AIBU to be baffled by colleague on same wage living lavishly?

[Cherryred2]

AIBU to think that some people are so unaffected by the COL and to find it strange. A woman at work is just living a life that seems so alien to me and the others. She is just back from a weekend in London (not for any reason), went to a show, had dinners, shopping spree etc. last year bought a new house and a new car!! Is doing a Disney Paris and Paris holiday this summer! Is going on another trip to Budapest with her sister,spa weekend with her mum and sister, a few days to Rome with her DS because “he loves history and would love to see the colleseum and is thinking of where to go with her dd because she has to make it fair. I asked her if she had plans this weekend and they were out for dinner Friday night and Saturday night for two different celebrations. I’m constantly thinking WTF! The crazy thing is we earn the same which is approximately 50k, I mentioned a credit card last year and she said “oh no I don’t do credit cards, never had one, I hate them, I’m so fearful of debt, mortgage is my only debt and I overpay on that!” I’m baffled!

I get you OP. Had exactly the same thoughts about someone I worked with many years ago.

We had the exact same job, started on the same day, same salary (around £12k IIRC, it was late 1990s and we were admin for an insurance company). Both lived with parents (me), just DM (her). Yet she’d go shopping in the city every week and buy things from the likes of French Connection, designer stuff at House of Fraser, expensive makeup like Clinique/MAC etc. Her shoes were Patrick Cox Wannabees.

Never understood (still don’t) how she did it. I was buying from New Look/Mark One and makeup was from Boots. Her BF earned more than mine at the time but she was always adamant that she paid for everything with her own money.

Only conclusion is she was lying and BF paid for it.

See I earn £50k and my husband is on minimum wage and we have done all these things- Rome we actually won the plane tickets in a raffle but they aren't that expensive. The London shows- I make good use of ticket lotteries, or book early and choose the cheap seats which are front but off to the side and labelled as partially restricted. If we go out for dinner its usually just a pub lunch or a wagamamas or something as I don't like to feel I've wasted money. But I don't stress about it at all.I feel like we earn enough to be comfortable enough- we have a house in a not so fancy area. The kids can do any clubs they want and we don't stress about the cost.

So, she has a husband? Hubby probably earns, therefore your income will be significantly different. She might also have some inheritance. Who knows! Either way, you do not have the same financial situations, therefore this is unfair.

People prioritise different things. Early in my life we used to live frugally on DH’s salary & I invested mine. Then when DC were born the amount I invested monthly went to childcare / school fees and the extra salary I earned went into investments. When my investments grew enough I began to save towards holidays. I also prioritised working f/t after babies.

Aw come on, we're all dying to know now! 🤣

I’m in a job that’s not highly paid, what my colleagues don’t know is that because I invested in my sons company I get 70k in dividends yearly with it due to go up every year from now. You never peoples real circumstances. I certainly don’t tell everyone my business.

This
everyone I know who lives lavishly is in debt

If I earned 50k I would live fairly lavishly, but I have a cheap mortgage and nothing else to spend money on. Plus a partner, so household income overall obviously higher than just the 50k.

Other half well paid? Grandparents inheritance/trust. Drug dealer side hustle?

I would guess at either a very well paid DH, inheritance from grandparents or parents that pay for a lot.

I have known of so many parents pay for big holidays or weekends away (mine have never paid for Disney or anything like that but have definitely paid a large chunk of UK holiday accommodation). She/they may have inherited or been gifted from their own grandparents. You just don't know people circumstances.

I have a friend and her hubby live in a small house with 2 kids. Both on low wages ( under £30k) .Id you see on social media: They have had a couple of big long haul holidays in the last couple of yearsq, they seem to be out and about a lot spending money. The truth is her parents are well off and generous. They help pay bills and they paid for the long haul holidays. They also put a lot on credit card.

People have stuff going on you don’t know about. inheritance, parental generosity, credit cards, savings, jobs on the side. Just because people deny they have credit doesn’t mean they don’t have it. No one knew i was in debt to a few grand when i was young, i never missed payments and paid every penny back but no one knew.

Side hustle, getting her feet or other body parts out online?

But OP isn’t describing a lavish lifestyle, just one that would not be affordable on 50K, and since this is the single thing we know about their life concluding they are in debt is ridiculous.

I find it quite strange you know so much about their financial situation. I think I’m maybe old fashioned in this though.

I earn half that as a single parent and can still afford holidays, days to London etc. What enables me to do that is a low mortgage, having been old enough to take out a mortgage at a time when houses were cheap.
If I earned £50k I would have an amazing amount of spare money. It's all circumstantial.

We have a very lovely life, but my parents will regularly treat me to expensive clothes, our holidays are to family homes so we don't pay for accommodation, my in laws are incredibly generous, I never pay full price so whilst I'm wearing designer clothes they're all purchased in sale or outlets. I also wear Primark and Zara dupes so I'm sure some people assume they're real based off other clothes I wear. And as a result someone looking at my life from the outside would assume we're living beyond our means. Which isn't wrong because we could afford the life we live and wouldn't be living it without our families.

I always find it fascinating how strong and sometimes boundless the sense of entitlement can be among countless Mumsnet users when it comes to other people’s money. Instead of focusing on building their own wealth, they fixate on others’ and criticize them, rather than working to improve their own lives.

OP, I feel a bit bad for this person having to deal with you. Maybe focus on building your own wealth instead of worrying about others. Feeling a little spiteful, if I were in their shoes, I’d wonder why she’s criticizing me when she can’t manage money to save her life. I’d suggest checking out AI for tips on improving finances, even just a little.

Name changed as outing.

I think some colleagues think this of me. I have a high-earning DH with a luxury company car - which as he mostly wfh, I often drive to work and have the best vehicle in the multi-storey car park.

However, as well as earning well, we are modest in our everyday life. Our second car is a 12yr modest brand which was bought 2nd hand outright and will be driven until it breaks. We buy clothes to last, but very few of them. DS‘ toys and clothes are often second hand - the advantage of quality stuff is it outlasts several small children. We then sell this on, and I have a pot of money on the second hand sites to invest in more stuff. I‘m also good at combining special offers.

We both have an invest first mentality and are now at a stage where this is paying off. Mortgage was paid off very early because we overpaid as much as we could. We paid off a second mortgage so a family member had a place she could rent cheaply from us. She trashed the place just as rents skyrocketed (hers was never raised). As the house was paid off, it’s now let to another family who essentially fund our holidays and own house repairs.

We don’t try to keep up with the Joneses.We do have our own priorities, though. Days out, food out and travel. Weekend football masterclass for DS. Replacing broken appliances without thinking about it.

You do have to have a certain level of wealth to do this, though.

My carer gets carer's allowance topped up with universal credit. He has managed a few trips to Japan.

To do this he never turns his heating on, and I mean never. He doesn't go out or do anything like a trip to the theatre / cinema unless he us accompanying me and gets a carer's ticket.

He splits his money up whenever it arrives, his "shopping fund" is £20 per week.

He does not have a conventional oven / cooker, he uses a microwave or air fryer.

He rarely buys clothes, lest time it was a pack of socks to go to Japan.

When he is there he stays in hostels and eats in burger places.

Before he goes he organises things with me. Multiple bottom sheets on my bed so I can just pull them off, multiple duvets and pillows I can throw on the bed. Organising meals on wheels. Checking the pharmacy has my prescriptions.

To an outsider he looks like someone who can afford a long haul holiday, no one sees what he sacrifices.

i worked with someone years ago who was so flash. but a secretary. she had chanel scarves, a speedboat, a house in greece somewhere. turns out she nicked £1million from her boss, went to prison and then they made the story into a drama for the tv with meera syal playing her. your post just reminded me of her.

Think that’s impossible to know. You don’t know re her family, partner salary, children (if no children massively different spending ability/habits), bought property years ago so v low mortgage, still on a 1% mortgage, side hustle, etc. So many factors.

You can inherit from anyone - as could her husband - grandparents, maiden aunts etc. I suspect her DH earns a lot more than yours. As others say - nothing baffling here at all.

High earning partner? Help from family? Different life choices?

I know someone who was living like this. She worked very part time and her partner had a very bog standard job probably not even earning the average wage. He is now in prison for running a huge drug operation, and she has also had a short prison stint last year for her part in it all.

I'm basically this woman. I earn only 32k. Husband 48k. But I have inheritance from distant relatives totalling 500k
I've no mortgage and don't drink or smoke.

You really don't know her situation.