AIBU to feel overwhelmed by DHs job search in his 50s, business collapse and family illness?

[Onlyonesetoffootprints]

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My DH and I feel so crushed and tired. His small company that he’s run really successfully for the past 20 years has basically stopped operating- the past 18 months have been dire. We’ve now run out of money. I’m working, but with the cost of living, we just can’t afford to live at the moment. It’s getting really bad.

He’s sent his CV out to 100s of companies, but there’s been just 1 interview (and he didn’t get it). He’s in his 50s and keeps loosing out to younger candidates.

It’s heartbreaking to see him go through this. Has anyone the same age been there and come through the other side? His confidence and self belief is rock bottom.
on top of this, he’s just lost his dad and we’re caring for my terminally ill dad at home with us. It’s just all getting too much.
Any recommendations of getting his CV looked at or professional career advice would be great. Or just tips on how to get through this. Thanks.

Is he just applying for other jobs or is he networking or anything?

I'm due to be made redundant at the end of April and what I'm finding about the current job market is you really have to really put yourself out there. Even on places like linkedin, it's not enough to just send your CV off, you need speak to the recruiting agent for the job and ask if they can give you feedback.
My diary is pretty full at the moment with interviews, speaking to recruiters, messaging people on Linkedin, women in tech networking events etc.....I have two meetings booked in for next week. I even applied for one job and then called them to ask if it could pay any more so now have a meeting with the head of department next week to discuss. I also applied for a job that I did 10yrs ago in which the interview turned in to something completely different and could be an amazing opportunity if they decide they want me.

Obviously I don't have anything concrete yet but the process has really pushed me and it has definitely changed from last time. If all else fails I will get a local part time job as I can't imagine not working while looking for a better job.

If he has been self employed for a long time, it could be his job application skills and general workplace skills are out of date, the workplace has changed a lot in 20 years and being an employee is very different from being in charge of your own business.

I would recommend getting some advice and perhaps a careers professional to check applications are up to date and targeted to what employers want.

Following in solidarity as I am in this industry and in a similar position. Not unemployed (yet) but looking for jobs: have applied for over 50 in the past 18 months and have had two interviews and no offers.

To be honest instead of making me depressed its made me feel a bit fuck you to the whole industry and I want out.

If the industry feels that my 30 years experience in two careers is worth nothing then it can do one. Fucked if I am allowing it to impact my self esteem.

Not sure that helps you much but if nothing else we owe it to ourselves to remember our self worth.

I know several people in DH's situation, some of them under 40, so it's not his age. It's bloody AI etc taking over jobs. Somehow he needs to get back his confidence in himself and think what he can do to find fulfilling work not necessarily in his chosen field. My friend with a fine history of producing documentaries is now working as a gardener and just finding a few weeks of film work a year. Coaching or counselling may help your dh move forward.

I'm in your husbands age bracket, and my peers who are experiencing similar job implosions have used it to reflect, work out a plan of what to do until they can retire. Basically a job downsize, and drawing down on pensions at 55.

Obs. This depends on finances etc. But none of them have bothered getting back into 'the thick of it' with a big job.

They are very happy and I am very envious!

On the practical side sending off a CV and hoping will not work. Best advice i had from a recruiter was CVs now are sifted by AI so applications need to be tailored every single time to the specific requirements in the job description. The closest matches as determined by AI will get an interview.

With most vacancies receiving 100s of applicants your CV and application is highly unlikely to be read by a human until interview.

Remove lines, tricky fonts or niche abbreviations from your application as AI cannot read and will be rejected.

Agree public sector is a good option for over 50s.

Is there something he would be interested in retraining in?
When we were having some building works done recently one of our electricians was an apprentice and must have been in his late 40’s I would guess.
He didn’t say what he had done previously but had said he had become fed up with the long hours desk job he had been doing and had decided rather than plodding through the next 20 working years gritting his teeth he would do something he was interested in.
One of my friends retrained as a teacher in her late 40’s as well and worked in Aldi until she graduated.
Fingers crossed he finds something soon

looking for jobs: have applied for over 50 in the past 18 months and have had two interviews and no offers.

Fuck! @Thepeopleversuswork That's really depressing, I feel for you.

Love your fuck you attitude. So true.

^If the industry feels that my 30 years experience in two careers is worth nothing then it can do one. Fucked if I am allowing it to impact my self esteem.
Not sure that helps you much but if nothing else we owe it to ourselves to remember our self worth.^

Well said.

Get his cv through chatGPT, the problem is now CV’s are being screened by AI before they’re even looked at by a human, so you need to re-write your cv to include certain words for the job you’re looking at to get past that screening. A good prompt to put in is ‘update this resume to be fully optimised for applicant tracking systems for the role of (insert role) insert industry specific key words naturally.
Or
act as a recruiter for (insert role/job title) review my resume below & highlight weak areas, overused buzzwords, and missing metrics, be brutally honest’
And
‘tailor this CV to fit this specific job role (insert job description) highlight matching experience and reword sections to match the language used’
worth a go!

I was also going to suggest the civil service. If he finds something to apply for then it’s worth asking on here, reading around more broadly, maybe using AI to help with the application and interview prep, as the CS has a very formulaic approach to recruitment- you need to get ticks in the right boxes ao you have to present your experience and skills in a particular way.

Sorry everything is so hard. I don’t blame you for feeling overwhelmed and hope your life gets easier soon.

To all the posters in the media industry... It's one I know well... I think the core issue is that it's been allowed to be ever more concentrated within a few hands, and repeated disruptions have been allowed to happen with barely any regulation. And yet, it's one of the most valuable sectors in the UK! It's infuriating to read that 46% of people in the media are no longer employed. How can anyone find a good job if the industry itself doesn't know where it's going - or even what it is anymore.

Yeah my DH freelance work declining slowly. Tough times financially. It absolutely sucks! Solidarity.

Sympathies, my brother is going through something similar, and it's really difficult for him 💐

I hear security work is not ageist. You can do training to get qualified but just a short course that you pay for.

Your DH might become eligible for funding for a second degree from Jan 2027, if he's still under 60 at that time.

Or perhaps teaching is something he could research? Maybe Business Studies?

When DH was made redundant during covid (he’d worked in the same place for over 20 years), Careers Wales were really helpful about getting his CV up to a good standard, advising about what to put on LinkedIn etc.

I’m not sure where you live but do get him to look into services like that in your area, it’s not just for teenagers.

Good luck, it really is shit xxx

It's an awful job market for many people at the moment. Current crisis in ME won't be helping at all which is truly awful for people seeking work.

However some sectors are still employing, civil service, MOJ (especially prisons) defence, healthcare, green energy. There are also niche markets like wine growing that might need comms, marketing. Also does he have an security clearance, could he apply as that can add an extra "qualification" that will stand out for some CVs.

Good luck..hardest part is keeping morale up during the long search.

If you are in work and earning, have you sat down with a years worth of bank and credit card statements and worked out how much you need to live and pay bills and also live, pay bills, buy clothes, eat out and go on holiday, retrain and put a little aside against what your income is.

Might sound strange but if you can see in black and white what you need it might just change his job search criteria. If the difference between the figures for you to have a comfortable life and what you are earning is eg £1600 per month then getting agency work or other hourly paid jobs might be the way to go in the short term. Look around at things like extra work, event staff, eBay business. Buying and selling stuff
Huge difference in applying for a job on £40,000 per year when you only need a £30,000 per year job and a big difference between having to get 1 big jobs and having the equivalent income after tax from several agency type jobs and small businesses

I sympathise it's awful. My partner was hugely successful, self employed then about three years ago work just dried up. I work but earn a lot less than he was. For about two years we muddled through with my pay and savings and then very gradually things have started to improve. He's in a much better space now but it was really scary and to be honest I'm not confident about the future. We were on the verge of downsizing massively and I haven't given up that idea entirely. Planning a move away from the SE in the hope that our money goes further and allows us to build up savings again. Age does play a part I guess, partner in late fifties but the whole landscape of work is changing very rapidly. Good luck OP, I hope he finds something soon.

Just sending sympathy. We moved downsizing,had just given my notice 3 days previously, going from ft nights to pt days, nursing,DH came home,sat staring into space... they were called into the office, company had liquidated on the spot! He was 55, only had one career vehicle technician top colour by then. I rescinded my notice, stayed at my Surrey hospital on better pay scale London weighting etc. he applied for over 100 jobs, got one interview,was offered the job,cash in hand,no guaranteed hours,in a barn,no heating, zero safety equipment, ramps,pit. He declined. We managed, just on my wage for exactly a year and his old garage re opened,he went back there. DD,very qualified in lots of areas,55, Been off sick after major abdominal surgery, her last place has closed down (restaurant) she has been getting sick pay and using her private pension.
.

I'm in IT (not AI) and there are still jobs out there but the competition is tough.

However, if I had had any idea I would of been in a restructure and at risk of redundancy after submitting new objectives that were all approved the week before. I think I would of started to take evening courses to retrain 6mths ago. There are lots of accountancy and book-keeping courses I could have invested in or possibly even of looked for part time work or consultancy while I had a more secure income. I'm currently leaving it as an option and when I do secure work, I think I will create a backup plan and start to diversify to have more options in the future,

You can't use AI for your CS application. You can for interview prep though.

I'm sorry @Onlyonesetoffootprints , that sounds really tough, it's going to one of those 'annus horribilis' affairs, we've certainly had a few. Things do change. My husband is over 50 and has had a wobbly few years jobs wise. 2 years ago, in a field where he could usually apply to multiple roles a day, it was total tumbleweed for 8 months, but last year when he was looking his market seemed to have picked up and he's recently started a long contract. I hope things improve soon.

Comms and PR is very tough right now, I gather. For people wondering how AI is taking jobs - well, imagine a small to medium business with a niche market (which is quite a lot of businesses) It needs to have a social media presence and do press releases. Their comms don't have to be big, or clever or linked into pop culture... so with AI you might decide to ditch your marketing assistant or stop using a comms agency because AI can come up with something good enough for your needs

it doesn’t touch the sides of what we need overall as a household and family.
This is what has to change.
Not just cutting the weekly shop and selling a few bits on eBay or Vinted - you need a vast and radical overhaul of your life. The kind of overhaul people usually do in their late seventies or eighties, you need to do now.

You need to jump before the debt-collectors push you.

Work on the assumption DH will not find another professional role, and will eventually get a minimum wage job.
You are downwardly mobile; you are going to be poorer - accept it.
Now plan for early retirement.

What age can each of you get your state pension? When can you access any private pensions? Do you have cash savings? How long can you hold off taking money from private pensions? The later you leave it, the better.
Make a spreadsheet of income and outgoings for each month until the pensions come in.

Downsize - sell the home to cover the gap before pensions are received.

Do you have children under 18 still at home?
If over 18 and finished college, they are now adults and have to find their own way. They need to move out into a rented room.
You only need two bedrooms in your new home, one for you both and one guest room. If more than two guests or adult DC stay, you use a camp bed or sofa.

Move to a cheaper area if needed. This is harder if DC under 18 are still at school or in the final year of college, or going through GCSEs. If necessary, sell the house and rent with the DC for those final few months until they are finished school or college.

The details of exactly what you can do depend on your circumstances, but it is the mindset that has to change and change now. You can no longer have the life you used to have, or the future you expected to have.

I feel for you OP.
My DH worked in IT, which is also brutal for the over 50s, and had a similar problem (minus the family illnesses, which I'm sure makes it even harder):

But he did, in the end, after really struggling, mentally as well as just professionally - to the point that I was convinced he'd never find work again. But I was wrong: he did.

TBF he did have to retrain: that took a couple of different goes (it's not easy to radically change career path at 55+, both to find something you can plausibly do at that age and then succeed in the retraining and get a job in a new field.)

It will also most likely not be the same pay ever again - and as others have said, you may just have to look at how that can be managed. And being blunt you'll probably have to take the lead on that for the moment.

But my point is that it can all be done, and you can get through it.
Wishing you all the best.💐