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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

5 year old said this about coparent time - concerned but unsure

78 replies

penguinparty00 · 27/03/2026 22:43

My little boy is 5 and I co-parent we do not talk only to communicate when necessary about our son on an app) very strained but we never let show in our communication as it’s limited and only when needed. My little boy asked if we could get a dog and as the conversation took its natural course he mentioned that he really likes it when he gets to stay in on his own at his dads while his dads asleep and dads girlfriend takes their dog out.l, I said oh what do you mean and he said he gets to stay on his own on the sofa while his dads asleep in the mornings and his dads girlfriend takes the dog out, I said oh right you mean once garden and he said no for a walk around the estate they live on. I feel conflicted, on one hand what he does at his dads is really none of my concern but I can’t help but be concerned of the safety aspect of if this is true leaving a 5 year old in his own! Just looking
for advice, do I raise this is a message to
Coparent to try and understand it as there could be a huge chunk of information my little boy has missed out?

OP posts:
ChatterMonkey · 27/03/2026 22:44

But he's not on his own, his dad is sleeping in the house? I assume he would know to wake him up/go get him if anything happened

tilypu · 27/03/2026 22:45

Do you always wake up before your son does?

Happytaytos · 27/03/2026 22:46

He's not in his own, his dad's there!

Easterbunnyishotandcross · 27/03/2026 22:47

He isn't alone... In a room alone isn't Home Alone...

TY78910 · 27/03/2026 22:47

Ummm my 5yo gets up on the weekends before me and has done so since about 4. She will put the telly on and grab a snack… YABU

TheatreTraveller · 27/03/2026 22:50

He's not being left home alone though? One adult is allowed to leave the house if the other is home.
On a weekday morning my kids (8 and 5) go downstairs and get breakfast (cold stuff) while I shower and get dressed.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 27/03/2026 22:51

Like others have already said his dad is there too.
What the girlfriend does is irrelevant.

cestlavielife · 27/03/2026 22:52

He is not home alone. His dad is there

getmeabiscuit · 27/03/2026 22:52

When your child is in school they dont have a teacher stood with them all day. This is similar - dad is close by.

penguinparty00 · 27/03/2026 22:57

glad I got some perspective a thanks all, I guess it comes down to different ways of parenting to me it’s not something I’d do, I would always make sure I can hear him if I’m in another room and due to my absolutely fucked sleep schedule I am always up first, I guess it’s just different I know his dad would sleep through most things so that just made me anxious when I thought about it if he needed something/ something had happened but this is why I like this forum I can get other opinions and see things from other points of view before I go doing something like send a message that could cause friction.

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 27/03/2026 22:57

When my son was 4 he used to get up at the weekends and I'd get him some breakfast, put the TV on and go back to bed for another hour or so!

BlessedCheesemaker · 27/03/2026 23:05

I don't know about the previous replies. Buly usual mumsnet standards, if you were doing this, you'd definitely be a bad mother, leaving your 5 year old to see to their own breakfast while you slept/your partner walked the dog. But if dads doing it, that's fine. You know your child - is this ok?

Happytaytos · 27/03/2026 23:05

Pleased you checked. Dad's likely not totally fast asleep.

FloralDeerPattern · 27/03/2026 23:13

You son has expressed that he likes it, if he didn't like it it would be different but I remember getting up at that age pouring a bowl of cereal and watching ninja turtles. I used to like it too. So long as he isn't worried about waking his dad up if he needs help with anything then I think it's fine.

somedogsdo · 27/03/2026 23:40

I would take this to mean Dad still in bed in the house and girlfriend out walking dog. Can’t see an issue with it.

LBFseBrom · 28/03/2026 00:00

ChatterMonkey · 27/03/2026 22:44

But he's not on his own, his dad is sleeping in the house? I assume he would know to wake him up/go get him if anything happened

Exactly

FruitFlyPie · 28/03/2026 00:32

Gosh I never get up before my kids on weekends. They get up at 6 or 7am. No thanks.

Hedgehogbrown · 28/03/2026 00:52

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 27/03/2026 22:51

Like others have already said his dad is there too.
What the girlfriend does is irrelevant.

Yes why are you focusing on the girlfriend at all? She can go where she likes.

Takis · 28/03/2026 01:03

How strange are you, gosh I had a nap on the sofa earlier because I had a banging headache and feeling unwell, kids were here, call social services 🙄 sounds like you are looking to cause problems

sittingonabeach · 28/03/2026 01:10

How often is he at his dad’s? If he isn’t there very often or dad is very heavy sleeper I would think it was a bit off.

What are they like with the dog, is he ever left alone in a room with the dog?

Katemax82 · 28/03/2026 07:06

ChatterMonkey · 27/03/2026 22:44

But he's not on his own, his dad is sleeping in the house? I assume he would know to wake him up/go get him if anything happened

I leave my kids at home to go to the shop if their dad's asleep, my youngest is 7

Tulipsriver · 28/03/2026 07:26

I wouldn't let my 5 year old go downstairs alone whilst I slept but plenty of people do. Unfortunately this isn't something that you can dictate (or even discuss if you don't have a good co parenting relationship).

Can I ask why you only communicate using an app? Completely understandable if it's due to abuse or something, but otherwise I'd work really hard at improving your co parenting relationship now before bigger issues crop up. You can't dictate what he does in his home, but it's better for your son if you can at least chat and agree to some consistent rules.

TheIceBear · 28/03/2026 07:32

My five year old always wakes me up when he gets up but I wouldn’t be concerned if he got up and went downstairs on his own when I was asleep . I suppose you know your own child better than us. Mine would just turn on a cartoon and watch it by himself and wouldn’t really get up to mischief . What are you concerned will happen ?

Zanatdy · 28/03/2026 07:37

It’s fine at 5.

Rooroobear · 28/03/2026 07:40

Plus what if there was no girlfriend. Presume dad would live in his own so son would get up on his own anyway with dad still in bed. You need to take the girlfriend out of this equation, she’s irrelevant

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