Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel frustrated over being copied.

87 replies

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:21

Feeling fed up. It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s annoying. I’ve named changed for privacy and I’m going to change details to try to keep this as anonymous as possible.

I have a lifelong interest. Something that has really influenced me as a person. Let’s pretend that is motor cross. This interest influences how I dress, where I go, what I do at the weekend etc.

I have a sister (we are both in our thirties by the way) who has never showed any interest in my particular hobby. They’ve never even tried it. But, they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me.

They are wandering around wearing the jacket or the shoes, very similar to mine, even talking the talk. It’s gotten quite strange, as though they’ve almost convinced themselves that this is ‘their thing’ as well. They talk as if they’ve been doing it for years - allowing people to believe this is ‘our hobby’. If I buy a special top, they buy it too. And when they look at me, dressed like my reflection, they are looking at me with this look that questions ‘is she buying this?’.

We work together for the same company and it’s getting embarrassing. I feel like I’m having my identity stolen, as dramatic as that sounds. I looked a bit different with my particular style, perhaps a tad eccentric and that was fine. Now we look like a pair of wally’s and I’m losing my own confidence.

I’ve asked her to stop. She seems to not feel like she’s doing anything, or she brushes it off, or changes the subject.

And the worst thing…if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern.

AIBU? I’m not trying to gate keep a particular aesthetic, but I like being myself and in a way I almost feel mocked. Just to add, I don’t tell her what I have, I don’t show her what I’m going to buy. If she sees me in something on a Monday for example, by Friday she’s got herself something similar.

OP posts:
TheGoldenOwl · 31/03/2026 07:29

Second the idea of wearing plain jeans and black tee shirt to work, limiting contact and being very "beige" in your interactions with her.

It is really sad but it makes you feel this awful, and she isnt receptive to stopping (assuming you have tried talking to her?) then options are:

a) lose your sister and just back away from her entirely, telling her why
b) put up with it

ETA - this might be a phase and you might end up sisterly again one day xx

ClaredeBear · 31/03/2026 07:33

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

What a length to go to, just to be nasty! Sounds more like she admires the aesthetic to me.

ClaredeBear · 31/03/2026 07:39

I totally agree with PP. It might be best to radically change what you wear to work, which might be difficult when you’ve worn the same style for so long, not to mention expensive but you could try charity shops for a few basics. I’d be interested to know how it goes down with her. If she asks you could tell her you’re bored with the look.

itsmeits · 31/03/2026 07:39

My sister split with her long time abusive BF.

That was her trigger to take over my life - she didn't have one anymore.

Yes it was upsetting to see her going though the break up. Didn't mean she needed to turn up to everything I did everywhere I went.
I feel you @LlamaBasket I did my hobby from 13 she joined at 33! now she's the expert!

I have walked away from that group of friends and let her have them. She was slowly turning people against me.

MightyFlow · 31/03/2026 07:42

"they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me."

"if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern."

How long has this been going on? Is this new behaviour or has she done it before?

TheBlueKoala · 31/03/2026 07:48

I would be worried about her mental health. Clearly she feels lost and is trying to form an identity copying you.
@LlamaBasket Can you tone down the hobby astethics at work? Unless your work actually is your hobby? Like if you're in hells angels you can just wear a black t-shirt and jeans which is very neutral.
Or tell her that people are making fun of her for copying you and propose to help her find a style that suits her.

GoBackToBooks · 31/03/2026 07:55

@LlamaBasket this usually happens with teenage friends / friend group, you see them all walking around wearing pretty much the same, the ‘latest fashion’. One copying the other.

It’s usually a compliment to be copied (or so I tell my 14 yo) but by your thirties people do generally have their own sense of style. However, your sister likes your style, so it could actually be her style too, it’s just unfortunate that it isn’t based on the latest trend as it would just look normal for you both to be wearing it tbh.

If you think you look like a pair of wallies, then you probably do. Hence the embarrassment. Best have a re-think on the overall look as you may look like a wallie even without being copied.

Comtesse · 31/03/2026 08:01

TheGoldenOwl · 31/03/2026 07:24

Archery? I knew a few Archers who would have some Robin Hood esque quirks to their style

That would be amazing! I was thinking maybe ice hockey eg wearing team shirts (but not sure about the footwear - no one would wear skates to the office … would they?)

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 31/03/2026 08:40

This is beyond the pale...

What has she said about any of this...?

If people think its a joint hobby I'd be clear and correct them "its not and i find her behaviour odd tbh but what can you do... <tinkly laugh>" and I'd say it if she was there too

Avoid her at work...

Are your parents about?
I'd speak to them and say she's having some kind of life crisis...

In the meantime i'd become Steve jobs.
Jeans or black pants and black polos all day long at work.

Serene135 · 31/03/2026 08:58

I know you mentioned that you didn’t want to say but I’m so intrigued. Is it a style from the past like 50s clothes? I absolutely love the old style of dresses etc 💐

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:02

JMSA · 31/03/2026 03:35

That’s very frustrating for you. It’s like she lacks the confidence to carve out her own identity.
What I’m finding surprising is that she has started this pattern of behaviour relatively recently. She really hasn’t done anything like this in the past?

She has done things like it before, but never this obvious. Mildly irritating previously, very full on this time.

OP posts:
LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:05

Bopabopstomp · 31/03/2026 04:01

You say you look like a couple of wallies, and she keeps giving you a look; could she be trying to show you what you look like to everyone else?

No. It’s like, if you saw someone wearing a shell suit you’d probably raise an eyebrow, but if they wore it with confidence and seemed to love it; you’d be ‘ok, good for you’. But if two siblings were wearing shell suits, it’s a lot harder to get on board with that.

I don’t wear shell suits btw.

OP posts:
LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:07

Outofmywindow · 31/03/2026 04:16

Organise your clothes into a work uniform. Don’t wear anything new or different to work. But really OP you should just tell her it’s not on. Id be telling colleagues about her odd ways. Might she be ill?

Ill, in the sense of mental illness, yes I think so. I don’t mean that cruelly - I genuinely think something has changed or snapped. Something is definitely going on. This isn’t completely unusual for her, but it is more intense than normal.

OP posts:
TittyGajillions · 31/03/2026 09:09

I think you both sound odd, you because you've let this particular interest become your whole personality and your sister because she's copying you.
Maybe you both need to branch out a bit?

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:10

MoodyMargaret11 · 31/03/2026 05:48

That's really bizarre. Has anything happened recently, a change in her life or yours that may have triggered it - something that could have made her feel insecure, jealous or competitive?

I think you need to push further on this with her, make your feelings clear and ask outright why she's doing it. If she deflects/ignores don't leave it, keep challenging her on the spot.

Failing this, I'd do as suggested above re "work uniform". Or I'd have some fun with it, start dressing like her usual style, or a mixture of random clothes/styles 2-3 out of the 5 days. She won't be able to keep up.

Yes, something big has changed for me recently. I don’t want to say what. I could see how that may have put added pressure on how she feels.

OP posts:
LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:13

moose62 · 31/03/2026 07:12

Have you spoken to her about it in a serious way and asked her why she feels the need to emulate everything you do?

Perhaps pretend to take up a completely wild hobby, just to see how far she will go or perhaps tone down what you wear to work for a while so there is nothing to copy?

You shouldn't have to change yourself to stop her copying you but it might be a last resort.

I have spoken to her. She completely denies it. It’s like she can’t see what she’s doing herself, or she’s pretending not to.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 31/03/2026 09:13

RodeoClown · 31/03/2026 07:06

I too would start wearing less hobby based clothing at work and almost create a uniform like @Outofmywindowsuggested.

It’s a strange thing for her to do and Imam not surprised you are taken aback.

Yeah I've got to be honest, while not as odd as her copying you- tbh even her coming to work at the same company would have annoyed me as well - having a hobby that is so all consuming it influences how you dress and act every day comes across as a bit weird too.

I can't even work out what would come under that category - my initial thought was "horses" but that's hardly niche and tbh if you were going around in full jodpur and hunting jacket at work that is also odd. Then thought about something like steampunk but that hasn't been around that long...either way, whatever it is, there's a line between dressing with a token nod to your interests (fan merch related t shirt, black dress if goth, white blouse and braided hair if cottage core/historical renactment etc) while still being professional, (particularly as it sounds like you're in a fairly senior position) which, even if she did still copy you people wouldn't really make the connection (2 women wearing a black dress, wow!), vs what sounds like doing full on cosplay every day.

You can still dress more full on outside of work, and restrict how often you see her.

Do the two of you still have your parents? Does she have a partner? I'd talk to them and see if they've noticed anything, if it's as drastic a change in her appearance and the way she behaves as you've suggested, they probably find it a bit weird too.

Tbh you could even bring it to HR - not coming at it from a "copying my clothes" angle but a "I've noticed a complete change in the way she behaves and she won't talk to me about it, I'm wondering if her manager has noticed anything or has any concerns about her MH?" They have a welfare responsibility towards her too, they might not be able to tell you the outcome of any conversation but her manager sitting down and asking her "we are concerned you're suddenly dressing in Japanese lolita fashion" might be enough to shock her out of it a bit?

DuracellbunnyAPlus · 31/03/2026 09:15

Why did she start working where you work? Was she already starting to copy you then, because this has vibes of stalking behaviour.

My sister is obsessed with me, and not in a good way. She went through a copying phase as well. Now she basically hates me.

Do you actually have or want a relationship with her?

ThejoyofNC · 31/03/2026 09:20

Ooh a secret hobby! I don't really understand why you look fine wearing it alone but if there's two of you you look like wallies?

history505 · 31/03/2026 09:21

Roller derby? Just wear very plain stuff to work, no need to wear your hobby stuff there anyway.

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:38

I love some of these comments. I’m definitely not walking around in archery getup, or ice hockey shirts, or bowling shoes 😂 Although no judgement on those who do.

I really wish I could say, but it could make this thread really identifying and I love my sister and don’t want to set out to hurt her…I just want her to understand she’s hurting me. we see each other a lot. My parents are around and do see what’s happening. They have concerns.

It’s not this - but the type of thing it’s closer to is probably surfer chick vibes rather than wearing a pair of jodhpurs daily, or a ninja mask, or a wetsuit of course. It’s authentic pieces that I’ve picked up throughout the years that can be teamed with smart trousers or whatever to look professional but different.

The interest itself isn’t important. I just want to be allowed to be me.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 31/03/2026 09:42

Well I’d say it’s born out of insecurity. Were you always the high achieving sibling ? My friend is massively insecure and will “farm” taste from everyone around her. Shes not copying my look head to toe anymore but would have done in the past. She still checks out a new purchase, which sounds like a normal friend behaviour but it’s in an anxious way - as if not having it she is falling behind. This leads to some compulsive shopping behaviour and debt which is a great shame. I’d love her to feel content with who she is as a person. If your sister is younger than you maybe she feels you were always more accomplished and successful.

TittyGajillions · 31/03/2026 09:42

What the what are super chick vibes? Are you dressed like a giant chicken?

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 09:46

TittyGajillions · 31/03/2026 09:42

What the what are super chick vibes? Are you dressed like a giant chicken?

Sorry. I did correct it. Should say ‘surfer chick’

OP posts:
lifeisgoodrightnow · 31/03/2026 09:50

Adult Disney - gotta be

Swipe left for the next trending thread