Why the fuck do I bother?

[FedUpMessedAroundMum]

So I did everything 'right' or so to speak. I gave up my career to be a stay at home mum until they went to school, I took a back seat to his career to ensure I was there for every playdate, every sports day.
Every. Fucking. Thing.

He was a complete shite, I've finally got free of him after 23 years, and I am still the total dogs body. He still does nothing, they still adore him, he can do no wrong.

I still run around doing all school /college arrangements, all doctors, dentists, friends stuff.
They act like I'm a mild irritant in their life that they have to put up with, but would rather be free of.
I'm done with it. I'm so ready to tell them to just fuck off, except I love them body and soul.

Do anyone else feel like his? Just me?

It's a tough balance that I cannot get right.

My mum was seething with resentment my entire childhood/teenage years. She put on a good face but her whole body gave out stress and she was stressful to be around.

Now I'm a mother myself, I can see why. She honestly did SO MUCH, fucking superhuman. And my dad did NOTHING. But it actually traumatised me.

And I try not to be a martyr and not get stressed. But DH can be so fucking useless sometimes. So then I have to make up for it and get overwhelmed. And it's like I'm recreating my own fucking childhood and I don't know what is best - work myself into the ground and give DS the absolute best of everything OR chill out and neglect him? Will DS ever appreciate me? I don't know.

I wish I was a dad. Dads have it the best.