To think that menopause talks at work might not be an entirely good thing?

[Wonderbug81]

We had a talk on menopause today at work. An outside speaker. About 10% of attendees were men (mainly younger) plus a mix of women of all ages.

The speaker went into a lot of detail about how debilitating perimenopause can be and the impact on work. She also talked through the support women can get both internally and through other orgs.

I know I should feel positive about all this but I couldn't help feeling that now people will just wonder whether any woman in their late 30s and above in our company (including me) is forgetting something or is 'off sick' because of their hormones.

I also feel a little uncomfortable that now, a lot more of my colleagues might now assume that if I am perimenopausal, I may have vaginal dryness and low libido among whatever else is wrong with me. Whether you have the symptoms or not it feels overly exposing and I have a couple of team members who would potentially exploit it as a vulnerability.

Please prove me wrong and tell me this is a positive move forward??

A lot depends on how it's done. Current employer has a menopause policy. Previous one didn't, because they said it's already covered by policies on managing chronic health conditions (an approach which makes more sense to me.)

It's good for women to know that some of what they're experiencing is down to menopause. It good for managers to have an awareness of how to deal with a staff member experiencing problems, same as if a staff member has a chronic bowel condition or a cancer diagnosis - what support is available, what adjustments can be made, do we have to accept everything that comes up? But also that it's not always as bad as some expect.

I’m amazed men ever recruit women to be honest - we’re sold to them as total hormonal wrecks who either are young enough to have a baby or are 50 and useless. While I understand the reasons behind the menopause awareness, I really do worry about the picture it’s painting.

I also don't understand what a menopause policy achieves that a general policy on reasonable adjustments doesn't. A couple of years ago someone I manage told me they were struggling with menopause-related insomnia, so I asked whether she had any ideas how I could support and we agreed a flexible start time. But that's exactly what I'd have done if it hadn't been menopause-related, too.

Yes exacrly. We have private healthcare through work. They don't cover for menopause but they will support any ailment caused by menopause e.g. anxiety, heart issues etc.

Workplaces could manage it in the same way, like you say.

Yeah if you have a moment where you forget something it's 'oh menopause'

Whereas for a man it's just 'meh'

totally agreed and the fact we are also told women cant make decisions they need men to do their thinking for them and need endless time off work, paid of course, because of any reason a woman can come up with

This will be super unpopular… but here goes.

No these types of talks are not a good thing for women. I spent my career as one of the few if not only women at the table. There is no way in hell I want anyone thinking in the back of their mind “ohhh she didn’t add the attachment to that email… must be menopause fog” or “gee she’s said that this project is shit… must be a menopause moment” when in all actuality I just forgot the fucking attachment and yes this project is shit at the moment and needs to be fixed.

All of these efforts to push women’s issues are just creating a divide. It’s fucking embarrassing.

Amen…

I hate it . It makes people think any woman over a certain age is not reliable. It’s also to personal. Accommodationsvia hr and privately is fine but this whole education thing for all is counterproductive imho.

I agree. It is great that support is available where women are struggling and that businesses are recognising some women may need adjustments but I do think we are potentially undoing decades of fighting for equality in the workplace by making it sound like all middle aged women become incapable of doing their job.

Hard agree. I’m 50 and so far the menopause has been kind to me. I’ve not been debilitated like many of the work talks suggest. I function entirely normally.

Although I was hot the other day and someone suggested it was the menopause, rather than a warm day and wearing a jumper….

I’m sick of women always being to blame for something.

Dong… ding.. ding… This is exactly the problem

We recently had a round of redundancies and a number of people commented that the vast majority were women in their late 40s…

I declined the invitation to one of these talks when it turned out to be a bloke giving it.

If anybody's going to be talking in a crowded, overheated room (with men in there as well) about the clitoris going on strike and the labia majora disappearing when not itching like there are a thousand fire ants up your foof, I'd really rather it not be a 26 year old whose only experience of the entire process was his Mum's hot flushes when he was taking his A Levels.

I wouldn't expect blokes to listen to a woman lecturing them with a crappy powerpoint deck about what it feels like to have prostate trouble or how to check their bollocks for lumps and varicose veins and it's fine to go to the GP if they can't get it up anymore. We shouldn't have to put up with the 'I'm such a Good Guy, I even teach people about Menopause' types.

I see a lot of posters on here talking about how they have bad memories and they are basically a bit dotty because of menopause or per menopause and then they turn out to be 45 or whatever

I would find it annoying enough if people thought that about me in the workplace at 70! I bet nobody said it about Clint Eastwood when he was directing films in his 80s - "oh he's a bit dotty it's his age".

So why are there some women encouraging these thoughts? And when do they think the next stage will be in their career? Do they think people will be falling over themselves to hire someone age 60?

It's good to see so many understanding remarks on here. I'm sure it's been discussed before and I didn't dare to comment because people were furious that you wouldn't want to talk about menopause at work. I didn't want to talk about contraception at work either. Sometimes managing that can be difficult and you've got to go to work with side effects.

Exactly this. I’m 55 so been through it. I have also recently been moved within my workplace to take on a more demanding role that I have never done before, doing something I’m passionate about - thankfully they didn’t decide I was past it!

It is horribly patronising.

Yeah I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss vaginal dryness and libido in a professional situation.

To be honest I think the whole menopause thing has gone too far, both in work and generally. I'm looking at you Davina Mcall.

It feels like it's everywhere now. More information is good, but it's gone too far and creates fear for women on how bad it will be

as well as another way to mark women out as lesser

We never hear about men's prostate issues or dropping testosterone levels . Why not have talks about how men need understanding because they need to wee more or feel less confident?

I'm 53 and don't feel menopause had any impact on work. If anything i am now more successful than I've ever been. I have a confidence I previously didn't have.

I also think the numerous symptoms supposedly attributed to menopause could just as easily be life..

Some women suffer of course, but the vast majority don't.

I've said this for years. Its a bad idea and will come back to bite us. Its just another stick to beat us with.

It would be ok if you also got prostate talks telling you that older men might need to nip to the loo more frequently than others or talks on men's hormones and the impact they have on the workplace.

Surely your workmates have better things to do than wonder about your possible vaginal dryness?

“Halfblindbunny · Yesterday 18:52
Honestly I'm glad someone else has had this thought. I'm glad there is recognition of the problems that it may cause some women and that there is more help available now than previous generations have had. However the way this is being dealt with in my workplace is, I feel, putting equality in the workplace back by a few decades. It now seems to be the general opinion that as soon as a woman hits early 40s they are a ticking time bomb for needing allowances made as to their ability to do their job, learn new skills, even attend work everyday. When reality is women have been holding down jobs and going through the menopause for a long time now and if anything women of today are better equipped to do that successfully than they have ever been before.”

I agree with this. I’m mid-50s and post-menopausal and loving life. My main symptom during menopause was stress so i was lucky overall. My old workplace which was a fab place with very considerate management also went a bit overboard and put posters up in our work kitchens listing menopause symptoms including dry vagina which i just thought was an unnecessarily personal symptom to put up there (and i speak as a massive oversharer).

The whole mindset of the corporate world (and society actually) is that the male default is the “normal” and anything women have to deal with is “other” and problematic. You can imagine what many men really think.

I cannot stand the constant need to portray women as victims and this is a good example of this.
There are whole industries built around 'supporting' women deal with their percieved issues and they show no signs of abating.
My generation (i am 59) fought for equality in the workplace but we seem to be edging towards demanding special treatment.