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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel frustrated over being copied.

87 replies

LlamaBasket · 31/03/2026 02:21

Feeling fed up. It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it’s annoying. I’ve named changed for privacy and I’m going to change details to try to keep this as anonymous as possible.

I have a lifelong interest. Something that has really influenced me as a person. Let’s pretend that is motor cross. This interest influences how I dress, where I go, what I do at the weekend etc.

I have a sister (we are both in our thirties by the way) who has never showed any interest in my particular hobby. They’ve never even tried it. But, they seem to have suddenly decided they like my aesthetic and they have began to buy the same as me.

They are wandering around wearing the jacket or the shoes, very similar to mine, even talking the talk. It’s gotten quite strange, as though they’ve almost convinced themselves that this is ‘their thing’ as well. They talk as if they’ve been doing it for years - allowing people to believe this is ‘our hobby’. If I buy a special top, they buy it too. And when they look at me, dressed like my reflection, they are looking at me with this look that questions ‘is she buying this?’.

We work together for the same company and it’s getting embarrassing. I feel like I’m having my identity stolen, as dramatic as that sounds. I looked a bit different with my particular style, perhaps a tad eccentric and that was fine. Now we look like a pair of wally’s and I’m losing my own confidence.

I’ve asked her to stop. She seems to not feel like she’s doing anything, or she brushes it off, or changes the subject.

And the worst thing…if I started something new, she couldn’t cope and within weeks would copy that too. It’s a pattern.

AIBU? I’m not trying to gate keep a particular aesthetic, but I like being myself and in a way I almost feel mocked. Just to add, I don’t tell her what I have, I don’t show her what I’m going to buy. If she sees me in something on a Monday for example, by Friday she’s got herself something similar.

OP posts:
Dliplop · 31/03/2026 11:47

Like lots of people I did a bit of this in highschool! I had one really nice girl (not even a friend!) who I’d been copying and she killed me with kindness and style sense - pointing out what things we both liked that looked better on me vs her. And a friend’s mum sat 3 of us down and talked about how to be the same but separate.

Harder with your sister since you do look alike, but maybe another sibling or cousin could help her keep the matching pieces but add others. Loved the archer suggestion, so in that case, maybe help her turn it into work appropriate dark academia or cottage core. It’s absolutely hell trying to find an appropriate work aesthetic or switching gears when you’re in a rut. Plus expensive since you’re bound to make mistakes!

If her life is a bit shit right now she also might be struggling with small talk and knows plenty about archery from you so has an outlet. I bet she does have hobbies and doesn’t realize it, so you could buy her work appropriate gifts that tie into her love of cookie baking.

deveronvalley · 31/03/2026 11:53

Reading this I’m cringing at how when I used to copy an older girl at school when I was about 13 or 14. I was embarrassingly dedicated. It must have been sooo obvious looking back. I hope she never saw me!

SugarPuffSandwiches · 31/03/2026 11:58

I'd be tempted to buy myself a bad wig and pretend it was my new hairstyle and stand back until she hopefully copied that too and got her hair cut. 😁

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 31/03/2026 12:33

Copying is the sincerest form of flattery.

Seriously though, that's annoying at best and silly at worst. I can understand why you find it very odd and irritating.

Maybe you should tell her your style is not sustainable with the cost of living as prices of the clothes etc are through the roof. Then pretend to stop wearing them for a bit and see how she is.

BunnyMcDougall · 31/03/2026 12:36

Two of my DH’s sisters are in a similar situation—one copies everything: holidays, jewellery (including engagement ring), hairstyles, honeymoon location, wedding venue, wall colours, fingernails, even buying her DH some of the same clothes as the other sister’s DH too! I watch in amusement, but it must be really irritating for the sister who is being copied. Ultimately there is an adult who doesn’t have the confidence to carve out her own personality and preferences, which is sad. But nothing you can do really?

BillieWiper · 31/03/2026 12:53

Cybergoth?
1930s-50s Vintage?
Harajuku/Japanese cute style?
Earlier vintage, like Victorian?
Metaller?
Rockabilly?
Northern Soul?

I'm sorry I'm so nosy but I'm intrigued!

changedusername190 · 31/03/2026 13:25

I had this years ago with a school mum. At the time we were in the early stage of the renovation of our doer upper.She copied every colour we chose( despite having had her house decorated not long before) The final straw came when I bought a large oil cloth style tablecloth to put over the opening to the loft conversion to keep the dust down. It was utterly awful with a tartan pattern and It sat in my kitchen in the packet and got moved from place to place as I only had a few kitchen units. When I went to her house it was in pride of place on her table with a paint brochure ringed to match my colours.
That was the final straw for me.

JohariWindow · 31/03/2026 13:35

BillieWiper · 31/03/2026 12:53

Cybergoth?
1930s-50s Vintage?
Harajuku/Japanese cute style?
Earlier vintage, like Victorian?
Metaller?
Rockabilly?
Northern Soul?

I'm sorry I'm so nosy but I'm intrigued!

I’m now envisaging a comic strip called Harajuku CEO. Or Cybergoth Dentist…?

BillieWiper · 31/03/2026 19:22

JohariWindow · 31/03/2026 13:35

I’m now envisaging a comic strip called Harajuku CEO. Or Cybergoth Dentist…?

Haha! That would be really cool. I love all those very distinctive styles! I'd totally go to a cybergoth dentist. If they had nice teeth! 😀 X

Roadtripp · 01/04/2026 17:29

BillieWiper · 31/03/2026 12:53

Cybergoth?
1930s-50s Vintage?
Harajuku/Japanese cute style?
Earlier vintage, like Victorian?
Metaller?
Rockabilly?
Northern Soul?

I'm sorry I'm so nosy but I'm intrigued!

Me too. But it’s only a top as can be worn with smart trousers for work - the sexy surfer chick is a curved ball though as doubt it’s a bikini top?

BillieWiper · 01/04/2026 17:59

Roadtripp · 01/04/2026 17:29

Me too. But it’s only a top as can be worn with smart trousers for work - the sexy surfer chick is a curved ball though as doubt it’s a bikini top?

Yeah the plot thickens. If it's just a top it must be for a band? Unless it's extreme corsetry or something? Or a jacket, like is she a biker?

Punk? Skinhead? Gawd I'm desperate now to know...🤣🤔

Outofmywindow · 02/04/2026 08:47

How about a style session thingy, John Lewis do them I think, might help her to find her own style if she’s feeling a bit lost.

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