AIBU for expecting to 'sleep in' every day?

[SpeedyBulletTrain]

My partner and I have two children, aged nearly 3 years and 4 weeks old. I'm a SAHM and partner works a standard 9-5. Our newborn is exclusively breastfed so I've been doing all the night wakes/feeds/nappy changes etc, of which there are many but I'm happy to do it all as there's no point in us both being up. Since baby was born my partner has been waking up with the 2yo at around 6:45 (sometimes earlier, sometimes later) and getting her breakfast sorted + doing some household chores and getting himself ready in the morning. I've been getting up around 7:45 with the baby, getting baby changed and dressed, getting clothes for the toddler, and dressing myself (literally 5mins, no shower, no makeup etc) before coming down to take over with toddler before he leaves for work at 8:30. The last couple of weeks he is constantly mentioning that he lets me have a 'lie in' every morning. I'll tell him I appreciate it as it means I get enough sleep to function the next day when I'm looking after both kids, but the constant half-complaints about me sleeping in every day are really starting to irritate me. Every time we see friends or family he'll talk about how he gets toddler ready every morning while I have a lie in. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that he's not doing me a special favour letting me 'sleep in', he's surely just doing his basic responsibility as a parent??

Playing devil's advocate here... But he may be mentioning it at family get togethers because it helps him feel like he's being of some use? I exclusively breastfed our children and my husband was so aware of how little he could do to help with the nights. With our second, he was so pleased when my eldest finally let him put her to bed and would talk about it a lot, along with other things he'd do with her. It may be coming from a place of pride that he's actually able to do something to help with the kids, and also maybe a bit of self consciousness that he can't help much, especially overnight

🎼 manchild playing softly in the background 🎶

Is that even true? I breastfed mine for 2 and 4 years respectively, but the shock of being woken 5 times some nights was almost physically painful

My DP used to say the same, then at about 9pm I started saying “when would you like to sleep in the next 24hours and when would you like me to sleep? You can sleep at night or have a lay in your choice”. I would then text him good morning when I woke for every night feed, and then good night when I settled baby again. It took 3 nights before he went to bed at 8 and then got up in the morning with toddler and scooped baby out of my bed and let me sleep. Hasn’t mentioned a lay in since.

I dont really understand the point of OP "letting him sleep through the night" the baby is exclusively breastfed which wouldve been OPs decision... he cant exactly do that in the middle of night can he 😂😂 - bottle feeding hasnt even been brought up in ops posts...

Tell him you're happy to swap and he can do all the overnight stuff with the baby and have his lie-ins in the morning.

What, even though he's the breadwinner and holding down a full time job? That'll go well when he loses his job because he's permanently knackered, won't it?

With WHAT BREASTS!!! op has chosen to exclusively breeastfeed that means volunteering for nights !

When I was on maternity leave I woke with babybm for feeding throughout the night, and in the morning we had another feed and I slept until she woke up. DH slept in another room. I grabbed all the sleep I coudl get. If he's up and able to do rhis, that's his contribution and he needs to get over it.

I would say that’s fine, how about you do 12-3 overnight with baby. I’ll wake you we swap rooms and baby does not need a feed for one 3 hour burst overnight so just nappy changes and walking them around back to sleep, then I’ll get up with our toddler.

and if he won’t do that then no dice on the mornings.

Lie in, ha ha ha, I was reading thinking you were going to say gone nine, quarter to eight isn't a lie in. Breastfeeding is tiring, he needs to wind his neck in. Perhaps he'd benefit from getting up every time you do in the night. What a Muppet

depending on the age, babies can go multiple hours without feeding overnight. Not if they’re tiny and underweight obviously, but if not feed them and hand them over and their dad can cuddle them for a few hours.

At four weeks old youd let a crying unsettled baby just not feed to prove a point?

Alternativelt Why would op wake up, feed the baby and then hand it over for her partner to finish off?? Then theyre both awake for no reason. This is part and parcel of choosing this feeding method.

That is fucking bewildering behaviour.

This

Unless he is operating heavy machinery/performing surgery at work it is actually the OP who has the more life-and-death role if she makes a slip-up due to exhaustion.

That's funny because my brother is the breadwinner holding down a full-time job but he still wakes up with his daughter alternative nights. He recognises how much work his wife does looking after a toddler and a baby all alone during the day. He hasn't lost his job yet.

You get woke up throughout the night to feed the baby, whilst he sleeps all night, then he thinks he a hero for getting up a whole hour earlier than you. Lol.

Do you realise what operating heavy machinery means

He gets to sleep all night anyway so it doesn’t matter what his job is.

Does he want a medal for doing it, he should want to do it so you get some rest also. Its called being a parent.

Can you make a deal where he wakes up with you to feed the baby everytime you wake up and you wake up with him to look after the toddler? That way both of you can both be equally sleep deprived and call it even.

Suggest taking it in turns, he can wake up and attend to the baby through the night with expressed milk and you'll get up with the toddler.
You might not want to do this but he doesn't have to know that, the idea is to let him choose.

He can't complain if he's literally chosen to get up with the toddler because he will choose that over waking in the night.

It's actually sad that he doesn't sound like he'll choose the harder option to help you out. You're body is still recovering, let alone breastfeeding and looking after two young children throughout the day (and night).

This!
He is an asshole.

Tell him every morning how often you were up in the night. And if he moans again tell him he is welcome to swap if he fancies being woken up x times per week.