To think a lot of people don't understand what a depression or anxiety disorder are?

[darkuncertainplace]

I'm writing this out of both frustration and despair. I have felt for a while that a lot of people don't actually understand what it means to have major depressive disorder, or an anxiety disorder.

I have heard so many people say the following in the last few years:

"Everyone gets anxiety/depression"
"You've just got to snap yourself out of it/get on with things"
"Just do things that make you happy and you'll feel better"
"It's normal to be anxious, we all just have to get on with it"

Etc etc. It makes me feel so frustrated. As someone who was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 18, you cannot just pull yourself out of it. You are in a dark, dark hole and you can't see the beauty or joy in anything. You feel nothing except emptiness and darkness. It's an medical illness, not a mood.

Same for anxiety disorder. My triggers cause me physical symptoms such as panic attacks, consuming feelings of dread and fear, dizziness etc. It is paralysing and has made my life a misery.

They are both disabilities that seriously affect people's lives. I wish there was a different name for these disorders that separate them more clearly from just depression and anxiety.

I have bipolar and PTSD. Depressive episodes for me are a crushing pressure inside that stops my brain and body from working. I find it helpful to view it as having neurotransmitters in brain that don’t function well and need medication help. I know that’s a simplification.

I agree people don’t know what’s it’s like but I find that’s true of most things. My Mum was psychotic in the 80s and observing how she was treated by family, friends and medical people is part of my cPTSD. It’s a lot safer to have a Serious Mental Illness now compared to then., But I agree with op that it’s not easy in a way that is indescribable. And people don’t admit to having them - me included -so it’/s very lonely too.

My biggest complaint is that there is plenty of treatment for people in our situation but unless someone’s a risk to themselves or others, they get left. A small increase in my meds brought me straight out of a moderate depressive episode.,but it took 6 months to be agreed and action thanks to admin issues and staff changes. I got to the point of feeling I couldn’t go on living like this every day but didn’t meet the crisis team criteria as I wasn’t deemed an actual risk to myself. My DH has to call up tell them he felt it was neglect for them to take action. I fear for my future. I do everything on my care plan and am back living an active life now I’m more well but nothing could fix what was going wrong inside other than medication.

Most people have experienced them, sure as normal reactive emotions to triggers.

Most people haven't experienced them as disorders, which are not a spectrum and are diagnosed when a criteria threshold is met.

Nobody ever says there's a spectrum of broken legs do they? Or a spectrum of type 2 diabetes.

I'd go so far as to say that most people don't 'get' what most chronic health conditions are in reality.

I had clinical depression for 10 years in my late 20s early 30s. The number one thing that helped me was getting up and going to work each day. If I was ever at home during the day alone I would get non stop panic attacks. Medication certainly helped, but so did a ‘fake it til I make it’ pretend to be normal attitude, even if on the days where I was so catatonically despairing I struggled to talk to colleagues all.

When I see young people signed off work for ‘depression’ I think it’s horrendous. It’s the worst possible thing that could be done. It just allows their despair to fester and grow. How on earth do you claw your way out of that? Daycare is needed for these people, not letting them stew at home in their own misery.

I’m even off the medication now. It’s a long road, but you’re not going to get there if you’re signed off sick.

Each person is different.

For me, just gritting my teeth and getting on with it plays a huge part in managing my depressions. Deciding one day to just keep pushing through severe anxiety is the reason I’m no longer a situational mute.

Of course it’s difficult. It can feel impossible and overwhelming, but (for me) just getting on with it is part of treatment and recovery.

I had extreme CPTSD and I experienced a lot of what you have described but there was a root cause, there was a path through and it involved taking responsibility and making significant changes both internally and externally in my life so I’ve definitely had an experience of a major depressive and anxiety condition and while I know it can feel hopeless and extremely gruelling but there are treatments out there.

But what do you need them to get is it, i dont mean specifically the op, but is it so they'll understand something you are telling them, to get out of something, an excuse for behaviour, a general discussion topic

Dare I say it but a little bit of empathy goes both ways. Taking the analogy used above, you've been on crutches with a chronic condition your whole life and you see someone struggling with crutches for the first time. Do you roll your eyes and think oh big deal boo hoo, or do you reassure them that you know truly know how they feel, and you know they will get better soon. You envy them of course but in their moment of despair you know they need to hear this, and you hope they understand going forward that what they experienced was only a snapshot of what you experience all your life.

@NoSoupForU yes people in Russia absolutely do that. But what they don’t do is attempt to live off others (taxpayers or family) at the same rate that people in the UK do. So they manage to not be disabled enough by it to instead earn their own living.

@darkuncertainplace who are the people that you're discussing it with?

As someone who was in treatment for A&D for years, it's best not to discuss it with anyone

I would say at one point, my anxiety became anxiety disorder but it's not a discussion I had with anyone except my parents.

I really think we talk about this stuff far too much these days (as a society) and it leads to a weird situation where people think they know about it when they might actually have zero experience and just watched something on YouTube.

Talking about it leads to a whole host of voices who have a mild non-disorder based illness and then people who are seriously ill get lumped in with those people.

, I preferred it when I was first diagnosed and it was totally hush-hush and not something you would ever tell people. It was a bit weird being so scared that work might find out but frankly, it seems better than what we've got now.

I feel like you're saying people who have no knowledge of the disorders have a lot of opinions - they probably do but why does the conversation come up?

Anyway, I wish you all the best OP. I am kind of proof that it's not necessarily just an awful dark tunnel. I admit I'm pretty negative on here but I'm quite normal in real life 😂

How on earth do you know how many people in those countries are living with these conditions ?

stupid thing to say

The second part of your post is a wild statement. How do you know that exactly?

No, they just kill themselves instead.

Yes, it isn't helped by the go-to referral to 'talking therapies'. As if CBT (changing the way you think about things) could be helpful to someone with, for eg, psychosis.

@TY78910

I’m not referring to people who have such or such diagnosis. I’m referring to people who use that diagnosis to live off others (be it taxpayers or family).
States publish statistics about numbers of people on sickness / disability benefits, NEETs etc.

Maybe they just commit suicide instead. Hence Russia having a suicide rate amongst the highest in the world.

Or maybe they actually do claim benefits, as Russia has a welfare system.

Some of the responses here clearly show that no a lot of people really don't get it.

I have both depression and anxiety.
Yes I 'just get on with it' because I'm a parent and I have a job so I have no choice but to get on with it.
It doesn't take away that deep dark hole inside, or stop the dread, sickness, nausea and dizziness from the anxiety and having to push through when all you want to do is disappear.
It isn't caused by things we do or don't do. It is literally chemical imbalances in the brain, it is an actual illness as real as a broken bone.
Anyone who suffers every day would agree if we could just snap out of it and be happy we would break our necks running to do so.

Agreed. And can we add to this phobias which are under the umbrella of anxiety disorders. Sick of people thinking it’s funny to try to force you face images of your phobia because “everybody is scared of something.”

I don't think that anyone who doesn't have depression and/or anxiety will ever understand it properly. I've heard frustrated family members saying that things like anxiety don't exist, and that "people came back from the war with less" (mmm... OK, then, is that why a relative would drink himself silly so that he could sleep through the night without waking up screaming?). Apparently, because everyone else can manage, so should I. Even a very well-respected and senior management at my workplace thinks that a few weeks on anti-depressants fixes everything, and then you don't have to take them anymore. If only!

I have anxiety and it's awful, because it is not something that I can control or get rid of. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I do try to think, "I know that I can't control these things, but I still worry about them", but there are days when it is overpowering and I just about manage to function enough to get to the end of the working day without at least vomiting.

@CrystalMazeFun
"Depressive episodes for me are a crushing pressure inside that stops my brain and body from working"

Yes! I have never read a description that describes what goes on in my head so accurately. It's almost like a pain. It feels like my head is folding in on itself.

I guess your standard adult doesn't know the ins and outs of clinical depression and thats OK. We cant all be experts in psychiatry. Just like I dont know anything about plumbing beyond turning off the stopcock.

You can't expect people you meet day to day to have an in depth understanding of your specific mental health problems or any other disability so people will make ignorant comments or suggestions. Thats OK, just ignore them and focus on ensuring your close support network understand your needs to the best of their ability.

Wow are people really holding up Russia and Ukraine as examples of national good mental health practice? Why not throw in North Korea and Myanmar while you're at it?

OP I'm sorry you are struggling now. Fwiw lots of us have experienced dark times or are close to someone who has, and can empathize. There's a lot of it about! Not everyone is an uncaring compassionless dullard.

Do you have support? Is there anything that you've found useful? That quietens the static?

It is reassuring to see that some of you do understand. But sad to see a lot don't.

To the people saying that those with these disorders shouldn't receive benefits - really, so if one was so depressed that they couldn't go to work you would rather they starved to death in their bed? Or on the streets? Because I bet that's what happened in the olden days. Depression/anxiety aren't choices. People with these disorders desperately wish they were normal and could work like everyone else.

For the record, I do work, but only two days a week. Those two days are the worst of my life. I spend all week dreading them. Because I know i have to get dressed, try to concentrate and interact with people, when normally just brushing my teeth is a mammoth task. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing it. I don't even know how I do it. But I'm close to a breakdown. If I have to quit, would people rather I lost my house and starved to death on the streets?

I remember thinking that winning the lottery would make absolutely no difference to how awful I felt. In fact, I thought I’d give it all away if it meant I could make my brain better.

I have so much empathy with anyone suffering the horrors of depression and anxiety. Hell does exist, and it’s in the mind.

I think unless someone has been there they can't really understand it.
I used to be of the 'pull yourself together' feeling, and most of the time it worked for me. Until it didn't.
When I had 'mild' depression and was on antidepressants I could pull myself together and get to work.
But then when I became suicidal I couldn't. It was a totally different ball game. Getting out of bed and getting to open the door so the crisis team could come in each day took all my energy. I had to have people sit with me so that I couldn't kill myself as left alone my thoughts would take me to a place that everyone would be better off without me there. The crisis team worked for weeks to get me stable enough to be able to even think about doing talking therapy. I was still taking antidepressants so goodness knows what it would have been like if I wasn't.
I have since been diagnosed with PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder as well as depression and anxiety. And yes the majority of the time I can pull myself together and get to work. But I was back under the crisis team 6 months ago.