AIBU to be fed up with him always eating my food?

[DarlVader]

Been seeing someone for about 12 weeks, he told me he had weight loss surgery a few years ago which makes it difficult for him to eat big meals. Fair enough. Issue is that he CONSTANTLY says he’ll “just have a tiny bit of” whatever im eating. Its driving me nuts. If we decide to get a takeaway he’ll say he won’t get one for himself but he’ll have “a tiny bit” of mine. If we get fish and chips he’ll “just have a tiny bit” of mine … but it’s never a tiny bit, its almost half everytime.

We went to cinema a few weeks ago, he said he’d just “have a few” of my popcorn … he ate more of it than I did. I swear most of it was gone before the film started.

So last week I snapped. We went to Lincoln and I saw some lovely looking sausage rolls in the window of a bakery and said I was going to buy one. He said “ooo yes they do look nice! I won’t get a full one though, I’ll just have a tiny bit of yours”. I snapped “no sorry, you’ll have to get your own, I’m not going to stand in the street dividing up a sausage roll”. He seemed suprised and said “oh! Ok … well I suppose I could get one and have half now and half later?” So I said “do what you want, it’s a sausage roll for gods sake”.

Rest of the day was a bit awkward! But I’ve had enough of it, it’s ridiculous.

He’s just asked if I fancy going to York this week and getting a Yorkshire pudding wrap. I replied “yes, one each” so he said “well I don’t know if I could eat a full one” so I said “well no then, let’s not bother”.

AIBU here?? I’m missing just being able to go out and eat/snack a normal couple!

this. Another vote for Team Joey here.

I am on WLI and cannot eat any more than a very small amount at a time. I would not dream of calling attention to this in this way. So unclassy/performative/embarrassing. If out in a restaurant etc I will order something that I presume not to be too big (such as a starter), and then hide, as best I can, anything I did not eat. I would not try to draw attention to how much or how little I eat.

Love this response. "You may only want a little bit but I want a whole portion" is short, succinct, and puts the ball right back in his court. If he wants to order a portion and throw half away, that's his choice. You want a whole portion, and that's your choice.

Next time he says he couldn't eat a whole one just say "well I can and I will" then leave it at that. It would drive me bonkers!

@Createausername1970 why is he suggesting dates that revolve around going somewhere to get a specific food item if he can't eat it? The more I think about it the more it seems he actually has big issues around food and it's never going to be "normal" where food is concerned and as that is a fundamental part of a long term relationship, I would definitely walk away from this situation.

This, unless he's just bloody amazing in other aspects?

But this is being drawn into JADE

The answer is No

More weird is the fact he wants to go to Yorkshire in order NOT to get a pudding wrap 😂

Fucking hell op - why are you still with him? 12 weeks in and he sounds like a fucking dickhead

What is Jade?

Sounds really unattractive!

My mum is like this actually. She's always going on about her bird like appetite and always picking at things. She's staying with us for a few days at the moment, and I baked scones and cookies at the weekend and I find bits taken out of a cookie, 2/3 of a scone left, half a banana in the fruit bowl, half eaten this and that, so irritating.

Fawning behaviours in response to boundary crossing
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

The healthy way to deal with boundary crossing is No
JADE allows the person to then continue
In this case hes gone straight into trying to manipulate further by telling her she will get fat

Adults do not need to JADE to explain their decisions

Reading this thread has made me wonder why people with apparently disordered eating often don't seem to be able to keep their hands to themselves, or put their hands in their pockets to pay for food?

Wonder if "food grabbiness" and "being a tight arse" are symptoms of DE ... ummm 🤔

This.

It sounds like he either has an eating disorder or is mean as hell. Neither is a desirable quality in anyone you are contemplating a long-term relationship with.

Good for you, that would really get on my nerves too and it amazes me how he cannot see how irritating it is for someone else.

He needs to learn to eat properly again without overdoing it.

However does he pay for other things, eg theatre, cinema or the like, if you go out together?

He will give you a complex if you keep seeing him unless you end up banged up first for murdering him out of sheer irriation.

He very clearly has ishoos over food and won't be able to stop the comments and weird behaviour. Call it off now.

Not you're not being unreasonable. My husband often does this because he hates waste but often I'd like three quarters of an adult portion but often end up with the smaller half. It drives me mad!

I don't understand how it could ever escalate to to the point it did - I doubt I would be able to refrain from squawking "I thought you just wanted a tiny bit!?" the first time someone helped themselves to nearly half my food 😂
Even if i was too shocked to react at the time, the second instance woud see me firmly taking charge of allocating the "tiny bit", and then telling him to buy his own if that wasn't enough.

The kindest interpretation I can put on this is that he pretends he hasn't eaten, because he didn't have bis own portion. Like that woman I saw on some sort of weight-loss documentary who couldn't understand why she was so overweight when all she ate was salad, and in reality she was eating horse-portions of greenery, smothered in fatty salad dressings, and drinking gallons of syrupy "coffee" 🤦

I don't think you're being unreasonable not wanting to share your food...I don't like sharing food. I always used to say to my partner, id sooner spend the money on more for them than share mine.
But I do think snapping at them in the middle of the street is massively unnecessary. If it annoyed you that much you should have already said something. If I was him I would seriously consider the relationship if something so unimportant (and as I said, that's coming from someone who doesn't like sharing) got such a response so early on the relationship.

Edit* Although theres no defending the I'm helping you not gain weight comment...that's twatish behaviour.

How much do you like the guy? Is it enough to try to work on this with him?
Does he have other good qualities? Or does he make excuses in other area of his life (getting tasks done, managing money, thinking about your needs)?
we all have our issues in our life and we all have baggage. It sounds like he has had surgery but still has physcological issues around food. Would you be willing to learn how to support him?

Oh god I could never. You must have the patience of a saint. The stealing of my food, the fact he never pays, the dramatics/attention seeking, mentioning your weight. Urghhhh! Why are you with this guy?

Isn't she saying no to sharing by effectively saying I want a whole portion and you do what you want?

Damnit is right. I had never heard of a Yorkshire pudding wrap and now I want one.

I’d bite his face off. I don’t know how you’ve coped for 12 weeks. No jury would convict you for murder on these grounds.

Whereas I love talking about food 😋