AIBU to take maternity leave as planned?

[ApricotsAndCream]

TL;DR: should I agree to delay starting maternity leave so that my office has more time to hire cover

I’m pregnant with my first baby after years of fertility problems. The first trimester was rough, physically and emotionally. I’m better now but booked my maternity leave to start quite early. I want time to nest and ensure my physical/emotional health are as good as possible for birth and the newborn stage. Also, it’s frivolous but this might be my only successful pregnancy I want some time to enjoy it.

DH and I always intended that I would be a SAHM for at least a few years so I don’t plan on returning to this job after maternity leave.

I work at a small branch (less than 6 staff, mostly part-time) of a national charity. It’s a ‘mission over money’ kind of workplace i.e. the actual pay is peanuts but you hopefully earn good karma. This does make hiring a nightmare.

Due to miscommunications between me, my line manager and the centralised HR team (and some waffling by my line manager), the maternity cover posting has been placed 1 month before my maternity leave is due to start. Interviews are scheduled for a fortnight before I go.

No one in the office has scope/skills to cover my job even temporarily. And, of course, the cover hire would need time to get up to speed. My line manager has asked if I would be willing to push back my maternity leave dates if needed. For example, if a good candidate has a 1-month notice period, could I stay on for two weeks more?

On one hand, I don’t want to put the office team or the charity in a bad position. If they have to hire a subpar candidate just because they’re available sooner I’d feel a bit guilty.

On the other hand, I have been counting down the days to my leave! There’s so much I want to do for myself and the baby and I just don’t have the energy after a day in the office.

My line manager will also take 10 miles if you give an inch.

(Example: a key volunteer wants to step down but said he would wait until a replacement was found. Line manager put finding a replacement right at the bottom of his to-do list because he knew the volunteer was too loyal to just leave.)

I’m very concerned that two weeks would turn into two months. I compromise too easily and I’m a bad negotiator. And, as I said, hiring is a nightmare here. Previous roles have needed several rounds of adverts to find a suitable candidate.

DH advises to be careful agreeing to anything. Maybe offer to stay a few days extra but no more than a week. I was very vague and non-committal when line manager brought this up and haven’t spoken to HR yet.

YANBU: stick to the dates as planned
YABU: offer to stay a bit longer and take one for the team

I informed HR (central function so not based in our office at all) of the dates in late Feb and assumed they would immediately start the advertising/hiring process. When I followed up about 2 weeks later, they said that actually line manager had to formally request cover hire. I told line manager and then he took about another week to send the form.

My mistake was assuming the HR process.

"Due to miscommunications between me, my line manager and the centralised HR team (and some waffling by my line manager), the maternity cover posting has been placed 1 month before my maternity leave is due to start. Interviews are scheduled for a fortnight before I go."

Is this a one off? Were the miscommunications your fault in anyway? If it's rare and or was your fault, I'd stay as a good will gesture. If it wasn't your fault and they have form for being disorganised, I would not.

Gosh, the audacity of trying to guilt a pregnant woman into changing her maternity leave plans because they fucked up hiring cover. I absolutely 100% would not change my plans, if I were you. Good luck with the baby.

I would stick to my guns and take the maternity leave from the time already negotiated. If I was feeling generous I might agree to holding a couple ( and I mean a couple, to be held at a time of my choosing) of on line training sessions for my successor. They will have access to all your correspondence, emails etc and that should be enough for them to get through the transition period. They are adults and can work stuff out.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope you sail through the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy being a mum.

They manage when you're on annual leave, I assume. So they can manage for an extra few weeks of a mat leave gap or (virtually if possible) parachute someone in from another branch or head office.

Bad management that means they don't have a plan for you being either incapacitated or leaving is not your problem.

No . Your mistake was assuming you were working with people who could pick up a phone and ask questions if they didn’t understand the process.

I would be sticking to my original date

If your employee guidance says clearly that you should inform your line manager x weeks before you want your leave to commence and if you hadn't even told him you were pregnant then you should probably stay longer. Otherwise, I'd say it's his responsibility not yours to know the procedure for hiring cover and to make sure it happened on time. He should be guiding you in what to do, not the other way round.

I wouldn't change your plans. Partly because they sound disorganised and you can't even trust them if you promised to do a week, but mostly because you have agreed a date and deserve to go as planned.

Employee guidance does not override the law or create any sort of onus on the OP to change her maternity leave plans.

How early are you planning on starting MAT leave? I was born 6 weeks prem and wanted to leave work at the same time in my pregnancy.

I'm glad I did as I had my daughter(s) 4 weeks early, so I'd still got 2 weeks off to get ready.

It's a balance, as more week off before means fewer weeks off to spend with the baby afterwards.

I was told by work that they didn't know who they were going to find to cover my maternity leave. They didn't go as far as asking me to stay on any longer. But I wouldn't have even if they'd offered.

Hi Op. I admit I do struggle to take this advice myself, and I’m sure the charity is a worthy cause, but be selfish and think of yourself in this situation. Fertility issues are the pits. Enjoy this xx

Not your problem.
You informed HR.
Put yourself first and carry on as planned.
This is on them.
Best of luck.

My advice as someone who works in HR is, never allow an employer to guilt-trip you into changing your personal plans to accommodate their fuck ups. That is particularly true for something as significant as maternity dates. Make no mistake, their world will keep turning if you don't change your dates; they will be inconvenienced and they see pressuring you to do this for them as the easiest solution for them. However, you would be making their lives easier at the expense of your own and for no tangible reward. In my experience, it is vanishingly unlikely that they would do the same for you. You don't have to be an arse about it, smile sweetly, look regretful and say sorry you can't change your plans, no more explanation than that needed. Then walk away and enjoy your maternity time, and then your lovely new baby.

It depends at what point OP is leaving. I worked until 2 weeks before my daughter was due, but it's not clear when this baby is due.

I voted yanbu because it’s not your problem and it’s completely up to you but I have to say I think keeping as much time for after his better . It depends on how tired you are etc but with my first I was nearly 2 weeks overdue was was bored stiff by the end . I took 3 weeks before my due date last time and was also really bored and wished I’d worked a bit longer

(Why has everyone suddenly started saying "carving out time"? I swear I see it twice a day or more now)

I started maternity a few weeks early and I loved it. You will never, ever get that time again. Even if you are able to have another, you’ll have another child to look after. Most people dont have a choice as have to save it up for once the baby js here and want to delay returning to work.

I did hyphobirthing, pregnancy yoga, read books, watched movies… it was the best.

Write a really good handover document, you could offer to do a team as call once they start or ask the successful candidate to take leave from their day job to do a handover before you go. Essentially it's their problem and I find it so frustrating when people don't put in place maternity cover because they know people are going off and there is a deadline. You could even offer to do a video pre-recorded going through the handover for the successful candidate or some slides with a voiceover, but my experiences we are always more loyal to our companies than they are to us

Can you do KIT days before you've had the baby?

However, I fundamentally disagree with any suggestions that you should be kind t them and move your leave. You don't need any reason at all to take your legal entitlement when you please - you've probably been underpaid for your skills for a long time, that's kindness enough already!

If it were me I'd probably tell a white lie in this situation. 'Oh, sorry ... I've talked to my midwife and I'm definitely going on [date]'.

You don't need the stress of being pressured to keep working, and I agree with others that if they think they can push you, they may well keep pushing and trying to make you extend it.

How much notice of the date you want to start your mat leave did you give? When did you tell your manager as you only mention HR?

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Carry on with your plans to leave on the date you want. You've given the proper notice, and their cock-up is not (and should not) be yours to fix.

Agreed. You will never be in this season of life again. It’s a special time. You need to rest and nest.

They manage without you when you are on annual leave so they can manage without you now.