AIBU to feel overwhelmed by DHs job search in his 50s, business collapse and family illness?

[Onlyonesetoffootprints]

Posting for traffic here-

My DH and I feel so crushed and tired. His small company that he’s run really successfully for the past 20 years has basically stopped operating- the past 18 months have been dire. We’ve now run out of money. I’m working, but with the cost of living, we just can’t afford to live at the moment. It’s getting really bad.

He’s sent his CV out to 100s of companies, but there’s been just 1 interview (and he didn’t get it). He’s in his 50s and keeps loosing out to younger candidates.

It’s heartbreaking to see him go through this. Has anyone the same age been there and come through the other side? His confidence and self belief is rock bottom.
on top of this, he’s just lost his dad and we’re caring for my terminally ill dad at home with us. It’s just all getting too much.
Any recommendations of getting his CV looked at or professional career advice would be great. Or just tips on how to get through this. Thanks.

So an AI created job application gets vetted by AI....

Does he have a degree?

PGCE Computer Science trainee teachers can get £31 000 as a scholarship or £29 000 as a bursary.

There were a few people on my PGCE who had no intention of working as a teacher.

Your DH should remove all dates and references to his age from his CV.

Does he still have his own website? If you have your own website and domain its easy to give references for relatives or even for yourself. You have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette,

My DH just went through this last year at 59. We made the difficult decision for him to early retire, downsized, and moved to a cheaper area. Next month, it will be 1yr and while it is tough living on less the stress is a lot lower and he is happy volunteering in the community.

Over 50's sites might be useful

https://jobs-redefined.co/

https://restless.co.uk/

I was made redundant last year and I’m in my 50s.

A few thoughts if helpful - I updated my CV but only showed the last 10 years on job history, so they couldn’t tell my age. Obviously at interview they would know, but by then they like you enough to not be biased!
I made sure that all my experience was really outcome focussed, so not just a list of job roles and descriptions, but what I’d done and the outcome/benefit it achieved.
As others have said, and I did find it a bit cringe, but made myself do it, I posted articles on LinkedIn that were linked to my experience, I made connections there and sent messages to contacts politely asking for leads.

Also I made sure that the description of my skills wasn’t too niche, so it was clear I could apply them to different industries/roles.

It did pay off and I found a role that I really enjoy. It’s really tough and I do sympathise with anyone looking.

Ex recruiter here and you are 100% doing the right thing. In this market, people who are doing as you are the ones that are securing roles. Network network network! Every conversation is a little step closer and you have to think outside of the box x

OP as your husband has had his own business for so long, I would really recommend talking to people directly. Often clients of ours would have concerns that someone like this would be out of date in terms of doing the do day to day.Candidates like this can also find it tough articulating their experience in the right way and breaking down their skills and giving relevant examples - either on paper or face to face. Quite often talking to candidates who had been in their own business for so long was tricky - they could often be a bit wooly about what they had delivered, or they sounded downbeat (understandably) because their business had failed. And recruiters and clients will see right through that. He really needs to get to a place where he’s confident in his own ability and what he can bring to the table and be positive. Esssentially - he needs to market himself! I know it sounds ironic given the reason he’s in this situation anyway, but AI can help him to define his skills clearly, suggest adaptations or even make suggestions of adjacent career options or retraining. I hate suggesting AI but it can be useful for this kind of thing. Or asking it for suggestions of 20 similar companies he could approach proactively etc
Good luck!

I think he may need to lower his expectations and broaden his range, because it sounds like the most important thing is for him to be in a job and bringing in something asap, rather than trying repeatedly to get into one sector without success, and feeling more crushed and worried about finances with each rejection.
There are all sorts of possibilities in other sectors where he may have transferable skills or where they offer training. The DWP for instance recently did a big recruitment drive. I know they won't offer the salary he'll be looking for, but its better than nothing, and gets him doing something productive. Alternatively sign on with employment agencies. He'd be likely offered something within the week. Again, not his dream job, but work is work.

I do think that is quite accurate if there isn’t spare cash to ‘hold off’ - a mindset change can make the difference and see it as early retirement and just look for bits of less career type roles to bring in a bit extra-
however I would caution on people always suggesting downsizing and selling house - not everyone has a ton of equity to make that possible and won’t get newmortgages and might also struggle to rent anything decent too , if income is very low- it might make more sense if there is a fair bit of equity to do a small amount of equity release to bridge the income gap for 2 years ( even if it’s £50k) pay off any debt etc or car leases that’s draining funds, and then totally reassess at that point and either sell up and pay it off if it’s clear that income is going to be a problem or just factor it in ongoing and change it to pay the interest ongoing ( this is possible) so it doesn’t get any bigger. Also is there private pension fund money? And is he 55 yet? If so he can access 25% of fund tax free and that may help bridge the gap -

Yes, equity release is always worth considering, but beware of the mortgage term going past age 65 and into your retirement.

I really feel for @Onlyonesetoffootprints I could have written your post although our parents are thankfully doing ok, very elderly, but ok.

DH lost one too many clients last year and the work is drying up everywhere, thanks AI!, (comms and pr) and we have had to rethink our lives. So many of his contacts are in the exact same position and it's awful. He managed to get a position with the civil service, the pay is pretty dreadful but he has scope for advancement, however the pension is really good. We downsized some years ago and have a very small mortgage which we are going to pay off asap. I recognize we are lucky in this regard.
I was laid off last month (hospitality) and frankly the way it's going I have a feeling that finding work at my age is near impossible, that was a big blow.

My advice is to keep calm, hard I know, we decided we needed to radically change our lives, so after long conversations we made a plan that we felt was right for us. That was a huge weight off us. Money is now very very tight and I am very very stressed but I decided that I had to keep it together and do that 'keep calm and carry on' thing, so the flat is our sanctuary, looks the best it ever has, my freezer is full of meat and fish all bought on the yellow tickets, all veg and store cupboard items all from Lidl, cleaning stuff from B&M/Savers etc. I also take cash out with me, no cards, so much easier to track spending.

I wish you all the luck in world, life has sent us a bloody great curve ball but we WILL get through.x

Yes which is why I think in this case (and if OP is in that position - she may not be) looking at it like a 2 year option and then reassess at the 2 year point , depending on what the situation is at that point - either accept it’s looking at raising immediate cash by selling up or converting it to interest bearing and thus not increasing the amount if things have taken a turn for the better.

Citizens Advice can't help with a CV. But do ask them about managing any debts.
Sending out CVs is a bit random, tbh. Try jobs where vacancies are advertised and there is a fixed application form and interview process - they're more likely to be in the public and voluntary sectors. He may have to accept a change in direction, but view it as a chance to make a new start.

I agree with this.
OP, I know it's not what you want to hear, but this might be the way forward.
My DH is older - 62 when he was made redundant from a technical IT role - and he took the attitude that anything is better than nothing and it's easier to find a job when you're in a job.
Has he tried supermarket delivery driver, supermarket, postman-type jobs?
Being realistic, it's likely that his best years career-wise are behind him, so if you can afford it, I would look at less ambitious jobs. Sad but true.

I was made redundant just over a year ago and did find another job before the market got worse. I was lucky as my package included some advice. I would recommend:

1. make sure Linkedin is up to date and you have selected skills
2. focus on transferable skills
3. consider a skills based cv which pulls out transferable skills like project management, leadership, budgeting etc. with examples
4. de-age cv as much as possible
5. set up broad job alerts on LinkedIn without salary limits
6. update cv and cover letter to align to the role you are applying for using the exact words. As PP said ChatGpt is great at this
7. consider doing some charity work to get recent experience of working for/with others.
8. network network network every day

Good luck. It is really hard but not impossible.

Very good advice @TheDayBeforeYouCame

Do home dog boarding for people who don’t like kennels. It’s utterly insane how successful this is. I earn £3k to £4K a month doing this and it’s so easy!

This sounds interesting. Where do the dogs sleep? Do you have a dog at a time (or family dogs) and how much do you charge?

Please only answer what you a comfortable with. I don't wish to offend!

The media is a shitshow at the moment for jobs. I went to a virtual networking event on Thursday and they were 385 people there. When they created an area for "speed networking" every single person I spoke to was currently looking for work. Only one person was actually on a project and he was someone I used to know who had dm'd me.

They want young and cheap. A fair few of my friends have taken jobs at around 25% lower than their old salaries. Freelance rates at some companies are at 2010 levels. For people with years of solid experience and really great work history it's bloody insulting and infuriating.

@Onlyonesetoffootprints have you established there is a robust market for the type of therapy you are retraining in?

We went through this too . Scary times with sleepless nights . My DH of the time directly emailed people he had previously worked with in the industry. It must have been humbling but he did get short term contracts and eventually a job although at much lower pay .

I set myself a challenge to make things work on the reduced income but it was very hard not to get downhearted . Especially if you had kids at school . I found out about any extra things I could claim on their behalf and got things , like reduced transport and book vouchers . No one minds at all as so many people were in the same position.
Unfortunately it has long term effects as pensions were cashed in but you do what you have to do to survive . No point in having money for a future that might not happens when you are struggling on a daily basis. And ironically the less you have the more help you qualify for ..

Can anyone explain how AI is doing all this?

@Onlyonesetoffootprints Just offering support here. My experience seems to be my ex and I just speculatively wrote applications a few years back, and eventually one came through. But it was so demoralising. Also networking and being ok with taking lower. Ive helped a friend get a role after 3 years out of work. Shes gone from 1k a day to 300 a day, but it pays the bills

Aside from the job advice, if you are struggling financially is there any opportunity to downsize to take the pressure off, reduce cost of living, release equity etc. Even a potential plan to downsize may alleviate some of the stress knowing there could be an alternative strategy.

I started working with civil service at 52 - age discrimination is less but convoluted and lengthy recruitment process! Make sure you study the behaviours and values before application.
AI is prevalent in civil service as well - we have access, trained and are encouraged to use.
Most departments have to reduce costs by25% and have a recruitment freeze as well.

get him to look at higher or further education. Less age discrimination and they are not moving towards AI in the way other industries are.