Is private always better?

[Privateschooldilemma]

DD is due to start a private prep in September. Me nor DH went to a private school and just want the best for our DD. The school is fairly traditional in its ethos and just in general (eg. Children still wear a boater, ties, kilts etc).

DD is very bright, confident, chatty, opinionated and is generally the leader when playing with a group of friends. Very quick thinking and head strong and always has been.

A friend of mine mentioned private school ‘whipping them into shape’ and basically instilling discipline and effectively dulling children’s personalities. We do also have some good state primaries near us and said friend said that she feels that children get to be children more at state schools vs private.

I’m worried that attending such a traditional school may ‘dull’ all of DD’s sparkle. I love how confident and chatty she is and how she isn’t afraid to speak up and give her opinion!

Would love to hear other people’s experience of private prep especially with a DD who seems similar mine!

IABU: all primaries are the same
IANBU: I’m right to be concerned about this.

Private school is all about the experience and the journey rather than the outcome. If you get caught up and fixated on the outcome then you won’t consider it to be valued for money.
But is it a more pleasant experience for both you and the child than your local cattle market? Yes absolutely it is.

Private schools spend far far more time on ‘enrichment’ which is sports, music, arts, culture with the aim of producing a rounded, confident, happy child. It’s very rare for state to do this as well as private does, which is the main reason people choose private.

As for children being children well it depends what your definition of a child is
If it’s one running around with its hair unbrushed and it’s a dinner down it’s cardigan you won’t see that very often in private schools. There will be all sorts of children in state schools. From those who could walk into a private school and match the furniture quite quickly through to some that look feral

Could this not be achieved with a SAHM who takes their child to after school dance/music/sports lessons though? I have primarily chosen private in the hope that DD will be pushed further academically due to the smaller class sizes.

Sounds like your friend is jealous . Ours went private , it’s great for confident outgoing children IMO .

Ha! DD is definitely not ‘feral’ or the one usually running around with dinner down her clothes! Although that did make me laugh… and you do get quite a few kids like this at a state primary! Why do you think they don’t have them at a private? What does the private do differently here?

DD just is such a chatter box and really comes up with some great questions. She’s curious about EVERYTHING and loves learning. But I think would probably be the child that gets told off for talking too much or shouting out answers etc.

My DD is exactly like yours OP. She was always bright, confident, chatty, curious. She’s been in private since Nursery and now in Y9 and it’s been superb for her. They encourage children to voice their opinions (politely!) question, challenge etc as long as it’s done respectfully. She’s also had opportunities to try lots of different things, plenty of sport, music, drama, yearly outdoor pursuits, ski trips, 3 modern languages as well as Latin, and found out what she enjoys and where her strengths lie.

Well of course this can equally be achieved by parents who both work in professional jobs but still decide to send their DC to a local state school. Theatre, museums, tennis lessons, music are all accessible whether your child is state or privately educated. They can also achieve excellent academic results, Oxbridge and all of the other things you're paying for without paying for the privilege.

You could do but it’s a lot of effort that most parents who work don’t have time for, and it’s hard to know where to start, how to get the right range, how to get them to do things their not confident about. Whereas with private it’s all just laid on for you.

Academics? Teaching is no different from state. Private can have much better behaviour and order though due to their ability to kick kids out for misbehaviour so kids are in an environment that makes it easier to learn.

Private is a far superior experience in my experience of all the settings. No comparison.
If you can afford it, absolutely do it.

To answer your question, I would say no it’s not always better. I’ve worked in both sectors as a teacher and now train teachers who are placed in both types of schools that I work with and visit regularly. On average, private is better but I’ve seen some amazing state schools and some awful private schools. It depends so much on the school.

This is so untrue it’s hilarious. The term you’re looking for is obnoxious not well rounded.

I've got kids in both sectors - the advantage of private for me was the small size which benefitted one of my children but the others would have hated. I don't agree with private dulling kids sparkle though, if anything it allows it to shine as they're in small enough classes to be seen.

Depends on the child as to what's best, as I say private suits one of mine and not the others. Appreciate my privilege in having the choice.

In my experience it depends where you live and how the local schools are. Where we live now, one of the local comprehensives achieves far higher results than the one & only private school. I accept that may be rare across the country as a whole but sending your child to the private school here is nothing but a status symbol.

However, if I lived somewhere with dreadful state options I would absolutely consider private school to be better.

If your child doesn't fit in a private school (for whatever reason - and no, their confidence won't necessarily help) then trust me, it'll do more harm than good. Ask me how I know...

If you say so.

i have two in state secondary, one in private secondary. I’m only talking from my experience. The private school kids are far kinder to each other and others and more friendly, confident, relaxed happy and polite than the state school.

Oh and speaking as an educator, smaller class sizes aren't always better, especially if the teacher isn't educated sufficiently in pedagogy and teaching approaches suitable for smaller environments. The private school classes I witnessed all used the same passive learning techniques. The teacher stood in front of the class and talked. It wouldn't have made a jot of difference if there were 15 pupils or 150 pupils in the class.

This is often the case in the independent sector as - unlike the state sector - teachers do not need formal teaching qualifications to teach there.

I have seen private school teachers attempt to teach without a fucking clue.

I am also speaking from experience.

If it’s a good school it will both recognise and nurture your child’s talents - the state primary my kids went to did just that.

We live in a typical mumsnet ‘naive’ area and the state primaries nearby are all considered to be good schools.

I work in a good school and I’d walk the streets before I sent either of my own kids to it.

State school people are scum

Wow.

I agree with a lot of this (and worked in a private school with numerous teachers who didn’t have teaching qualifications and I’m sure the parents didn’t know). There are also some amazing private schools with excellent teaching and excellent facilities. It all depends on the school. It should be noted that academies can and do employ unqualified teachers too. It’s only local maintained schools that have to employ qualified teachers.

I think the worst private schools are probably better than the worst state schools, but the best private schools are fairly similar in terms of academic outcomes as the best state schools.

In my area the outcomes are similar for both so for us it was a no-brainer to go with state.

Not always but it has been in our experience. Interestingly the private primary is much more friendly and diverse and there is a much greater focus on developing the child’s strengths and interests rather than teaching to prepare for standardised tests.
We moved due to behaviour and bullying and have gone from having a near school refuser to a thriving, happy child. State secondary provision round here is a shitshow so barring disaster we’ll be in the private sector until 18