Boyfriend using bulk of his holiday allowance for ‘secret’ holiday with his mate

[Alicew5]

I’ve been with my boyfriend since early 2025, we had discussed plans for this year in terms of going abroad on holiday etc as we didn’t go away last year. He has 25 days holiday and 6/7 days are being used up for weddings which is fine so in theory he has ample left.

He has revealed to me, after I’ve been on about getting something booked, that ‘before we were serious’ he committed to his friend that he’d go to Asia (Thailand specifically) with him in November this year. This has never been mentioned to me before. The issue? It will use up nearly 3 weeks of his holiday allowance, meaning he won’t have enough to go abroad for at least a week with me.

He said he promised his mate and won’t let him down. His mate is going anyway - he goes there every year, usually solo! My BF said there isn’t a compromise with him going for a lesser duration, as it wouldn’t be cost effective that way and he’d not seen everything there is to see.

AIBU to feel this is selfish? We have been in a relationship for over a year so I feel like he isn’t making me a priority.

If he isn’t excited to spend some time on holiday with you at the lovely beginning exciting stage of a relationship …it doesn’t bode well. It’s that cliche “ he’s just not that into you” (sorry, that’s hard to face)
This would be settling in my mind OP, settling for less and disinterest …is that what you want?

You can go to Thailand and do neither and still have a great time.

I have been to the same place solo two years running. Also planning to go again in a few months.

same as those people who go AI to the same resort every single year

Oh come on. We all know why men make regular solo trips to Thailand.

You are being rather naive.

There was a series on TV recently called Thailand: The Dark Side of Paradise. It might still be available on iPlayer.

Get rid...selfish and doesnt care, wont get any better. You deserve more 🌸

So you are basing your assumption that all men go there for sex on a tv programme. How long have you actually spent on the ground in Thailand? To see things for yourself?

He’s made his choice. You make yours

Don't be silly.

Lovely. But are you male? Most single men travelling to Thailand are sex tourists. Are you? If not then your 6 weeks travelling is irrelevant to op. But more interestingly to me as am older female who travels independently how did you find it?

My partner’s friend spends about a third of the year in Thailand.

Personally, it’s a dealbreaker for me. Yes, it doesn’t automatically mean anything disgusting is going on, but no. Trust no man going to Thailand alone, to be quite honest.

It's great Go at least twice a year ( along with other countries in the region)

And I wouldn't say " most" solo male tourists are only there for sex tourism.. The young backpackers certainly aren't . From what I see the majority of sex tourists are older men

What is silly? The fact someone makes assumptions about someone they don't know due to a tv programme. Well yeah that's pretty silly tbh

He's not that in to you. Bin him and move on.

Agree.

People I know who go to Thailand regularly are into drugs and full moon party vibes. Some of them go alone because they know people out there and meet up with other hippy/rave types. They like to "get on it" and talk a load of mystic bollocks.

Not my scene, but it's what I associate with Thailand, although I'm perfectly aware that the sex tourism is a big draw out there too.

Th MMA training scene is the draw to Thailand for my son and several of his friends. They sign up for gyms with great training for an intensive few weeks. Is he into that sort of thing?

I suspect the OP's partner would not welcome that!

😆

Well I'd hope that in that situation if he wanted a trip.with his sexual partner it would be you...

It's deeply weird that you use the phrase "normal man." Imagine the face of the friend when it is suggested that a partner come on the holiday they had arranged together.

No it's not. Read that back "on the strength of no evidence i am going to assume..." Other women are telling you there is more to Thailand than sex but this thread continues to be so unimaginative it can't grasp that

I think if he values your relationship, the fair thing to do would be reduce the trip to 2 weeks. Otherwise you'll have been dating 2 years without a holiday (which, let's face it, are a good test for a relationship!). If his mate goes every year to Thailand anyway it won't matter to him.

If his friend keeps going back to Thailand then I would be suspicious. Yes it is beautiful but so are a lot of other places. You can go to Thailand for less than 3 weeks. I have been there 3 times and always for 2 weeks. I can’t believe that the OP has been in a ‘serious’ relationship for over a year and the promise of him going on holiday with his friend didn’t come up. I don’t think this relationship sounds in any way committed to by the boyfriend. I don’t know why people would continue in a relationship like this.

Probably been said already but can you join him in Thailand. So he spends maybe 10 days with his friend and then 10 days with you - perhaps moving on to a different country?

No, he hasn't made you a priority.
He doesn't want to let his mate down.
His mate who is usually happy to go on his own every year and has gone lots of times.
But he is perfectly happy to let you down.
No doubt you have many conversations about holidays over the last few months and he's only just mentioned this.
So a lie of omission. So early in the relationship.
Sorry but I'd say he's wasting your time. Hold out for someone who is in love with you. He is not.

And to those saying you can join in him Thailand. He hasn't suggested that. He doesn't sound like he wants it. She hasn't been invited.

I just don't know what your point is.

Of course there is more to Thailand than sex

But there is absolutely undeniable evidence that many men visit Thaikand for sex. Sex tourism is a real thing.

The fact I, and many others, assume there is a good chance that guys visting Thailand are possibly aex tourists does not mean there is not other aspects to the country. So what is your point?

It's what young men get up to in Thailand you should really be concerned about.

You are not in the same relationship he is. What you think the two of you have is simply a convenience for him. Unless you're really happy being a convenience, make plans to move out as soon as is viable.

The whole thing seems straightforward to me. If he had told you about this trip planned with a mate who happens to be single well beforehand and it'd be their first or second time travelling there, then there would have been time to reach a compromise, and his being honest with you would have demonstrated they're not going for sex.

But he only told you after you nagged him about bookings, and he thinks relationships need to be serious enough to be worth the occasional compromise - why did he keep a 3 week trip a secret? 1 year in holiday plans together should have come up.

This thread is not about how unfair it is that to Western people with their stigmatisation of prostitution Thailand = sex trade, this is about a solo guy travelling to Thailand every year, your partner is going with him and he basically kept it a secret. It's a bit sus.

Like it or not sex trade in Thailand is a billion $ industry, estimated to be making up 10% of their GDP. Brazil is big in the global sex trade too, but it has nothing to do with the topic of this thread. FWIW even expats who adore the country would probably side eye a single male who travels there every year.