To be so hurt and angry about this?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

So, bit of a long story but I’ll try and summarise.

I started a new job as an assistant manager in a retail outlet about a year ago. Unbeknownst to me, the manager was planning on winding down as they have been a manager in the company for 20+ years and are looking to retire soon so they began ‘grooming’ me to be their replacement. It started slowly with me gradually taking on more responsibilities and them making little comments here and there about me taking over but eventually about a month before they left I was officially asked to step up to manager.

To be honest this wasn’t really on my radar at the time and I was fine being the assistant as I have no previous managerial experience but I thought I may as well give it a go but the expectation seemed very much (from them and head office) that I would say yes.

I wasn’t given much additional training once it became ‘official’ as I was being gradually given more tasks in the months beforehand but eventually they left and I took over. Once they did I found a number of things that hadn’t been completed that I had no knowledge about and had to learn it all on my own, plus I added a number of organisational tools and documents that I complied in my own time to make everything run smoothly.

For the last 6 months I have been running the store and everything seemed ok, both in store staff and upper management seemed happy and there were no major issues (as far as I knew). I had a review at 3 months and it was said that, although I was doing a good job it was the quietest time of the year as so they didn’t feel it was long enough for me to really demonstrate my skills. Fair enough, as I have no previous experience I accepted this and felt a few more months would sufficiently demonstrate that I knew what I was doing.

Fast forward to last month, and the store started a promotion that entailed giving out free products, only the website and all the supporting infrastructure that was supposed to be in place didn’t work and it was absolute bedlam. I also only had a week’s notice that this was happening and I had previously booked annual leave during this time. We were short staffed, overwhelmed, and unsupported by upper management as the relevant people I should have been able to reach out to for help were all on holiday or unavailable. By some miracle I managed to pull everything off and we worked it out, I even had a member of head office in store one day who commended me on how well I handled it.

I had another review the other day, earlier than I was told (with zero notice) and basically I am being demoted back to assistant and the previous manager is coming back to take over and get things running as upper management feel they should be. Essentially it came down to we weren’t taking enough money and somehow I am being blamed. I should add at this point the store is in a very seasonal/touristy location and so sales are always lower over the winter. Some places actually close completely over Jan/Feb as it isn’t worth the cost of staff hours for them to stay open.

Aibu to feel so incredibly hurt and angry about this? Being completely honest, even though I never wanted or expected this promotion I am heartbroken that I took it really seriously, put 100% effort in and it still wasn’t enough. I genuinely went above and beyond and now I feel like a huge failure. How do I continue to work there when I feel so humiliated at having to be ‘bailed out’ and when I feel that the complaints they had weren’t even anything I actually have control over? Do I just need to accept that actually I’m a crappy manager or are they being unfair and expecting too much from me?

Apologies in advance if I’m not the most coherent, I had 4hrs of sleep last night wondering about how to tell all my staff and wondering what my future might look like.

It's good to want to climb or if you get an opportunity take it .. not sure how old you are I took on a senior role early 40's I'm 51 now it's just an utter nightmare dealing with shit because that's all it is.. so glad I no longer do this and definitely don't feel the need to prove myself.
They use people I'd leave .

I had a similar experience. I was a team leader and was doing the job of the manager but they wouldn’t make it official as it was cheaper to pay me a miserly extra amount than to recruit. I left. And should have left months earlier.

Retail can be brutal. Good for you for making the most of it: you put a lot into it and can hold your head high. Agree with PPs, use the experience you gained to update your CV and seek a better position elsewhere.

My hunch is that retirement didn't pan out as your predecessor hoped, she has asked to come back, and that it hasn't actually got anything to do with your lack of performance at all.

This.
Very unlikely that someone would come back after they had retired otherwise.

I went through something similar in a job years ago OP, it really is gutting when it happens to you, isn't it?

The difference is that I took over the management role when my manager left at short notice due to her husband's job move. I did every single thing that was expected of me, but the owner fell for the charms of a dolly bird, and so offered her what I considered to be MY job, and told me that my running the place was only ever intended to be short term until he found someone else! The thing that really got to me though, was that she had absolutely no experience of the trade we were in, or of management, so I was then expected to train HER!! I'm afraid my thoughts were, 'fuck that for a game of soldiers', so I immediately applied for other jobs, and left within a month, having been extremely vague about as much as possible. The store which had been going for several years, closed down less than a year later. A huge cost for letting his head be ruled by his cock!! I still feel that it served the bastard right, lol

I would say that not giving you support in your new role or any target expectations, alongside them "clearly no longer having faith in your ability" to do a role you've already been doing for what sound like nine months is probably grounds to suggest constructive dismissal.

I would definitely be looking for another job and putting Manager down from September 2025. When asked why you left this role say that believed you'd accept demotion when the old Manager wanted to come back.

A good friend of mine spent several years working for a family owned business, she was brilliant at her job and they did treat her well too and she was promoted to a senior role - until their daughter got married and they wanted to give my friend's job to their new son in law.

Absolutely illegal, my friend was furious and hurt, but also needed a new job, and her bosses were hugely influential in that industry (hospitality) in the region. She couldn't afford to piss them off. Not right, not fair, but real life.

They were quite upfront with her, gave her a lot of support and excellent references and she did well, but sometimes it's about something or someone else other than you.

Maybe your former manager is close to the big boss, maybe they know they are treating you unfairly. Use that, but keep it very businesslike and you may get something else out of it. You have a big plus on your CV maybe make it clear that you will go quietly in return for some stocking references, but keep the personal stuff out of it.

Take it on the chin. Keep quiet and find a new job.

Take it on the chin. Keep quiet and find a new job.

My initial thought after finding out was that I would immediately start looking for another job as I was so angry about the whole thing. Unfortunately pickings are very slim and being in a touristy town means a lot of jobs are seasonal and/or very low paid.

I’m going to stay put for now and just look for something else in the meantime but I’m not going to hold my breath or do anything drastic right now.

The petty part of me wants to act relieved when the old manager comes back and make passive aggressive remarks about how it’s been so stressful and difficult trying to manage everything while being understaffed and not having an assistant manager and how it’ll be great to be able to take a step back..but I also don’t want to create any bad feelings despite how hurt I am. I’m also not sure how honest I should be with any of the upper management about how upset I am - not that I think it would actually make any difference!

Part of what I’m worried about how is what happens in the future? It’s been implied that the old manager will not be staying permanently but I’ve been given no timescale or indication as to whether they expect me to take over again after that happens. If it does I’m strongly inclined to say no as how could I ever trust they wouldn’t do this again? But could they demote me again if I say no? I hate the uncertainty but maybe it’s too preemptive to speculate about that now.

I really don't think it would be unreasonable of you to turn the job down if they ask you to take over again OP.

On the other hand, you could use the way they've treated you as a negotiating tool if they do, for example you could say something along the lines of, 'well if I do accept the job, then THIS TIME I want a contract stating my position as MANAGER, from day one, with no trial period, as you know that I can do the job, and I would want a much better pay rise, as quite honestly for the amount of work involved, the money you were paying me last time, wasn't really worth it'.