AIBU to take maternity leave as planned?

[ApricotsAndCream]

TL;DR: should I agree to delay starting maternity leave so that my office has more time to hire cover

I’m pregnant with my first baby after years of fertility problems. The first trimester was rough, physically and emotionally. I’m better now but booked my maternity leave to start quite early. I want time to nest and ensure my physical/emotional health are as good as possible for birth and the newborn stage. Also, it’s frivolous but this might be my only successful pregnancy I want some time to enjoy it.

DH and I always intended that I would be a SAHM for at least a few years so I don’t plan on returning to this job after maternity leave.

I work at a small branch (less than 6 staff, mostly part-time) of a national charity. It’s a ‘mission over money’ kind of workplace i.e. the actual pay is peanuts but you hopefully earn good karma. This does make hiring a nightmare.

Due to miscommunications between me, my line manager and the centralised HR team (and some waffling by my line manager), the maternity cover posting has been placed 1 month before my maternity leave is due to start. Interviews are scheduled for a fortnight before I go.

No one in the office has scope/skills to cover my job even temporarily. And, of course, the cover hire would need time to get up to speed. My line manager has asked if I would be willing to push back my maternity leave dates if needed. For example, if a good candidate has a 1-month notice period, could I stay on for two weeks more?

On one hand, I don’t want to put the office team or the charity in a bad position. If they have to hire a subpar candidate just because they’re available sooner I’d feel a bit guilty.

On the other hand, I have been counting down the days to my leave! There’s so much I want to do for myself and the baby and I just don’t have the energy after a day in the office.

My line manager will also take 10 miles if you give an inch.

(Example: a key volunteer wants to step down but said he would wait until a replacement was found. Line manager put finding a replacement right at the bottom of his to-do list because he knew the volunteer was too loyal to just leave.)

I’m very concerned that two weeks would turn into two months. I compromise too easily and I’m a bad negotiator. And, as I said, hiring is a nightmare here. Previous roles have needed several rounds of adverts to find a suitable candidate.

DH advises to be careful agreeing to anything. Maybe offer to stay a few days extra but no more than a week. I was very vague and non-committal when line manager brought this up and haven’t spoken to HR yet.

YANBU: stick to the dates as planned
YABU: offer to stay a bit longer and take one for the team

Staying an extra week seems reasonable.
Offer one week and one day per week for two more weeks.
That is seven days.

I wouldn’t
you told them your plans
they should organise their staffing accordingly

I would agree to stay one week extra but make it a hard deadline. It doesn’t look like you even like the job, it doesn’t pay well and you don’t have plans to return there. It’s your manager’s problem, not yours to hire someone suitable.

Sometimes it’s nice to have very little in terms of work-life balance if the work is exciting and/or pays very well. This one clearly doesn’t and you only have one life, so prioritise yourself.

If they aren't interviewing until 2 weeks before your leave date, and are now worried in case they cant get someone to start, who were they planning to train the new recruit? What happens if you go into labour early or have complications?

Have you included all your holiday?

I wouldn't if you gave them notice. They should have had you training up your replacement well before you leave, even if it was just another member of staff to cover.

@ApricotsAndCream you say you are a bad negotiator, but what is there to negotiate about? Begging you to stay for x more weeks is not negotiations because they want something from you and you don’t want anything from them. It would be a negotiation if they asked you to stay longer and you would say, okay, perhaps I need a 500% pay rise…

I'd maybe offer 1 or 2 days a week if feeling generous

Stick to your leave date. You are more important than your job. You're not planning to go back. This is their problem and not yours.
Think of it this way - what difference is it going to make to them if you're there one extra week? What they really want / need is for you to be there until the new person is due to start and that could be 4-6 weeks after the interviews. They're highly likely to keep pushing to get you to still be here at that point and the more you agree to, the more you'll probably tell yourself you may as well carry on as you've stayed this long! Before you know it that time you wanted is gone. You also never know if babies decide they're coming early.
You're due to be a mum, time to start putting yourself first whilst you can!

You say you’re worried 2 weeks will become 2 months - how many weeks pregnant will you be at the date you intended to start maternity leave, out of curiosity?

Did you submit your MATB1 (I think that’s what it was called) in the right time frame etc? If you didn’t give enough notice, I’m not actually sure where you stand if they say they want you to work a little longer. If you did and everything has been agreed in writing, you are under no obligation to stay longer. Given you aren’t planning to go back after, I can understand why you are wanting to start mat leave early. But I presume they don’t know that? Have you checked, if they pay maternity pay above statutory amounts, if you need to repay any of it if you don’t return? If they’re expecting you back, they’re probably thinking you would be better starting May leave later to have more time with the baby. If they know you aren’t coming back, I’d just tell them the date is the date and they should have advertised sooner.

No way. This is a unique opportunity, you won't have a chance to have a few months just to focus on yourself for many years to come. You're not going back to this job after maternity leave. They will cope without you.

How far along into your pregnancy are you? I would stay the 2 weeks but be very firm on that. If they try to push it out it would be a hard no.

Absolutely not under these circumstances.

It's not like you'll be back in six months to pick up the pieces of their incompetence either.

(I was signed off at 32 weeks with one and only miracle baby. Born as we went into lockdown in some karmic joke. I'm still glad I had that time to myself.)

The maths alone don’t work.

Interviews scheduled for a fortnight before you go.
Even if they offer the job on the same (single) day of interviews and the candidate accepts that same day, a month’s notice means they don’t walk in until two weeks after your leave has started.

Staying on for two weeks is already more than that, in reality! Manager will want this to be three, to give you a week with new person. A couple of days back and forth at offer stage easily pushes this to a month later than your planned leave date.

It’s a big nope from me. Stick as you are.

And congrats on your baby, enjoy your nesting time!

Put yourself first, make sure you get to enjoy your pregnancy etc. I’d sympathise etc wish I could help blah, blah…

If you’re not going back then it doesn’t matter if you burn bridges, you’ve got nothing to lose and I’d leave on the date you are planning.

As an aside, if you will be paid OMP you will most likely need to repay this, so just something to be cautious of.

Do they know you are not returning?

How early are you starting your mat leave?
I went 5 weeks before my due date, so quite early.

My line manager didn't start recruiting until the last minute despite being given plenty of notice, so he also tried to delay my leave. Except that he didn't ask, he actually tried to decline my start date 🙄HR and myself had to remind him of the law ...
If he had asked nicely I probably would have accepted, but would have regretted it. I was absolutely exhausted, even at 34 weeks, I'm really glad I have that time to rest now.

The compromise we found is that I offered to use my KIT days for remote handover if necessary before the birth. Maybe that's an option for you too.

The person they’re hiring (if they have a 1 month notice) won’t start until the end of the extra two weeks - and that’s if they accept and see a contract immediately - if no one can do what you do, who is going to teach them the role and manage the handover? Seems to me as if they’d extend the time and ask you to stay and give an in person handover.

Personally I’d explain that you can start writing handover notes now and hand over to a colleague who can cover then train the new starter when they do eventually join.

My doula told me this often happens to women going on maternity leave. My cover started two weeks before I went off so we had to run through things at breakneck speed. I told manager at 8 weeks and he didn’t even put out advert until 6 weeks before I was due to go off. Honestly, it’s not your problem. It’s not like they haven’t had fair warning and it’s not your responsibility to sort your cover. I’d set aside time during the week to make detailed notes about all the processes you manage and then you’ve done what is reasonably required of you. It’s also helpful if they get someone in at short notice who isn’t suitable and they need to get someone else. Honestly a couple of weeks into your maternity leave once you have your beautiful new baby you won’t give a toss!

I would say no. I’ve learned that even the nicest, most family like companies don’t care. And they will get by without you - they always do. I wouldn’t sacrifice family or time you have carved out for yourself for them, especially as they screwed up, and they have form for taking advantage, and they may not even fill your position in time and you may have given up two weeks for nothing.

I took maternity leave a month early and it was blissful to have that time to myself and my bump! It all changes once baby is here - it’s so good, but you never truly have time to yourself again, so please make the most of it.

how many weeks will you be when you planned to start your maternity leave?

You sound like you’ve thought this through and need the time off before the birth - personally I wouldn't change my plans even by a week; they will be okay without you, I promise!

And don’t offer to do a day a week either! It is bliss to be able to say goodbye to work and shut the door on it all. Please make the most of your good fortune!

Totally depends on when you’re starting your leave. 37 weeks and they want you to stay til 39 weeks, no.

32 weeks and they want you to stay til 34, sure I would.

Agree with PP

You're not going on maternity leave as such you're leaving to be a SAHM so just give what notice period is in your contract and leave.

No! Don't say yes. This is not your issue to solve. Your role now and for a little while is to care for your forthcoming baby to the best of your ability. Say you cannot delay your maternity leave as for health reasons you need to stop as planned.

They won't be motivated to solve it if you give in.

As the saying goes, poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Your manager's lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on your part (and I say this as a manager of a large team). It's not your problem, it's theirs to resolve.

Leave on the day you have planned. Put yourself first.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐