorry you're going through this OP ❤️ Is it something you've always experienced?

I don't think people with depression/anxiety should get disability benefits. I think they should get ordinary levels of benefits unemployed people get, without hhe harassment to work. This isn't about saving money or thinking people are faking or something. I would put every penny spent on PIP or whatever its called into treatment for people. Like it or not, money is a huge motivator and I think creates an impediment to getting well, if you get well, you can lose a lot of money. Depression/anxiety is more prevalent in deprived communities. If people get disability benefits they very often have more money, or as much money as their peers doing low paid, hard, miserable jobs. There is huge jeopardy getting well because the future looking at you is a shit zero hours job in a warehouse for poverty wages. I come from this sort of community and know these people. And I'm not saying for a minute people are faking depression/anxiety. I don't think it should earn you any extra money though. Young people (particularly) need better life options and low paid, so called menial work (hate that description) should buy people a decent life.

If I stayed at home I would cry all day. It was the one thing that comforted me when I was alone and ruminating. One of the other good things about work is that when you’re around people you have to focus on not crying, and I got good at it, so much so that I had the confidence that I could go out and socialise without the embarrassment of bursting into tears the whole time. That in itself got me better.

This doesn’t work if your workplace is the source of negativity. I once worked in a toxic workplace and got out as quickly as possible. Doing so is so important for your mental health.

I suffered in silence, help and support would have been better for me long term. The school taking bullying seriously would have been good as well. I think you have an overly rosy view of the past, I'm talking about early 90s in my previous post, by the mid 90s the media was full of concern over the mental health of teenagers and specifically self-harm.

I'm glad my son will talk to us and his teachers rather than hide how he's feeling.

On a slight tangent, when my DF was in school he had teachers who were WWII veterans and would now be considered to have PTSD and offered treatment. Was it better when they were expected to re-enter normal life, never speak of it again and just get on with it? Or is recognition & treatment of PTSD a positive? In which case why not the same for other mental health problems?

The LCW group for UC is the same as jobseekers, without the work search requirement (although there is very light touch appointments with the Job Centre... usually twice a year).
Living on less than £100pw is not going to "motivate" someone out of poor mental health. In fact, it will probably make it worse.

I agree with you, OP. I consider myself very fortunate to never have suffered depression or anxiety. I’ve lived through hard times & bad things, but it’s not the same.

So what are you doing to help yourself? all this understanfing people are looking for all seems to be going one way, no idea if you do this but yes there are people who exoect everyone else to do eveyrthing for them and change for them but do nothing to help themselves and expect help just to fall in their lap

Yes as much as people dont want to admit it there are professional victims who think they are constantly hard done by and make anxiety, depresson whatever people want to label it the centre of the whole world and do nothing to help themsleves, there is only so much other people can take

and people just going along with it and tip toeing around them just enable the martyring, there are people who only want to beleive a selection of what people tell them and go with that, it is not healthy

yes I quoted your post but I am saying this of the general popluation

I think both are a spectrum.

Many people experience one or both at times, some more than others, and some all of the time.

The issue is the people who are 'mild' overegg it and claim it affects them much more than it does (for benefits, attention, whatever), which ruins it for those who are severely affected. And because it is a spectrum and based on what people say (there is no objective measurement), then it's impossible to prove or disprove what someone says they experience day to day.

I agree that living in such poverty is no good for anyone's mental health. This is what many low paid workers are facing, I'm not surprised they end up depressed. On thing I really hate on MN is poor people working all hours in hard jobs that I couldn't do and then being blamed for their own poverty. And God forbid they should dare to be so frivolous to buy themselves a takeaway coffee.

I would also add in ‘stress’ - hugely overused I feel as a negative reaction when it’s often a natural reaction to more pressure than usual or being outside the comfort zone -

This!!!

Prolonged stress can lead to burnout though, which is a very real thing.

Yes. And burnt out employees are generally detrimental to everyone, including themselves.

It isn’t the same as a normal physical illness though. A lot of “it” is down to mindset. I cured myself of my horrific anxiety by truly doing some internal work.

You can have the genetics and trauma for mental illness, but you can create conditions yourself that enable recovery and a sense of agency. You don’t necessarily have a “disorder” for life.

My mum had severe OCD until she gained insight when she trained as a mental health nurse.

My nan was a schizophrenic. A revolving door patient for 50 years until expert psychotherapy “cured” her specific hallucinations etc, which by the way resulted from severe childhood trauma. She lived in relative peace in her later years. Zero hospital stays and zero medication. This was after a lifetime of meds, sectioning and even ECT at the age of 18. She was a complex individual with severe and enduring mental health. With the right education and tools she was still able to recover.

My uncle had bipolar and had had lots of manic depression, coupled with psychosis and hospital stays. Even he admits now in his 60s a lot of his illness was behavioural and that once he decided to start sleeping better and living a healthier life, he was never hospitalised again.

Same story for others in my family with various diagnoses. And yes, depression and anxiety are the garden variety of mental illnesses. We ALL suffer to some degree, particularly if you’ve had ACEs etc. My anxiety can be just as raving as my younger years. The only difference now is, I have better internal coping mechanisms. That’s down to resilience and a strong mindset.

It just isn’t like a broken leg. That rhetoric was damaging to people. If offered them no hope. Infact, having a sense of agency and control regarding your own mental health is the very foundation of recovery. You have more control than you think. Unfortunately a lot of people have fell deep in the modern reductionist approach to MH, all in the name of reducing stigma. Admirable, but damaging.

You don’t necessarily have to suffer for the rest of your life. Unpopular opinion, but yes, a lot of it does come down to mindset.

Everyone gets anxious - not everyone has anxiety.
too much is misunderstood and agree most people have no clue. The people who are closest to those who struggle have some insight but won’t fully understand still. Compassion and kindness - time and routine all help for our family member.

Yep all the we understand MH better etc well I would love to know who does...people will see a broken arm and instantly give grace, they see a mh person and treat them like there just a rude adult.

Exactly this. I have depression despite an arguably lovely life. I don’t have it because of my circumstances so where I live is irrelevant…. Other than being privileged enough to have affordable medical care to both diagnose and treat it.

And also, some of the attitudes I see are what makes me feel ashamed of it and try to hide it, far from using it as an excuse like some would say.

@TheHouse Well if it was as easy as that everyone would do it.

I do disagree with the concept of "illness" when it comes to mental processes. I don't think a mind can be ill and it certainly isn't "like" a leg, broken or not. But the path to mental equilibrium is a complex one, and often people need assistance to find it. The success stories you have recounted are wonderful but it sounds like it took each of your family members decades to get there. That's a shame. Really for me the ideal would be to have multifaceted long term structures in place to holistically support people who stumble and fall - not in a bullshit wellness kind of way but in a creative therapeutic setting, underpinned by notions of equity, acceptance and recovery.