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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS girlfriend at our house all the time.

93 replies

FierceForester90 · 27/03/2026 20:00

My DS is 21, he has been seeing a girl aged 19 for around 2 months. She is generally lovely but she is at our house pretty much every hour my son isn't sleeping or at work and I am struggling with it.

They spend time in his room but are mainly in the living room, she wanders into my home office quite often when I am working which I find a bit intrusive. At the minute I feel like I can't switch off, relax, have a bath and put my pj's on because she is always there. She is very chatty, she is also quite bossy toward by younger DS who is 16.

We lost our oldest dog this week and have been desperate for some family time. We sat down as a family last week to discuss and agree having him put to sleep and she was there even for that.

AIBU to want some time at home without her there?

OP posts:
ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 27/03/2026 20:01

Just tell her.

Farewelltothatid · 27/03/2026 20:09

I wouldn't like this at all OP.

I would find it quite cheeky behaviour to make herself so at home. Even members of my own extended family wouldn't behave like that In my home.

What do you say to her when she comes into your office? And did you not tell her it was a private conversation about your poor dog?

I think yoh need to speak to your DS and agree with him the amount of time you think it's reasonable for this young woman to be in your home. And he needs to talk to her about the need for respecting his family's privacy when she is in your home.

whattheflipz · 27/03/2026 20:13

Definitely not ok, speak up now or your future will always look like this.

Geiirksns · 27/03/2026 20:21

There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries - she is walking all over you.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/03/2026 20:21

Speak to your son about it?

BudgetBuster · 27/03/2026 20:24

What... just tell her "Get out of my office, don't ever come in here again".

Tell your son that he needs to discuss with others if she's coming over etc or that you all need to limit the time she's around because it's becoming disruptive.

If she bosses the 16yo... tell her to STFU it's his house, not hers.

Lemonfrost · 27/03/2026 20:27

Have you actually said anything? If not, why not?

Marylou2 · 27/03/2026 20:32

Sit your son down and have a straightforward discussion. Make your boundaries very clear. She's welcome over 2 evenings a week or whatever you're comfortable with. This is a new relationship and she's still a stranger so shouldn't be wandering around your home without permission. Make it very clear that you won't tolerate her bossing your younger son about. I'm sorry about your dog.

Mackerelfillets · 27/03/2026 20:32

I'd hate this OP but saying nothing makes them think its OK. That might be why she's at yours...her parents might have made their feelings clear. You have to get ground rules sorted, what you'll accept and what you won't.

catipuss · 27/03/2026 20:35

Your DS has to sort out the house rules with her.

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 27/03/2026 20:37

Tell your DS she can stay 2/3 nights a week maximum.

ERthree · 27/03/2026 20:38

Why have you allowed this woman to spend so much time in your home? Lay ground rules and stick to them.

ThejoyofNC · 27/03/2026 20:43

Why are you allowing this virtual stranger to walk around like she owns the place? Sit the pair of them down and say she can come over max twice a week and she cannot come into your office at all.

Mayflowerz · 27/03/2026 20:47

You need to talk to your son asap.

You need to put boundaries in place. 2 months is still a very new relationship, she should not have been involved in your family meeting or walking into your office.

Big thing for me that stood out was you said she is bossy towards 16 year old sibling. That’s a big no. It’s his home not hers. It’s his safe place don’t let her take that away from
him.

AllJoyAndNoFun · 27/03/2026 20:49

I would speak to your son. Just say that you do like her but that she can't basically move in. I would limit it to 2/3 nights a week (no more than 2 consecutive), and then he can spend 2/3 nights at hers which leaves 1-3 other nights to do other things/ see other friends/ whatever but basically keep a life beyond each other. I would also him to speak to her about her coming into your office as that is massively inappropriate. Either that or make a "do not come in" sign for the door

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 27/03/2026 20:55

Apart from her wandering into your office when I assume you’re working I wouldn’t actually have an issue with this.

the other option is that your DS is never home and they spend all their time at her house.

dd2s boyfriend is here or dd2 is at his. It’s just part of having young adult DC. You kind of need to be welcoming and make their girlfriends/boyfriends welcome and feel at home. I’d always rather be the house the choose to come to.

Dora33 · 27/03/2026 20:57

It's not fair on your other child to suddenly have this person being in their home all the time and on top of that to be bossy to them.
That she walks in to your office is really bad. Clear boundaries need to be put in place with your son.
Max of 2 evenings a week for such a new relationship. You and your younger child need to be able to relax in your home without your oldest's girlfriend being constantly there.

Awishcometrue · 27/03/2026 21:05

FierceForester90 · 27/03/2026 20:00

My DS is 21, he has been seeing a girl aged 19 for around 2 months. She is generally lovely but she is at our house pretty much every hour my son isn't sleeping or at work and I am struggling with it.

They spend time in his room but are mainly in the living room, she wanders into my home office quite often when I am working which I find a bit intrusive. At the minute I feel like I can't switch off, relax, have a bath and put my pj's on because she is always there. She is very chatty, she is also quite bossy toward by younger DS who is 16.

We lost our oldest dog this week and have been desperate for some family time. We sat down as a family last week to discuss and agree having him put to sleep and she was there even for that.

AIBU to want some time at home without her there?

I wouldn't be happy with her walking in on work calls, easily solved by you setting boundaries
How would you feel if you son was staying at her house every night?? My advice would to keep him close
Daughter is a daugter for all your life,
A son is a son until he finds a wife

AmandaHoldensLips · 27/03/2026 21:10

You have to be crystal clear with your son in very plain language. This is his home, but it's not his house. His girlfriend is a guest, who comes at invitation, respects boundaries, and leaves.

If they want to play house together, then he goes and gets his own place.

Original poster
FierceForester90 · 27/03/2026 21:18

I have spoken to him previously, he listens but still pushed the boundaries. I came home form 4 days of working away yesterday, it was the first time I was coming home to a house without the dog and I knew I would be upset. I had asked that he had taken her home before I got back, she was still there when I arrived. Tonight we agreed a quiet family dinner and that she could come round in the afternoon but he would have taken her home and be back by 6pm. At 6.15 she was still here despite both me and DH shouting upstairs to say dinner was nearly ready.

I don't mind her being here most of the time, im happy for her to have dinner with us a couple of times a week, but its every day at the moment.

OP posts:
Mayflowerz · 27/03/2026 21:30

FierceForester90 · 27/03/2026 21:18

I have spoken to him previously, he listens but still pushed the boundaries. I came home form 4 days of working away yesterday, it was the first time I was coming home to a house without the dog and I knew I would be upset. I had asked that he had taken her home before I got back, she was still there when I arrived. Tonight we agreed a quiet family dinner and that she could come round in the afternoon but he would have taken her home and be back by 6pm. At 6.15 she was still here despite both me and DH shouting upstairs to say dinner was nearly ready.

I don't mind her being here most of the time, im happy for her to have dinner with us a couple of times a week, but its every day at the moment.

You need to ban her altogether then. If your son can’t respect your rules then she is not allowed in until he can.

You are being too nice and letting him get away with it. When you arrived home you should have called them down and asked them to leave. It’s your home and they are showing you no respect.

ThejoyofNC · 27/03/2026 21:43

Mayflowerz · 27/03/2026 21:30

You need to ban her altogether then. If your son can’t respect your rules then she is not allowed in until he can.

You are being too nice and letting him get away with it. When you arrived home you should have called them down and asked them to leave. It’s your home and they are showing you no respect.

Show quote history

Agree. They're taking the piss.

Chilly80 · 27/03/2026 22:01

Start giving her chores. Say you seem to live here so please crack on with this huge pile of ironing then clean the bathroom

PussInBin20 · 27/03/2026 22:05

Yeah, you’re being too passive and the message has not been received so you need to be more blunt.

pilates · 27/03/2026 22:08

Unfortunately, they are in that infatuation stage but you need to put boundaries in place.