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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel frustrated over being copied.

87 replies

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:21

Feeling fed up. It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s annoying. I’ve named changed for privacy and I’m going to change details to try to keep this as anonymous as possible.

I have a lifelong interest. Something that has really influenced me as a person. Let’s pretend that is motor cross. This interest influences how I dress, where I go, what I do at the weekend etc.

I have a sister (we are both in our thirties by the way) who has never showed any interest in my particular hobby. They’ve never even tried it. But, they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me.

They are wandering around wearing the jacket or the shoes, very similar to mine, even talking the talk. It’s gotten quite strange, as though they’ve almost convinced themselves that this is ‘their thing’ as well. They talk as if they’ve been doing it for years - allowing people to believe this is ‘our hobby’. If I buy a special top, they buy it too. And when they look at me, dressed like my reflection, they are looking at me with this look that questions ‘is she buying this?’.

We work together for the same company and it’s getting embarrassing. I feel like I’m having my identity stolen, as dramatic as that sounds. I looked a bit different with my particular style, perhaps a tad eccentric and that was fine. Now we look like a pair of wally’s and I’m losing my own confidence.

I’ve asked her to stop. She seems to not feel like she’s doing anything, or she brushes it off, or changes the subject.

And the worst thing…if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern.

AIBU? I’m not trying to gate keep a particular aesthetic, but I like being myself and in a way I almost feel mocked. Just to add, I don’t tell her what I have, I don’t show her what I’m going to buy. If she sees me in something on a Monday for example, by Friday she’s got herself something similar.

OP posts:
LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:26

Sorry, I should say that my hobby is quite niche in the UK which makes the ‘style’ quite unusual and therefore the copying more obvious.

OP posts:
Bobbie12345678 · 31/03/2026 02:28

That is super weird and very annoying.
Sounds like you might need to work on getting some separation. You shouldn’t have to, but would you change your job?

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:32

Bobbie12345678 · 31/03/2026 02:28

That is super weird and very annoying.
Sounds like you might need to work on getting some separation. You shouldn’t have to, but would you change your job?

I couldn’t change my job. It’s taken a long time to get to my position and leaving would mean a huge drop in pay. I have been in my job for 12 years. My sister is in the same place but not the same role and has only worked there the past 3 years.

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 31/03/2026 02:49

I'd be tempted to buy something very unflattering, let her see you trying it on and 'planning' to wear it then return it when she's bought the same thing and actually worn it. Preferably something quite expensive. Or try to steer her in another direction and copy someone else? It sounds very annoying.

JMSA · 31/03/2026 03:35

That’s very frustrating for you. It’s like she lacks the confidence to carve out her own identity.
What I’m finding surprising is that she has started this pattern of behaviour relatively recently. She really hasn’t done anything like this in the past?

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

Outofmywindow · 31/03/2026 04:16

Organise your clothes into a work uniform. Don’t wear anything new or different to work. But really OP you should just tell her it’s not on. Id be telling colleagues about her odd ways. Might she be ill?

WellThatsAlrightThen · 31/03/2026 05:07

I get what you mean, I’d feel a right numpty all matchy matchy!I honestly don’t know what you can do considering you’ve asked her to stop. Do you see her much outside of work? At work I’d probably start wearing whatever your generic work clothes are and if you see her outside work just plain top and jeans. Keep your preferred clothes for when you don’t see her. I know you shouldn’t have to change but if she won’t then you have to.

InterestedDad37 · 31/03/2026 05:24

It's no doubt frustrating and annoying, but at the root of it might be admiration, possibly.

Westun · 31/03/2026 05:32

Has the only started recently? Are you more senior to her at work? I wonder if she doesn’t feel confident in her job so is looking up to you as a role model.

I’ve had my own sister do similar things but a mix of clothes and lifestyle choices. Over time it’s really impacted our relationship as I find myself distancing myself from her.

MoodyMargaret11 · 31/03/2026 05:48

That's really bizarre. Has anything happened recently, a change in her life or yours that may have triggered it - something that could have made her feel insecure, jealous or competitive?

I think you need to push further on this with her, make your feelings clear and ask outright why she's doing it. If she deflects/ignores don't leave it, keep challenging her on the spot.

Failing this, I'd do as suggested above re "work uniform". Or I'd have some fun with it, start dressing like her usual style, or a mixture of random clothes/styles 2-3 out of the 5 days. She won't be able to keep up.

Comtesse · 31/03/2026 06:29

Take the piss out of her. Be like those annoying men who ask people wearing Led Zeppelin t shirts a million questions to prove they aren’t “real fans”.

Or start wearing very plain jeans and black t shirts to work all the time so there is nothing to pick up on.

Longwalkwithpup · 31/03/2026 06:47

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Longwalkwithpup · 31/03/2026 06:48

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newornotnew · 31/03/2026 06:52

Seems an unusual relationship all round, what with working together.

I agree with the suggestion to wear very plain clothes at work, and save your personal style for other times, and minimise contact.

RodeoClown · 31/03/2026 07:06

I too would start wearing less hobby based clothing at work and almost create a uniform like @Outofmywindowsuggested.

It’s a strange thing for her to do and Imam not surprised you are taken aback.

moose62 · 31/03/2026 07:12

Have you spoken to her about it in a serious way and asked her why she feels the need to emulate everything you do?

Perhaps pretend to take up a completely wild hobby, just to see how far she will go or perhaps tone down what you wear to work for a while so there is nothing to copy?

You shouldn't have to change yourself to stop her copying you but it might be a last resort.

Appraisaling · 31/03/2026 07:15

All very odd. Next time when you wear a new outfit on Monday, could you say, ‘so will you be copying this by the end of the week?!’ And see what she says.

It sounds strange and irritating but there is nothing much you can do as she can wear what she wants.

I am so desperate to know this hobby 😳

Appraisaling · 31/03/2026 07:15

Cheerleading outfit? And the ‘talk’ is chanting the uplifting phrases?

NooNakedJacuzziness · 31/03/2026 07:17

Is the hobby Morris dancing (please let it be Morris dancing)?

Everlil · 31/03/2026 07:18

Stop wearing bowling shoes to work?

5128gap · 31/03/2026 07:22

Its possible she has become as genuinely enthused by the thing as you, wants to emerse herself and is looking at you as a veteran to role model how to.
However, if you are convinced this is about you, then there will be a reason that goes beyond admiration. You've been in her life forever, so it would be incredibly weird for her to decide to copy your life all of a sudden without a trigger. Has anything happened in her life or your relationship with her that could explain it? A reason for her to feel insecure, or to want to get at you?

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 31/03/2026 07:23

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

What a horrible comment!

I'm sure OP means she feels ridiculous because all of a sudden it looks like she and her sister are dressed to match. OP sounds very comfortable and confident in her appearance in general but of course it's going to feel childish and odd if everyone at work thinks you and your sister like to dress alike at all times.

And I think "the look" the sister is giving means "Does she believe what I'm saying and doing?" Not "Is she really going to buy that item?".

You've fundamentally misunderstood the OP, assumed the worst, and then insulted her. Ooft.

TheGoldenOwl · 31/03/2026 07:24

Archery? I knew a few Archers who would have some Robin Hood esque quirks to their style

SardinesOnButteredToast · 31/03/2026 07:25

Superbly annoying. I've had this a few times in a friend that decided to retrain not only to my career (not too uncommon) but to my exact specialty (extremely niche); a colleague who seemed to throw her entire wardrobe out to buy clothes in my (then) very distinctive style such that colleagues sniggered that we were 'twinning'; and a colleague who went out of their way to do every professional project (out of role) that I did (again, very usual projects for people in my role). My manager told me it's because I'm a trailblazer, but because I'd like to think of myself as individual, creative and 'thinking out of the box', I felt like each of those people took something from me.

It's clearly not illegal to hunt down similar (non high street) clothes, retrain, or carve a very unusual career path, and I don't own any of those choices, but each time I felt like people had traded on the thought, effort, and work I'd put in to develop myself or my career to just make a cheap Next-version rip off of an independent designer's work. (If you don't get the reference, Next have taken the work of at least four very small independent traders and mass copied them this year).

OP, I'm feeling your pain.