AIBU to feel overwhelmed by DHs job search in his 50s, business collapse and family illness?

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My DH and I feel so crushed and tired. His small company that he’s run really successfully for the past 20 years has basically stopped operating- the past 18 months have been dire. We’ve now run out of money. I’m working, but with the cost of living, we just can’t afford to live at the moment. It’s getting really bad.

He’s sent his CV out to 100s of companies, but there’s been just 1 interview (and he didn’t get it). He’s in his 50s and keeps loosing out to younger candidates.

It’s heartbreaking to see him go through this. Has anyone the same age been there and come through the other side? His confidence and self belief is rock bottom.
on top of this, he’s just lost his dad and we’re caring for my terminally ill dad at home with us. It’s just all getting too much.
Any recommendations of getting his CV looked at or professional career advice would be great. Or just tips on how to get through this. Thanks.

We’re having a shit time too, I sympathise hugely. I’ve applied for loads of jobs over the past two years and can’t get any. Not even an interview or a response. My son, I suspect, is seriously depressed. Husband can’t find steady work despite a perfect career trajectory. I hate my sisters who are toxic bullies. It’s just endless shit to get through and for what? That’s the point we’ve hit and I’ve never seen my confident and capable husband feel so low. I’ve lost my parents but he has his and I am dreading anything going awry with them. It’s too much.

What industry is your husband in?

Sorry that was a bit me me there

What’s his area? Sector? niche?

Thanks for replies.
He’s in media and comms. We’re seeing massive shifts in this industry at the moment but his work is the stuff that’s basically getting squeezed out by technology.

I'm sorry op.

On a practical note.... My first thought was have you tried going to citizens advice? Book an appointment and make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to. Then get them to look at dhs cv. Can your dh claim carers allowance as a carer while looking after his dad and he isn't earning? Is his dad getting all the financial support that he is entitled to, so he can contribute to the household and have the money to buy the things he needs? Have adult social care assessments been done so that your fil is getting the support he needs at home, which may relieve a burden?

Man- I’m sorry it shit at the moment for you too. I don’t know about you, but I just keep thinking how did we get here after all the years of grafting and hard work. And the job marked just feels closed shut.
Then the caring stuff (as well as children) just means you’ve got absolutely no time. Massive sympathy to you too.

Thanks for this. Yes, we’ve gone through all the benefits we’re entitled to. We fall in the middle of a lot of thresholds because I’m earning. DF is on everything and full benefits but that’s his and it doesn’t touch the sides of what we need overall as a household and family.
I’ll look at CV stuff with Citizens Advice, though- hadn’t thought of going there with it. Thanks

Has your DH checked Civil Service Jobs? I get the impression there is less age discrimination in the civil service, and there are a wide variety of jobs available where communication skills would be essential.
Here’s a sample search:
https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi?SID=cGFnZWFjdGlvbj1zZWFyY2hjb250ZXh0Jm93bmVydHlwZT1mYWlyJnBhZ2VjbGFzcz1TZWFyY2gmb3duZXI9NTA3MDAwMCZjb250ZXh0aWQ9MTgwNTU3OTcwJnJlcXNpZz0xNzc0NTkzNDMyLTRkYjU2YTNiYjk4ZmFlZThjYTMyZjI5ZjJlYzAxZDQwNjFjYjc2ZTQ=

This is my area too, it’s all been swallowed by by AI. What I would suggest, is that you try and pivot into working in net zero or renewables, there is an growing need for people who can work in ESG etc. working on corporate governance etc this is what we’re trying to do and honestly it’s the only space that seems to be going.

its very disheartening- we’ve always worked and are well qualified and as our working lives come to a close neither of us expected to be scrabbling around like this.

He hasn’t lately- will take another look. Great idea, thanks.

Does he have any recent history of being an employee? (as opposed to self-employed) That may be putting employers off. He should ASAP get a part-time evening/weekend job so he has some recent examples that he is happy doing what he is told, working as part of a team, etc etc.

Hugs for all of you this is a tough time.

I would suggest focusing on applying in specific industries - higher education, social housing, health, government come to mind. Much less age discrimination, and often still require humans - these areas are slower to move towards technological replacements due to funding limitations.

We've been through similar. My husbands self employed work dried up last year to point that he had to look for jobs. The worst bit was when it slowly declining over 18 months. It felt like we were on a slow sinking ship. Fortunately one of his clients gave him a job directly. If your husband has been running a business for 20 years does he have any business contacts he could approach directly for work? I'm am very sorry you are going through this. It was a very stressful time of our lives with the uncertainty and I felt very anxious.

I got sacked last year, and found a new job on less money. Less stress though. Not great for self esteem, but it will do.

I can relate to every word you’ve written. I’m retraining, moving from media into therapy based work, so I feel ok mentally as I have a focus and goal.
but it’s so hard for him as he doesn’t have that at the moment. I’ll definitely mention ESG to him- we haven’t considered that. So great shout! Thanks! Honestly, good luck with everything- it’s so tough.

Yes- that sinking ship feeling. Completely.

He has tried that tack- even having meetings about the company being submerged into the big corps that he worked with- but in the end nothing came of it. The replacement of his skills with AI has just meant a decline in need, I think.
it’s great your DH got that job. I still live in hope something like that could happen.

Sorry you're both going through this. It sounds tough. You could try National Careers Service. I think everyone is entitled to 1 face to face appt but there is also help on line and by phone. They should be able to help with the CV and provide advice on matching his skills to jobs in local area. Good luck.

Op I’m so sorry, it’s unbelievable how the media and comms sectors has been affected in the last few years. One of my closest friends is in the same position, mid 50s with an excellent track record with global companies and she is struggling to secure interviews. She is now looking at interim roles as these seem to want greater experience to hit the ground running. Might be an option for your DH?

I would also echo a PP and suggest civil service might be a good option.

While your DHs main skills were in media, running a company has a tonne of its own skill area too. Client getting and managingand project delivery are crucial in almost every business and your DH has a lot of experience. I think trying to get to networking events might help make some contacts directly, getting in on the ground with a new business. Come up with a a direction , a story and market himself directly. DH lost his business overnight when insurance companies stopped insuring in the sector but he was able to pivot and hasn’t looked back. At that age being proactive and exploring other channels is very important.

I’m really sorry for your situation. It’s v tough out there. Sorry to be dim but how exactly is AI taking over jobs in media and comms? I read about it but haven’t really seen concrete examples. Is it like instead of a human carefully crafting a press release or important communication the company just uses AI instead? Press releases often still have the name of a human at XYZ communications company at the bottom?

Try Local Government as well they are usually a bit behind the curve AI wise and have very strict recruitment rules around discrimination of any sort. Municipal Journal, Local Government chronicle, Jobsgopublic etc.

i think it sounds very overwhelming. I would reiterate checking you are getting everything your household is entitled to. Checking entitled to website, also carers allowence for your sh whilst he isn’t working if your father is in receipt of attendance allowance- it’s about the same as job seekers ( which after paying stamp is not means tested and is payable for 26 weeks) carers allowance you must not earn over £196 per week or it gets cut

friend of mine was made redundant in 50s and went to work for grocery delivery, NMW and out on the road all day solo, he loved it. Might fill a gap. He never did go back to original career and is now retired

If he does decide to try changing direction, then on CVs / applications etc he should focus on his skills (if his experience isn't v relevant)

I don't work in his field but changed direction and it turned out brilliantly