To think that menopause talks at work might not be an entirely good thing?

[Wonderbug81]

We had a talk on menopause today at work. An outside speaker. About 10% of attendees were men (mainly younger) plus a mix of women of all ages.

The speaker went into a lot of detail about how debilitating perimenopause can be and the impact on work. She also talked through the support women can get both internally and through other orgs.

I know I should feel positive about all this but I couldn't help feeling that now people will just wonder whether any woman in their late 30s and above in our company (including me) is forgetting something or is 'off sick' because of their hormones.

I also feel a little uncomfortable that now, a lot more of my colleagues might now assume that if I am perimenopausal, I may have vaginal dryness and low libido among whatever else is wrong with me. Whether you have the symptoms or not it feels overly exposing and I have a couple of team members who would potentially exploit it as a vulnerability.

Please prove me wrong and tell me this is a positive move forward??

Very mixed feelings about it. I like the idea of providing health info at work as it's a good way to reach people. Endless blogs/awareness meetings in general very unhelpful and distracting.

I'm right in the thick of menopause, my boss and immediate colleagues are about the same age and stage so going through it too (one sent me a wee gift of a portable desk fan - brilliant!) but it's not a big topic at work and I personally don't want it to be.

I had bad symptoms but they are controlled now. If they weren't, then that means a conversation with my doc and potentially my boss, but nobody else unless I choose too. There's a danger of making it sound like we all go doolally from 45 on and that's not the case.

See also mental health months and grief support. Managers should have the info for those struggling but it doesn't need to be in your face.

“menopause is SHIT, you will hate it, you will put on weight and forget your own name and your GP will be a total bastard to you”

Totally love this!

It would be like us all attending a joint workplace talk on testicular atrophy, it’s cause, effects and how to manage it in the workplace…😃

@Wonderbug81 I can only see the benefit of educating management, so they know they have to at least ‘fake’ empathy. Without education they would just sweep it under the rug as rubbish.

Other than management - those directly in charge of employees on a day-to-day basis - no other male colleagues should be informed unless us women wish to tell them. It’s none of their business and I’m pretty sure they’d prefer it that way too.

Agree

there's a big difference between companies having support available and actually just talking about it in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable

Someone's mentioned heavy periods in 30s I don't know why that would be considered part of perimenopause some people just have horrendous periods are we saying that some women really don't know that? If so then isn't it the kind of thing that should be taught in schools rather than in the workplace?

Again our sessions didn't say anything about super heavy periods in that age group

In fact, I don't think that is considered part of perimenopause but I have noticed they seem to have extended the age, probably because it enables them to sell more wellness shit to women.

Our lot love to distribute little promo trinkets and leaflets on our desks for various company events

One day all the middle aged looking women came to work to find menopause awareness usb fans on our desks 🙄😂

I mean, bless them for trying, but still!

Does no one else feel that they just got a sense of gravitas and real seniority at work? And people really value your experience.

And then this undermines that

I'm thinking a lot about it because in theory I can afford to retire. I think. I'm not actually 100% sure. But I'm not working at the moment and I hate the idea that if I try to apply for things, people will be thinking "don't hire a woman at this age".

There is definitely a TikTok/Instagram influencer push to say that peri menopause begins in your 30s when in reality it can do but it's unlikely. Strangely these posts are the same ones trying to either sell something or gain followers.

Noooooo

how did they decide who looked the right age?! I presume in reality they went through records - which they shouldn't be doing anyway.

That sounds like discrimination to me, actually.

@Halfblindbunny oh okay
Bloody TikTok

I quite like Insta, but it normally just sells me clothes because that's really what I'm there for!

Have they heard of age discrimination?

People who are unwell deserve support.
Why people who are unwell with menopause need separating out & special treatment I cannot understand.

I also feel like this - more awareness isn't inherently bad, but I feel like there's a bit of an underlying suggestion that not much can be expected of women over 45 and that they'll need constant accommodation. I also - and I recognise this is a selfish perspective - find it quite personally depressing. I'm late 30s, feel like I'm just getting my mojo back after the little kids' years, and I feel like I'm constantly surrounded with messages that my life will very soon be hell...

It’s been really positive where I work. Our company is 80% male and we’ve had really good feedback. Our male CEO and CFO did a week trial with heat vests, and tens machines to mimic hot flushes and pain, and they drank loads of water before bed so they’d had to get up in the night. They kept a vlog and they found it enlightening and made them more sympathetic. A lot of the men said they found it really useful to be able to support their partners too. We’ve also done a lot about men’s mental health as our industry has a high male suicide rate. We are a progressive company though and discrimination is not tolerated and it’s created a mush more welcoming and open environment.

We’ve also put in a lot of effort with new parents (both male and female), to give them some slack from being constantly knackered, and we increased our paid paternity leave and actively encourage men to take it up.

Edited to say it’s had a big impact on the usual team bonding activities we do. So no more orienteering in the middle of nowhere with no toilets - also good for those with bowels disease as well as flooding!

Great post, it’s only really debilitating for some. Most of us get through puberty, pregnancy, periods with no trouble but some really suffer.
It feels like scaremongering sometimes, I’m sick of hearing about it all the time.

To be fair, it's totally possible at some point I ticked a box on some employee wellbeing survey that said "yes I'd like information about menopause please" and didn't think about it again, and in the background it churned through the various layers of employee engagement for months and got turned into "yes please put a promotional menopause fan on my desk when I'm not there".

Knowing my company that is a scenario I can very much see happening.

What a refreshing thread. There was one a couple of years ago where everyone seemed to think menopause “awareness” should be banged on about at work and women should be allowed special treatment, time off, etc.

I think I was alone in being horrified and thinking that this is a bad idea. Sure, anyone who is unwell for any reason should have time off, but the possibility that middle aged women become generally regarded as useless, dotty and unwell is a real risk. Wanging on about the problems of menopause can only increase discrimination against women.

I am post menopause myself and had problems with anxiety and insomnia, but nothing that affected work or anyone else.

I actually started the same thread about 6 years ago, when my employers introduced a menopause policy and training.

I was torn to shreds 🤣 Funny how things change.

I’m disabled.

should employers not organise talks about disability awareness in case the increased awareness leads to more discrimination?

should employers not organise talks about prostate cancer in case women begin to see any man over 50 as likely to have cancer and treat him with sympathy?

Totally agree
I am sure people host them with good intentions but I think they are hugely problematic

Why on earth are they discussing vaginal dryness and libido at work? I assume you don’t all work in a brothel, so how is it relevant?

Anyway, YANBU, I never want to be treated any differently from male co-workers. I even despise workplaces that don’t have equal parental leave allowance for men and women.

I agree - now it’s not just child bearing age women who are being judged for their hormones.

Really? 😁That's so interesting. I am grateful that someone can say 'perimenopause' and people of all ages are more likely to know what it is now but I just think it's swung too far the other way.

I completely agree. Its absolutely everywhere at the moment.

Yes the awareness is good but its starting to feel like a kind of endless biological determinism for women. You start menstruation = you’re hysterical and unreliable. You have children = you’re unfocused and want to be at home. You’re menopausal = you’re a whinging, dried up husk with the memory of a demented goldfish. Then you’re really old and no one sees you.

My pet hate at the moment is people attributing absolutely everything to “peri”, whether a cold or their husband cheating.

I can’t see what purpose is served by a “menopause talks”: it makes women feel as if they’re disabled and reinforces the view of men that we’re constantly limited by our bodies.

i think things have to reach the peak before the reversal starts!