AIBU to say no to a trip I can’t get a visa for?

[PeppyBrickQuoter]

We are planning a few city breaks in different countries within the same holiday period, however DP has mentioned going to a country I’m unable to easily get a visa for so I wouldn’t be able to follow them and would have to come back home. AIBU to say no, that I want her to only consider countries we can both visit with the kids. If it were just her I wouldn’t mind but I would feel a lot of anxiety being away from the kids. LO would be 9 months and our eldest would be 2.

Why is that particular country important to her and why would it be so difficult for you to travel.

I agree with OP. I was refused a visa & no reason was given.

There's absolutely nothing in my background, & when I asked why I was given the brush-off.

Plenty of other countries want my money !

There's no way DH or I would travel with small kids to a country the other one couldn't even visit. Imagine if one of them got ill or had an accident and you couldn't even fly to be with them. I understand her disappointment,.especially if she thinks you are exaggerating the visa issue, but YANBU.

Say no. It's not possible and no, you won't be coming back alone without the kids while she takes them to India. You all go or no one goes.
You've suggested she goes with her sister on a separate trip which is a good idea.

She doesn’t have family connections as she’s fully English but she does have some friends she met in university she’d like to visit in India while we are touring parts of Asia. So they would be her “tour guides” so to speak and she’d plan on staying with them. I wouldn’t be bothered by this if I was allowed into the country but because it’s a very low chance I’ll be allowed, I wouldn’t want the kids to be hospitalised or for her to be hospitalised and for either of our babies left with women they don’t know. She suggested bringing her mum but that still doesn’t solve the issue of our family holiday being split. I have suggested she go alone but she wants to take the kids to see her friends. I don’t see why they can’t meet us in a neighbouring country like Sri Lanka

Wow. She wants to take your baby and toddler for a one in a lifetime’s trip without out. That would be a hard no for me. Neither child will remember it. And I would not have my child taken to another country, especially one, I couldn’t go to myself.

I’m hoping the kids don’t get their visas through I’ve told her she can go on her own and leave the kids with me. I wouldn’t have minded if they were teenagers but they’re so little I’m not having it. She’s currently sulking because I said no.

Absofuckinglutely not.

Just say she can’t take them to a different country without you. The visas are a red herring.

If you can't get a visa due to family heritage/ army connections, surely your children wouldn't be able to get one either due to the same heritage/ connections?

This is a very good point. How’s she going to look after the kids if she gets ill?

whats so special about India? Seems odd to be so insistent over it when she knows your issue. Is she trying to assert herself for some reason? If you were the half of the couple who gave birth to them does she feel side lined from them?

I agree Sri Lanka would be a good compromise and maybe close enough for her Indian friends to pop over to see you if she wants to meet up? Or she goes to India without the kids. I wouldn’t even be letting her apply for a visa if you can’t go.

She’s being ridiculous, the kids will have no memory of it, she would be far better off going with her sister

Does your DP have legal parental authority for your DC? Even if they do, they shouldn’t be able to take them to another country without your permission.

Hard no. She’s being totally unreasonable, stand firm.

Your partner is being ridiculous , what benefit is there to a 9 month old and 2 yr old visiting India , they won’t remember it and it’s basically just so they can be shown off to friends . Stick to your guns on this one .

YANBU

No way would I give permission for the kids to be taken to a country I couldn't enter. as you say, what if one of them (her or one of the kids) ends up in hospital. Meeting up with old uni friends in a foreign country your partner can't enter is 100% unnecessary & 100% NOT happening in my world.

Firm no from me. My DH wouldn't get a visa either (same reasons) so it's absolutely off the cards for us...shame but no way would I risk anything happening to me or his babies in a country he likely wouldn't be able to enter.
(Plus I've been and it's as pram friendly as you'd imagine...just a consideration esp if she's on her own)

YANBU, your partner on the other hand, is being VVU

There are several threads on TA about UK citizens of Pakistani descent who have recently got Indian visas. My parents (white British, widely travelled but not to PK) had a bizarre experience applying for their visas- my Dad got his quickly online, and my mum had a horrible experience, needing an expensive trip to the Indian consulate/visa centre in Hounslow. No reason why.

What's in it for the 9 month old and the 2 year old? Taking them to India without you makes no sense when she has no family ties to India herself. Do the uni friends have little kids?

I would just say no. It makes no sense at all.

So are you taking kids or leaving kids and going with your friend? Im confused.

Fucking hell it's hard enough getting to the local library with a two year old and a baby, let alone India! Why do you even need to do this holiday at all? Are you doing it to keep her happy or do you genuinely want to go to Asia with small children? She isn't acting like a parent here.

its fucking insane to visit India with a 9 month old unless there is a family connection/reason to go. The risk of severe d&v is extremely high.

Well she can’t legally take the children without your permission and you can’t legally go so not really a choice here. She needs to accept the situation, maybe send her some news articles or something to show getting a visa will be tough