AIBU to expect DH to take DD to the party?

[Mrsmissunderstood]

DD has a party today DH said he wasn’t going from the moment we got the invite about a month ago. I’ve been ill for a week with a sinus infection so the house is a mess tons of washing not been done and no food shopping. DH wet his bed last night so his mattress needed cleaning. So i said to DH this morning you take DD and I will just stay here and sort the house out. He said he didn’t want to go and sit with a bunch of women.

So I said ok you stay here and clean I will go to the party that was also a flat out no. So I said fine you go the party then since you don’t want to help out here.

I gave DD a shower and got her dressed and it was about 10 minutes until the party started. He comes up stairs hanging about telling me that I’m going to be late. He can quite clearly see me in my pyjamas running about cleaning and helping DD get ready.

We went back and fourth for about 20 minutes poor DD in tears and him refusing to take her. He got in a strop and eventually took her.

AIBU?

He’s a total arsehole

Kick him out and protect your kids mental health.

Shouldn’t have been such a dickhead then should he. He’s in the wrong in this situation and you deserve much better op

He doesn’t think it’s fair that I get to keep my life the same and he has to start all over again.

Diddums.

Married =joint home surely?
But there are ways and means to make home life less pleasurable.. No laundry or cooking services.
What is bank account situation?
Morgage situation?

You need to get him out, even if costs you some money in legal advice to do so. If it's your house, find out what you can legally do and if you have to give him notice, etc ... maybe you can just change the locks and bat his crap up.

It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It’s your home. He needs to leave and you need to do everything you can do to get him out. It doesn’t matter what he wants.

Have you had legal advice? Even free advice?

This environment is so unhealthy for your poor child. And for you.

YANBU- he should have taken her (or the alternative of staying and doing chores that needed doing- even in the unlikely event they were your “share” of the household chores).

I think the with regards to your divorce/cohabitation until that comes through, the issue is that as you are married the house is a shared marital asset- so unless you have a pre-existing legal arrangement stating otherwise, he is entitled to live there and has a financial interest in it (with the exception of cases of abuse). And assuming it has not been a very short marriage, even if you do have an agreement it depends on the nature of that agreement as to how the courts will view it when it comes to a divorce settlement.

Of course you're not being unreasonable, but this behaviour is presumably part of the reason you're divorcing him. Deep breaths. You'll be amazed at the giant weight that will lift off your shoulders once he finally moves out. It's hard now, but you just have to make it to the final divorce stage, then you'll be able to start over. (Accept that if he's a useless wanker now, he's not going to turn into a wonderful dad later, and he will probably continue to punish you for having the temerity to divorce him. You'll continue to be both parents - which is even more grating if he acts like a Disney dad or pretends to be delightful around other parents but is a shit to you in private - but it will be much easier to do this when you only have to worry about parenting your actual child, not a man child as well.)

Point out to him that your life will also be changing as you won’t have to parent a grown man, listen to his irrational ramblings, watch him upsetting your children, clear up his mess.

In many ways your life will be changing in far more ways than his, as I doubt if divorce will give him the impetus to clean up his life, take responsibility for his own actions, start parenting etc. I am willing to bet he will move back in with his mother - who bears a great deal of the responsibility for his lack of understanding about what being an equal partner and a good parent means - and simply carry on with his life as SlobMan.

You need better legal advice. He has to be forced to fuck off.

Have you contacted Women's aid?
This is abuse of you and your child.
Keep careful notes.

If you're married, it's not YOUR house. We'll done for divorcing him.

Just change the locks and call the police.ice if he kicks off. FFS this is ridiculous. Sorry I'm angry on your behalf.

If he has paid towards a mortgage and/or house upkeep, it's not just your house, regardless of whose name is on the deeds.

How old is DD? After 6 most parties are drop and, couldn't he have done that if didn't want to stay?

Your husband wet his bed?

Didn't you say it was YOUR house?

They're married...

Do you mean it was solely your house before you married then he moved in later? Does he have nowhere else to go like his parents, a friend's place? Anyway, as a married couple and if he has no alternatives I don't think you can just change the locks and say off you trot. How long have you been together?
As for his lazy approach to parenting I presume that means he won't want 50/50 after the divorce which may suit you.

@Mrsmissunderstood

I know you've filed for divorce, but did you speak with a solicitor first? I know that houses owned before marriage can get complicated when it comes to what is 'marital property' and what is not.

If you've spoken to a Sol, what did they tell you about making him leave? If they say it's possible, even if it's costly maybe you should consider it. If you haven't spoken to a Sol about 'it, you should. Even if you find out there's nothing you can do, at least you'll know for sure.

As youre separated but living together I'd have put the dd first and taken her. To have her in tears was predictable and avoidable.

Get rid of him yes but don't fight infront of your poor kids.

You say DH wet the bed? If your adult husband has wet the bed the he presumably has a medical condition/disability and perhaps finds things that most of us find easy extremely difficult. If so, maybe he really is struggling? If not, he needs to see the doctor-wetting the bed needs investigating.
I don't think it's right that a man should feel uncomfortable taking his child to a party because there's "a load of women" there, as it shouldn't matter-parents are parents regardless of gender/race/religion etc, but it is a sad but true fact that some women act like men shouldn't be allowed at places (and sometimes this happens the other way around-a snooty man told my mum she shouldn't be in a working man's club in the 90s-she replied ok I'm not a man, but at least I work, so if only working men are allowed, you should get out too!).

Does your DH ever strip and sort wet beds?
I bet not.

So you're in the process of a divorce? That kind of changes things. She's still his daughter but some people find these things difficult and if he doesn't want the divorce then he's probably going to be an arse. Not saying he's right but I think this is a bit of a drip feed!

It's still unreasonable for him to expect you to do the cleaning and take the child to the party.

How do you know it's not her house? You realise women can own houses before getting married.

@Mrsmissunderstood Good luck. Hope you get rid of this miserable bastard. He is emotionally abusing your daughter.