Neighbour and my child’s autistic meltdowns

[acaciafinch]

I am growing quite concerned about my neighbours due to my child’s meltdowns especially with summer coming and people being out in their garden more and windows being open.
My dd is prone to meltdowns after school and has always done this but it’s got worse recently recently they have taken on a more colourful tone where she will continuously shout and scream swear words at the top of her voice and absolutely nothing will stop her.

I was already concerned about her meltdowns upsetting neighbours in the summer but now I imagine the neighbours will soon be complaining about the language to the housing association and our family being evicted.

There has not been any complaints to my knowledge yet but with summer approaching I am worried.

I cannot stop these meltdowns or the language and I know the neighbours have a right to live in peace and relax in their garden or have visitors in the garden without having to hear her.
I don’t want to be evicted either because then she’ll still have the disability but we’ll be homeless too and we have other children but It feels like it’s going to be inevitable.
Our back garden backs onto another road and so it’s not just immediate neighbours it’s the whole area and so people are bound to make complains hearing screaming and swearing regularly, she repeats fuck over and over with every breath until she comes out of the meltdown which can be 15-30 minutes several times a day.

I understand and agree 100% with what you’re saying about the equality act and discrimination etc when it comes to eviction.
However, the equality act does not remove the OP’s neighbours’ right to live in peace - a right we all have. I say this a parent of a child with autism. We have to find compromises that work for BOTH parties. We can’t just say oh well my child has Autism therefore she/he can make all the noise they want.
One thing I’ve realised more & more whilst parenting my 11yr old autistic daughter, is that there are both meltdowns AND tantrums. The two are not the same and whilst meltdowns absolutely should not be punished (of course not), tantrums absolutely should be, like with any other child. Autistic children can still have tantrums.

@Graygoose3 Couldn't agree more. Finding what set my daughter off took a while. I believed she went from perfectly happy to raging ball of fury physically kicking and screaming in a matter of seconds! But we were recommended to an organisation called FISS (that no longer exists due to budget cuts) that literally saved my sanity. They taught me to spot those tiny but really significant changes. Too much noise, too many smells, too much happening, hangry! Even now at 25+ she still has to pause and realise she might be hungry and that's what's wrong. I've just come off a FaceTime with her where she literally said I don't feel well, then oh, I wonder if I'm hungry.

During her junior years I used to carry a belt hole maker in my handbag. When stressed she liked tightness so her shoes would be pulled tighter or her belt etc, all signs that she was starting to overload.

It is possible to change this OP but it does take time. I think you're right to worry about your neighbours but if you go round (after a particularly bad outburst) with a bottle of wine or a bar of chocolate and explain you are working on it most people would forgive.

I suppose it's helpful to have the paper trail. DS has had three CAMHS assessments so far.

I wonder if it's possible your daughter has Tourette's alongside of the Autism? I know often the two can run together (but not always). Some of the behaviours you describe sound like tics, and the swearing.

I'd never heard of Tourette's until the mid-90's when I dated someone who's Mum had the condition. I was the only woman he'd ever taken home, as he found his Mum's condition hard to deal with and embarrassing. His Mum would swear uncontrollably, and the more she tried to control it, the worse it became.

What you have described wouldn't unduly bother me as a neighbour. However, if I didn't understand what was happening, I would have concerns for the welfare of your child if hearing that several times a day. I would call authorities about a child who is frequent distressed and swearing and sounds quite young. Best to make sure the neighbours are aware.