AIBU to take maternity leave as planned?

[ApricotsAndCream]

TL;DR: should I agree to delay starting maternity leave so that my office has more time to hire cover

I’m pregnant with my first baby after years of fertility problems. The first trimester was rough, physically and emotionally. I’m better now but booked my maternity leave to start quite early. I want time to nest and ensure my physical/emotional health are as good as possible for birth and the newborn stage. Also, it’s frivolous but this might be my only successful pregnancy I want some time to enjoy it.

DH and I always intended that I would be a SAHM for at least a few years so I don’t plan on returning to this job after maternity leave.

I work at a small branch (less than 6 staff, mostly part-time) of a national charity. It’s a ‘mission over money’ kind of workplace i.e. the actual pay is peanuts but you hopefully earn good karma. This does make hiring a nightmare.

Due to miscommunications between me, my line manager and the centralised HR team (and some waffling by my line manager), the maternity cover posting has been placed 1 month before my maternity leave is due to start. Interviews are scheduled for a fortnight before I go.

No one in the office has scope/skills to cover my job even temporarily. And, of course, the cover hire would need time to get up to speed. My line manager has asked if I would be willing to push back my maternity leave dates if needed. For example, if a good candidate has a 1-month notice period, could I stay on for two weeks more?

On one hand, I don’t want to put the office team or the charity in a bad position. If they have to hire a subpar candidate just because they’re available sooner I’d feel a bit guilty.

On the other hand, I have been counting down the days to my leave! There’s so much I want to do for myself and the baby and I just don’t have the energy after a day in the office.

My line manager will also take 10 miles if you give an inch.

(Example: a key volunteer wants to step down but said he would wait until a replacement was found. Line manager put finding a replacement right at the bottom of his to-do list because he knew the volunteer was too loyal to just leave.)

I’m very concerned that two weeks would turn into two months. I compromise too easily and I’m a bad negotiator. And, as I said, hiring is a nightmare here. Previous roles have needed several rounds of adverts to find a suitable candidate.

DH advises to be careful agreeing to anything. Maybe offer to stay a few days extra but no more than a week. I was very vague and non-committal when line manager brought this up and haven’t spoken to HR yet.

YANBU: stick to the dates as planned
YABU: offer to stay a bit longer and take one for the team

No, OP should not give notice to resign at the start of her maternity leave. She should hand her notice in so her last day of employment is the last day of her maternity leave.

She will most likely lose out financially if she is not employed during her maternity leave.

I'm 58. Had my first job at 14 and have been in work through pregnancy, newborn stage, baby stage etc etc.

My advice?
Leave exactly when you want to.
Your pregnancy, your health, your life does not matter a jot to your employers.
They'll find someone else to replace you.
They always do. Always.
No matter how much they whinge about it.

Personally, it’d be a no from me. Even if you stay for a week or two, the days just don’t add up. If they want to ensure a smooth handover, they’d have to look at hiring a temp now who could shadow you, then they could be the one to train up your replacement. If they choose not to do that, that’s on them. You owe them nothing.

If the miscommunication wasn’t your error (and it doesn’t sound like it was) and you truly don’t intend on going back, I’d just say no. Of course it would make their lives easier if you stayed but also, they would find a solution if you didn’t. It’s worth remembering that nobody, from intern to CEO, is indispensable in their job. I’ve made that mistake before and believed that nobody could do the job like I could before I had DC1. Turns out the could - to the degree that when I asked for a small reduction/compression in hours when I returned from mat leave they said no and my maternity cover ended up getting my full time role!!

Nobody is irreplaceable

The company should have written processes & training in place to assist new starters.

It is not your issue

Secondly, employees also have time off work for sickness, holiday, other issues

No don’t change your dates unless it helps you. You’ve given more than enough notice of your mat leave timings.

you could ensure your role is documented well if you have time within your working hours (ie don’t do unpaid overtime). Prep a handover doc and keep everything in as good order as possible (all documents stored well etc)

Honestly? Write detailed notes for the handover and email them to your boss but do not push your ML back. The reason there’s been a miscommunication is that your line manager didn’t make this a priority.

Depends.

If you didn't tell them about the pregnancy until the latest legal time (25 weeks pregnant), then told them you'd be starting mat leave at 29 weeks (earliest date you can start), you have been very unhelpful and I would offer a bit more if you can. However, bear in mind that this is no different to the one month's notice you'd have to give if you were just changing jobs as opposed to pregnant, so if you don't want to do extra weeks I wouldn't feel too bad.

If you told them at 13 weeks and they spent three months doing sweet FA about getting a job advert out, and are now complaining there's not enough time, you are not in any way responsible. Wave goodbye on the date you have already planned and don't look back.

Either way, hand in your resignation for the date your mat leave ends. Include the three months of mat leave when there's no pay, because you continue to accrue annual leave during that time, which they do have to pay you for even if you don't return (usually in a lump sum at the end).

In my experience:

1. people really don't give a flying fuck about your well being when pregnant; and
2. you tend to overestimate how irreplaceable you are (sorry).

I was running a big project and my bosses just wouldn't let me hand over anything. Things were ramping up, I was expected to work 60-70 hours a week when I was 37 weeks pregnant despite the fact I kept telling them I physically couldn't do those long hours at that point. I also had some serious medical issues that required me to go the hospital to get checked every 3/4 days. I was ill, worried, not sleeping, overwhelmed, tired beyond belief.

At the beginning of week 38, my boss started giving me MORE work. I emailed HR and went on mat leave the next day. They were royally fucked but I was so unbelievably ill and tired. And I realized no one was actually appreciating me at all. Business survived, they had a few bumby days but figured it out. When I came back no one even remembered anything about it.

A few days maybe. Anything more than that and they are BU to even ask.

stick to your guns

Necessity is the mother of invention. He will cope without you. You and your baby are more important. Stick to your guns, OP.

As I have seen someone else mention, you need to be aware that if you don’t return to work at all, it’s likely you will need to return your maternity pay. Most companies have a rule that you must go back for at least 6 months for example, or you have to give it back.

"Due to miscommunications between me, my line manager and the centralised HR team (and some waffling by my line manager), the maternity cover posting has been placed 1 month before my maternity leave is due to start. Interviews are scheduled for a fortnight before I go."

@ApricotsAndCream what sort of miscommunication? If you notified them correctly of your intent to take maternity leave, then I would leave on the date you said you would.

If they were not informed correctly, then I would perhaps agree to another two weeks if the mistake is in any way your fault. But make it clear it will ONLY be for 2 weeks.

If you are a key part of the team, there’s a good chance any decent candidate will be on 3 months notice, many of us in the charity sector are (I’ve off the record told them I’m quitting in 2 years as it makes planning easier)

While your managers lack of planning isn’t your fault and you can do what you want. I would add that if you are taking leave at 30 weeks pregnant adding 2 weeks additional pay isn’t a bad thing if you plan on being SAHM.

However if you are 36 weeks then stick to your guns!

No way, it isn’t your fault that they are disorganised and you’ve mentally prepared to leave on a set date. I wouldn’t feel guilty, particularly as you’re not returning. It’s bad that they haven’t got you to train others to do your role before, I presumed you took holidays! As an aside, ignore if it doesn’t apply but if they pay you occupational maternity leave, you quite often have to pay it back unless you return for at least 3 months. Enjoy your pregnancy 💐

"Due to miscommunications between me, my line manager and the centralised HR team"

How much of this is down to you? This would determine my response.

In fairness, the OP says that it is a “mission over money” place and the actual pay is peanuts. I’ll be surprised if the maternity pay is much more than the statutory minimum.

Put yourself first. It's not your problem and you won't be returning. Hopefully this will be a valuable lesson for them. If you let them get away with eating they'll keep doing it. If they give you trouble just tell them it's for medical reasons.

I would offer 2 days a week for 2 or 3 weeks so you have some chill time but are helping them out but I’d be clear on end date

I’d just say no. If you were going back after maternity leave I’d say be sensible, I would maximise time off with the baby over time off before. But if you aren’t going back just sod them. Enjoy every minute. Don’t have regret over giving them time.

Exactly this. 100% and when you've had your baby you'll ask yourself what on earth you were thinking even entertaining this. You'll thank yourself for having had your time off!

As someone who worked til 37 weeks because I was going back, I say enjoy the end of your pregnancy! I promptly got preeclampsia the day after leaving work, so if you aren't going back then I wouldn't worry.

Based on their own interviewing plans, there's zero chance it will be 'just two more weeks'. You ned to calmly point this out and say you're sorry, but you've provided all kinds of notice and you won't be extending your stay.

Do it respectfully and calmly, though, as you'll eventually need the reference. And, frankly, you may want to keep you hand it and return part time after your leave rather than be a SAHP.

Would you consider working part time for a few weeks? At full pay obviously. If they are that keen they'll do it :-) I used up all my annual leave for the year (because it would expire before I returned) by having every wednesday off for a couple of months before maternity leave, it made it all more doable. Maybe suggest you can go in two days a week and answer questions from home for an hour on other days!