AIBU for expecting to 'sleep in' every day?

[SpeedyBulletTrain]

My partner and I have two children, aged nearly 3 years and 4 weeks old. I'm a SAHM and partner works a standard 9-5. Our newborn is exclusively breastfed so I've been doing all the night wakes/feeds/nappy changes etc, of which there are many but I'm happy to do it all as there's no point in us both being up. Since baby was born my partner has been waking up with the 2yo at around 6:45 (sometimes earlier, sometimes later) and getting her breakfast sorted + doing some household chores and getting himself ready in the morning. I've been getting up around 7:45 with the baby, getting baby changed and dressed, getting clothes for the toddler, and dressing myself (literally 5mins, no shower, no makeup etc) before coming down to take over with toddler before he leaves for work at 8:30. The last couple of weeks he is constantly mentioning that he lets me have a 'lie in' every morning. I'll tell him I appreciate it as it means I get enough sleep to function the next day when I'm looking after both kids, but the constant half-complaints about me sleeping in every day are really starting to irritate me. Every time we see friends or family he'll talk about how he gets toddler ready every morning while I have a lie in. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that he's not doing me a special favour letting me 'sleep in', he's surely just doing his basic responsibility as a parent??

Yanbu he is taking the piss. Pump and get him to do the night and see how long he thinks that ‘lie in’ is a treat for.
the absolute tosser you’re 4 weeks pp

Honey I've thought about it and decided we should swap schedules for a week, you absolutely shouldn't have to get no lie ons so Tues, Thurs. Saturday I'm going to get up with the toddler. It'll be a learning curve to get baby taking a bottle for you but I'm sure you'll manage in return for those low ina. No no, do not worry about me, I'll cope losing those lie ina because I love you so much and like you I value fairness.

So to be clear, he thinks you should be up through the night with the baby AND get up at the same time as him on the morning to deal with both children while he.... does what?

I wouldn’t say 07.45 is a lay in as you have no doubt been up many times in the night…

in my opinion you are deffo not being unreasonable here

He is just so unrealistic !!! He hasn’t realised that having children affects your life.
I think you need to have a conversation with him about expectations. And maybe don’t expect him to do household chores in the morning? Or just a bit less for peace keeping? Toddler stage is indeed tricky.
forgot to add that it’s definitely not a lay in, it’s just a partial catch up.

This tit for tat race to the bottom competitive tiredness bollocks is terrible for relationships.

OP, a conversation and a reminder that you have a broken nights sleep every single night of your life is required.

Not trashing each other in front of people. One of you has to be the grown up here and unfortunately it ain’t him.

Absolutely this^^

and when he says it in company tag on how grateful you are he has taken over getting up with 2 year old at 6.45 as that has always exclusively been your job and that extra hour following a broken night with baby is so needed. That hour you get in bed more than cancels out the fact you exclusively do night shift so you can get up at 7.45. Particularly as your body endured giveing birth not so long ago and is still recovering. Dead pan face, let the facts speak for themselves.

what a twunt

Write down every night duty - every feed, every nappy, every muslin change, every minute spent burping. Add up how many hours you actually had lying down and how many likely asleep. Write it up on a piece of paper in the shape of the giant raised middle finger and present it to him.

7.45 is not a lie in. that’s a normal getting up time for most people who have kids. Does your 2 year old need to get up a full hour earlier than you and the baby? I would be leaving them to sleep longer as well.

I'd be waking him up every single time to tell him in the moment 😂

Yes even if she doesn’t want to pump he can change and burp, she can even sleep with her boob out and he can hold the baby while she sleeps.

j would be so angry and petty. There would be no way he wasn’t feeling the other side

6.45 isn't even that early. My DC are at primary school and I'm up at 6.15 every morning to get ready and sorted for the day, apart from Tuesday's when I get up at 5.40am to go to reformer. If he's tired he should go to bed earlier.

I didn't find the jump from 1-2 difficult but my DH did - I've never seen him so tired. What a shame, poor lamb 🙄

My DP was a little like this at one point. Now our toddlers wake him up between 5-6:30 and I sometimes stay in bed as I do the night shif. We had words.make him realise how much you are doing.

Russiandollsaresofullofthemselves
7.45 is not a lie in. that’s a normal getting up time for most people who have kids. Does your 2 year old need to get up a full hour earlier than you and the baby? I would be leaving them to sleep longer as well.

I don’t agree with op’s dh but 7.45 is a lie in for everyone I know with toddlers, babies and older, must people I know are up 7 or well before. In fact for many of us when we had toddlers we were struggling to convince toddlers not to be up around the 5 mark!! With school and work now we all have to be up at 7. Saying that op’s dh isn’t up over the night with a baby but I do think it is good that he’s up and getting the older child up, a lot of women have to deal with the baby and older child (not saying it’s ok that they do but op’s dh isn’t doing nothing).

Give him a couple of bottles and tell him he's doing the night shift.

Tell him you will swap, he can do the baby all night and you will get the toddler ready. Bit you absolutely have to let him sort the baby and not come to his rescue.

Ugh. Another dick head :(

Yes, this.

He has a new baby and is sleeping all through the night, uninterrupted, as you're doing 100% of the care.

He is lucky to have you. You are a supermum and superwife.

Now he’s having to do more than 10% of the parenting, he’s showing he’s a shit parent.

It’s sadly common.

Okey doke, let him swap for a night then. At this point in DS2's life, DH packed me off to the spare room and did the night shift with the newborn and the bottle of expressed milk.

DS2 refused the bottle, and sleep, but DH stuck with it until 6am because he's also a fucking parent.

Might do your twat of a DH good to try the other side of the job?

This irritates me, correct him openly and say it’s not a lie in it’s a catch up sleep of which you don’t get enough of!!

7.45am isn't even a lie in! Suggest he does half the night instead!

He needs fo get up at least once during the night to feed and change baby; get children up and fed in the morning; or just let all of you sleep while he gets ready.

Who does he say it in front of because if my DS said it in front of me, I’d laugh at him and tell him to get a grip.

He’s being absolutely ridiculous. I agree with writing down every time you wake up for a week, then give it to him. Hopefully it’ll shut him up.

When our DC were a similar age and we operated a similar routine, my DH bought me a Fitbit to prove I was getting more sleep than him. I wasn’t, my lay ins were bringing me up to the same amount as him, but obviously was still broken sleep. He soon shut up!