AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

[Cherryred2]

AIBU to think that some people are so unaffected by the COL and to find it strange. A woman at work is just living a life that seems so alien to me and the others. She is just back from a weekend in London (not for any reason), went to a show, had dinners, shopping spree etc. last year bought a new house and a new car!! Is doing a Disney Paris and Paris holiday this summer! Is going on another trip to Budapest with her sister,spa weekend with her mum and sister, a few days to Rome with her DS because “he loves history and would love to see the colleseum and is thinking of where to go with her dd because she has to make it fair. I asked her if she had plans this weekend and they were out for dinner Friday night and Saturday night for two different celebrations. I’m constantly thinking WTF! The crazy thing is we earn the same which is approximately 50k, I mentioned a credit card last year and she said “oh no I don’t do credit cards, never had one, I hate them, I’m so fearful of debt, mortgage is my only debt and I overpay on that!” I’m baffled!

I think the question should be “what do I have to do to live such a lavish lifestyle?”. But in all seriousness, it’s really none of your business. Personally, I earn a little less than that, but am going on 4 overseas holidays this year. The reason for it is that I’m in my 40’s, I have no children, I spend very little on everything else as I love to travel and I save really hard. I have also had the “luxury” of losing a beloved relative who died suddenly leaving me a significant amount of money which has cleared my mortgage. Who’s to say what the truth is, but unless you ask, you’ll never know and even then, that may not be the whole truth!

Why do you care though? I can’t say I’ve ever given someone else’s money a single thought. I’ve got loads of friends with wildly different means. I take it all at face value and get on with my life.

This and someone else’s assumption that she’s a drug dealer is as dangerous as it is stupid. Not everyone who is fortunate or smart when it comes to finances is involved in illicit activities. It’s far more likely that this person invested well, inherited from a distant relative, is living beyond their means and lying about it or is simply a thrifty person in other areas of her life.

Posts like the original post are the reason why I keep my finances completely private. Whilst not a high flyer by anyone’s standards there is always someone ready to be jealous and begrudge you for what you worked hard to achieve.

AFAIK it is fairly rare, but one of my old chums always seemed to be much better off than the rest of us.

He was eventually sacked for embezellement.

We do similar type holidays. Lots of mini breaks, which can be done quite cheaply. It’s not like she’s going all inclusive to long haul destinations. And a couple of meals out aren’t a ridiculous expense. I earn a lot less than£50k. Depends what you spend while you’re away or what dishes you pick while out, surely?

why on earth would you jump straight to this when there is literally no evidence for it, and lots against? People have given loads of alternative explanations for why she might have more disposable income than OP.

Given OP was talking about using credit cards herself (in a completely different conversation, so not even linked at all to a potential 'boast' about what she'd been spending money on recently) there would be literally no reason to lie - OP wasn't in a position to judge her, or she could have just said nothing/changed the subject. It would be utterly bizarre of her to make up a random lie that not only does she not use credit but she's scared of debt, for what?

It gives more of an insight into your personality than anything else if you assume that someone's first instinct, in a general conversation with a colleague, would be to lie, despite there being no benefit to doing so!

Generally I think people only see what others spend money on, and not what they don't. Also how minor changes/differences in circumstances can affect people's lifestyles - someone doing the exact same degree as you in the exact same uni just 1 year before could be the difference between no student debt and £15,000, or £15,000 and £50,000. Buying vs renting identical houses could be a difference of hundreds of pounds a month, as could buying just 1 year before a boom/interest change. Same with grandparents helping out with childcare, etc. Those 2 days a week in nursery might not sound like a huge difference but £200 x week x 52 weeks is over ten grant a year = enough for multiple holidays!

Something will be funding it and you never know how people really live.

An ex friend travels first class, swings about like she's loaded if you don't look too close. Whilst she earns a good salary, she rents a small apartment, is constantly trying to find others to fund her, wears cheap clothing and lives in debt. Someone else I know is constantly on holiday despite being in poorly paid, irregular work but she gets money off her DF, lives in debt and in a HMO.

I've always played a long game by buying a home and I've had to do it all alone which is really expensive.

I had something similar. DH definitely not on a high wage. She was actually fiddling an account - paying to herself.

Not saying this is the case with your colleague, but it does happen.

im sure people wonder this about me, not that my lifestyle is lavish BUT I do go on quite a few holidays a year with the fam but truth is I shop around hugely, often get a holiday for a least 1k cheaper than you’d think (I always book last minute)

I buy some designer bits and mid tier clothes brands (arket, dutti, boden etc) but I buy them in the sales or sometimes second hand

so what I mean is they could be very very thrifty and good at making money stretch

We both have a sense of humour 😀

While I know very little about my friends' or colleagues' financial situations, it's pretty usual to have a ball park idea. I know my friend's DH is high up in pharma.

The life she leads is congruent with their combined salary.

One of my other friends is a TA - clearly her husband's salary enables them to lead the life they do. That's hardly baffling.

My salary is probably higher than many of my peers but because I am single income household it's all on me. Again, hardly baffling.

Escort

I earn about 12k more than that and have a lovely lifestyle. Dh earns similar. We have one teen. But we moved from London to a much cheaper (though nicer) area so we’re mortgage free at 37. Life is for living and I love holidays, theatre and concerts. Very little debt (hotel in currently at would only accept cc so that’s a little bit). Perhaps she’s in the same position.

Yes, the most obvious explanation here is her DHs wage.

Because even if he's only on NMW, 40 hours a week at that would give them a 75k household income. You can actually have a lot of treats on that if you don't have a big mortgage or childcare costs. Maybe OPs wage covers the essentials and day to day spending with his for holidays and treats.

Inherited wealth?

Inheritance doesn’t only come from parents? The hefty deposit for my property came from my Grandparents. Or her partner earns a lot? Or it’s none of your business?

My friend once told us all how she’d never ever have savings, own a house or do anything other than scraps by because her and her daughter will always live life to the max. My other friends launched at her trying to talk her out of her mindset- I said it sounds epic to me! We save then something breaks or our insurance jumps by hundreds or something else takes everything. Your colleague sounds like she’s living!

There could be so many reasons - people’s means can be wildly different.

I learnt this a few years ago. DH and I have both worked hard and earn reasonably well as a result but have had limited family help - more or less everything we have has been the result of our own work. We’ve moved to a fairly expensive but naice area. A few years ago we met a couple round the corner who were planning a renovation. They were a similar age to us and in very similar jobs, so I earnestly recommended our builder and a couple of other tradespeople we’d met, imagining that having spent £1 million+ on the house they’d have stretched themselves a bit financially and would be doing a small renovation on a budget. They graciously took the recommendations without saying anything, bless them.

They’ve subsequently demolished the house and built a huge 6 bed luxury house - borderline mansion, to be honest - in its place. All timber and bespoke brickwork - there’s absolutely no way it cost less than a million to build. The builder they used only accepts jobs with a build cost of over £500,000.

In their case it’s family money. Her parents have given her a couple of mill now so that she can use it now to build an appreciating asset and doesn’t have to pay inheritance tax when they die. But the point is is that people have wildly different means and their jobs may not be their only source of income.

Maybe she has a trust fund, maybe she has a wealthy spouse?

Obviously got money already.

She obviously receives more money than just her salary.

Unless you know her exact circumstances it’s impossible to say, what some people deem expensive might not be to anyone else. My husband earns £££ compared to me and our lifestyle hasn’t changed, we’ve also sold a property and had some inheritance but I would never discuss these things at work as they are personal.

FFS if you're so nosey why don't you just ask her?

There are any number of reasons why she's much wealthier than you.

Is she older? We have no debt or mortgage i only work 10 hours a week and husband retired.we order food all the time go on holiday once a year. I eat out twice a week at weekend and go on trips and holidays with my daughter 3 to 4 times a year. We have great savings. It happens that way as you age

10 years ago, DPs grandad died. This enabled us to pay off our mortgage. 3 years later, my Mum died, which let us buy a new house outright and rent out our old one.

In the space of 3 years, I went from saving almost nothing every month to being able to put nearly a grand away every year. We're not quite there these days (DD in uni), but I'm still saving 300 quid most months.

In some ways, we're really lucky. If rather still have my Mum though