AIBU to expect DH to take DD to the party?

[Mrsmissunderstood]

DD has a party today DH said he wasn’t going from the moment we got the invite about a month ago. I’ve been ill for a week with a sinus infection so the house is a mess tons of washing not been done and no food shopping. DH wet his bed last night so his mattress needed cleaning. So i said to DH this morning you take DD and I will just stay here and sort the house out. He said he didn’t want to go and sit with a bunch of women.

So I said ok you stay here and clean I will go to the party that was also a flat out no. So I said fine you go the party then since you don’t want to help out here.

I gave DD a shower and got her dressed and it was about 10 minutes until the party started. He comes up stairs hanging about telling me that I’m going to be late. He can quite clearly see me in my pyjamas running about cleaning and helping DD get ready.

We went back and fourth for about 20 minutes poor DD in tears and him refusing to take her. He got in a strop and eventually took her.

AIBU?

If they are married and living in the property then it's the marital home and a joint asset regardless of who's name is on the deeds. An exception would be if there is a separate agreement legally and specifically ring fencing the house for the op in only but this isn't the default. Op cannot legally terf him our of the marital home until they divorce.

So take the kids and go and stay elsewhere.

You CANNOT subject the children to this. He is an absolute TWAT.

Stay with family and if needs be change the kids school. Rent somewhere else with you and the kids.

It is not immediately a marital asset. There are many circumstances to decide whether it is or not, OP said he didn't want to rent not he can't afford to rent. He may earn significantly more than OP and doesn't contribute to the house because there is no mortgage to pay - one such circumstance.

He's abusive, at least emotionally, to their child. @Mrsmissunderstood is most likely to have full custody and require to house the children full time, in the house she owns.

It's her house.

If its your house, just change the locks on him.

🤣🤣🤣

They're married. It's THEIR house. All assets are 50/50 unless agreed otherwise at the point of divorce.

If he is being an arsehole and won't move out then @Mrsmissunderstood either needs to continue subjecting the children to this hostile behaviour or move herself with the kids.

It's about deciding what is more important.

They are not the only options. She's divorcing him anyway and when the financial settlement is sorted, she may be able to buy him out. The settlement will depend on their ages, earning capacity, length of relationship, children, and disabilities or vulnerabilities, pre nups etc. and will take into account all of their assets.

Obviously...

But we're not talking about that. We are talking about NOW. Children living in a hostile environment.

The divorce might take months to go through, so if this twat isn't willing to move out for the sake of the kids having a calmer life, then the OP should consider moving out herself. This will not affect her position when it comes to dividing assets. The court will order him to move out eventually.

Generally, houses that a married couple live in is considered the marital home especially for fairly long marriage which this seems to be. She can't throw him out of the marital home. If she had kept the house separate from their marriage, it was bought before they were together, they never lived there and he never contributed towards it's upkeep then there would be more of a case.

As you say the op may be able to keep the house but this will most likely be off set against any other shared assets, pensions etc. if the house is the only or main shared assets then it is likely to be split. Yes op may get more if she has the kids more but this would be the case regardless of who's name was on the house. If it was solely the husbands it would be the same, with more going to op.

So you really got a stroppy teenage, entitled arse as a husband?! Maybe he should have a look how much staff would cost to support you as he doesn't pull the finger out. It's unbelievable that in 2026 anyone would think that behaviour like this is acceptable. Maybe it's time to rethink the workings and roles of you marriage. Yoo are his wife not his servant. And if he behaves like this in this situation, then he must be generally someone who is stuck in 1947. Put your foot down and show him that you are not his staff. My husband would be out on his backside if he'd try behaving like this. You know, treating you like this is awful but teaching your daughter that this is how men behave and obviously that her father doesn't give a toss about his little girl and her feelings.

He sounds mean, petty and abusive. Your poor dd. You both deserve much better.

What do you want to do?

where is he sleeping? Don’t let him in your bedroom.

Sorry but he's a complete waste of oxygen. Change the locks while he's at work and dump his stuff on the front garden, if he refuses to leave willingly. The kiddos party is the least of your worries.

You mean he is exposing them. Not the OP. The internalised mysogny on mumsnet is astounding sometimes.

Definitely not unreasonable and you know that too. Glad to see you are divorcing that man child. Hopefully he is out soon, it will probably be much easier doing it yourself once he is gone if he is like that.

If your house and you paid for mortgage /dh paid nothing - then you can kick out

same as I did 2yrs ago as dh is an alcoholic and I had enough

Im not an expert in this area, but surely if you own the house and he won’t leave you can call the police?

You know you're not being unreasonable.

Let him clean the mattress he pissed on. I wouldn't do it.

What does this man add to your life?

It was the DS who wet the bed.

Might have been helpful to include this info in your OP.

@Mrsmissunderstood
Awful just awful.
Please leave this man.
Your poor children.

Doesnt want to sit round with a load of women at a party that he daughter wasnt invited to?! Poor soul

For context, my DP is not the father of my children but does a damb sight more than most dads i read about on here. He would offer to take one of the girls to a party, he has made an effort to talk to the parents and their children.

He does this out of effort and love for my daughters not even out of obligation. Your husband cant even do that.

Set your bar higher

P.s he does jobs round the house too

edited to add wow could have done with the divorce info in OP 😂😂😂

YANBU to expect this from a reasonable man, but I think YABU to expect him to pull any weight if you are actively divorcing him and he is refusing to move out. I assume you are divorcing him because he is a useless dick and I think he will become even more useless and dickish as the divorce proceeds

He should have thought about that before being a dickhead of a husband all this time.
You're well rid, well done.

I’m pretty sure there’s plenty you can do about that.