AIBU to say no to a trip I can’t get a visa for?

[PeppyBrickQuoter]

We are planning a few city breaks in different countries within the same holiday period, however DP has mentioned going to a country I’m unable to easily get a visa for so I wouldn’t be able to follow them and would have to come back home. AIBU to say no, that I want her to only consider countries we can both visit with the kids. If it were just her I wouldn’t mind but I would feel a lot of anxiety being away from the kids. LO would be 9 months and our eldest would be 2.

I am on two threads about people wanting to drag their unwilling partners to India! Is it something in the air? 😀

I think the whole premise of the trip is pretty ambitious for the age of the kids anyway but the India excursion is bonkers. She wants a jolly with uni mates, is it really sensible to then take two tiny people with her who will be incredibly hard work.

i said it on the other thread but as a young traveller, India was a mega culture shock. Wonderful but overwhelming. I got very ill as well. You can see I lost around 2 stone in pictures of me and I was there for less than a month. I’m pretty sure I also has anti malaria tablets and a host of injections when I went. It’s really selfish to take small children on that sort of trip unless you’re visiting family or have a proper connection.

She sounds delusional. Just tell her No- you won’t be putting yourself through a bunch of nonsense. Tell her to enjoy the trip on her own.

Say no. Of course!

You're absolutely not being unreasonable at all!! Is she normally this flakey? These babies are far too young for that.

If anyone if them was ill, which is extremely common with India, you wouldn't even be allowed in to be with them.

I wouldn't countenance this for a second. She can go herself or meet the friends elsewhere.

This.
And now she's sulking?!
Red flags, OP.

If it were me, I would absolutely refuse this because if anything should happen to my partner or children I would not want them in a country I can't easily get access to!

Does your partner have any experience of travelling on her own with young children? Has she thought about planning sightseeing trips around the baby's routine, and how she'll feel if that long-planned trip to some major destination has to be cancelled because one of the children is unwell? Or about the fact that she won't be able to have cosy evenings out with her friends as the children will need early nights? Or about other meet-ups being constantly interrupted by feeds, nappy changes or just trying to soothe a hot and grumpy baby?

Is the children's father in the picture at all? Do you have to get his permission to take the children away?

She needs to grow up. She's acting like you can just drop everything, and why on earth does she want to visit a country she knows full well you won't be allowed to enter? She's being incredibly selfish.

I would say that you would like to visit India with your DP when the children are older and can enjoy it as well.

I can imagine getting caught up in planning the trip and seeing how close you get to visiting old friends when it's usually impossible. If she really wants to visit, let her travel alone, make sure you and your children are set up at a comfortable location for the few days she takes or offer to try and do the trip in a few years time.

I'd imagine once the realities of the travel start she may change her mind. Unfortunately a lot can change in 6 months.

maybe start chucking some more family friendly easier destinations up as an option?? If it has to be far flung the. Japan, Thailand, even New Zealand are going to be better with small children - if you can bear the long flights that is!
We did longhaul with babies/toddlers ONLY to see close family who live there otherwise we’d have stuck to easier UK and European options til they were the age where we didn’t need buggies/car seats/equipment and the like.
We have one pic at an airport of our luggage on 2 trolleys for a family 3 week visit with 2 under 3 and it looks like we’re getting ready to invade a small country

If she was a man, everyone would be saying that this is a huge red flag. Say no. How would you go and get them if there was trouble or an issue? Your partner is being selfish and weirdly so.

Then you need to be very clear that the trip isn’t happening as DP envisages.

I used to have a S African passport and was banned/prohibited from many countries as a result. My DP (now DH) accepted that we would not be able to visit them (Egypt for example).

This should have alarm bells ringing for you.
You are the mother and parent here.
She doesn't get to take your baby away from you for a holiday.
Positively batshit and sinister to me.
Now she's sulking?
Unbelievable.

No fucking way would I allow my children that young to be without me on a holiday.

its a crazy situation op, no caring partner would push this like she’s doing

If you have Pakistani heritage you really will struggle to get a visa for India . We have just cancelled a holiday because my friend has Pakistani parents and despite being British and orn here was told by the Indian Embassy that she would not get a visa to visit India . She does have a Pakistani id card because when her father died she had to sort some things out in Pakistan so found it easier with an id card. This disqualified her from being able to visit India

You have a selfish partner op. She’s not understanding dc is she! They are way too young for India and I’d not do long haul either! They just want a bit of sea and sand at that age. Your partner obviously doesn’t get dc. Are they hers?

Well aren't you lovely.