AIBU to say no to a trip I can’t get a visa for?

[PeppyBrickQuoter]

We are planning a few city breaks in different countries within the same holiday period, however DP has mentioned going to a country I’m unable to easily get a visa for so I wouldn’t be able to follow them and would have to come back home. AIBU to say no, that I want her to only consider countries we can both visit with the kids. If it were just her I wouldn’t mind but I would feel a lot of anxiety being away from the kids. LO would be 9 months and our eldest would be 2.

I’m currently 3 months post partum.

Of course not. Does she even realize you can’t get a visa?

There are many countries in the world so why do this? Also your children are young still. They won’t remember the trip at all, so do what’s best for you.

You don’t sound unreasonable at all!

Why can’t you get a visa and what countries is it? We might be able to help with alternative ideas or some sort of help

She knows, she doesn’t understand that it’ll be a very gruelling and expensive process with virtually zero chance of approval at the end.

Can't get (as per your title) or can't easily get (as per your post)??

is there a specific reason she wants to go there?

is there a specific reason you don't want to get a visa?

That’s my point but she’s very insistent on a particular country, I think it’ll be difficult for the kids being away from me too. She argues it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity but we can put aside the funds for her to go with her sister but she is fixated on going.

There's no way anyone would take my baby to a different country without me

The other countries are fine, it’s India I won’t be able to get a visa for due to family heritage and family army connections so the chance of India approving it is virtually zero. I just don’t want to be away from the kids at all really.

It’s not that I don’t want to get a visa, if I knew there was a good chance id be approved I would do it. But I don’t, it is a very high chance that the visa will either not being granted or it’ll be left to process for months.

YANBU there is absolutely no reason for this to escalate. If you don't want to spend time on a visa application that is unlikely to be successful then just firmly say "no, i'm not applying for that country's visa, pick another country" and then stop discussing it.

A firm "no" is sometimes all thats required.

If she wants to go, and her sister, is there some form of heritage or cultural reason she wants to go there? India isn't known for being kind to female tourists travelling alone...

I think she is being unreasonable. If this is being organised initially as a family break, then you shouldn't be excluded.

My suggestion is don't go to India this year. Have your break as planned.

But also apply for a VISA and let that take its course. If you get one, then you can arrange a trip there in a couple of years.

But totally unreasonable to exclude you this time.

India isn't well known for its food hygiene or medical care either - I would not take a baby and a 2 year old there.

I wouldn’t recommend India with little kids - I went there, admittedly 25 year ago, and I was constantly ill
from the air pollution or food poisoning.

Your partner is being hugely unreasonable. Why does it have to be now? And why India specifically? Unless there is a very compelling reason, I would just say no.

Does she know this? And is still pushing to go? If so that is...peculiar.

I suspected it was India. If you're of Pakistani heritage, I don't think you'd get a visa before Pahalgam, let alone now. Your DP is incredibly unreasonable and selfish to press the matter.

I wouldn't take a baby or young child to India. Everyone i know who has been there (including myself) has had awful food poisoning. In my case I followed all the safe eating advice and still became very unwell. I've travelled widely and so far it's the only place I wouldn't consider taking children.

Oh I see! That’s a shame if she’s always wanted to go to India but I’m sure she can go another time without your child.

There must be other countries that she can go to that would satisfy what she wants from the trip?

Obviously if she has family in India that’s unfortunate that you can’t go there but she must have known that when she chose to be in a relationship with and had a child with you.

As it happens, my exh is banned from India for the far less good reason of going there for a different reason than his visa was for!

Do you have any reason to suspect that she might want to stay in India with your children? I'm not sure you would get them back in that situation. How confident are you in the relationship?

Is the plan to go to surrounding countries and include India? Why not just keep the kids with you in the neighbouring country. She can pop across to India while you chill in Bhutan, or another safe place.

I really enjoyed India but I got the worst food poisoning of my life there- and I am a really careful and well travelled person. No way I'd take children that young, visa issues aside. Can you compromise on somewhere else- Sri Lanka maybe?

Are you both travelling to the other side of the world and therefore her seeing this country is a once in a lifetime opportunity type thing?