DH leaving toddlers alone in the bath

[Hundredsplendedsums]

DC are nearly 4 and 2. DH usually does their bathtime as we have another baby.

The last few nights I’ve noticed him put them in the bath then come downstairs, yesterday it was to look for his iPad and today it was to vacuum the floor! I got really annoyed and said I would not leave them alone, he said I was overreacting and that I ‘do it all the time’ (I definitely do not and would not leave them unattended in the bath).

IANBU am I?!

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I would find some guidance - ROSPA might have some - and also tell him you are simply not going to back down, because this is over the line into 'wilfully neglectful parenting'.

Massively negligent and dangerous. (Especially the hoovering which will block out their voices).

Call the HV and tell her, ask her to speak to him and explain the dangers.

This is awful - when he is hoovering he can't even hear if something happens! My youngest is 5 now, and I wouldn't go further than the bedroom next to the ensuite from her. YANBU.

It's pretty basic that you don't let under fives out of your sight when they're in the bath. Nipping into the next room to fetch pyjamas, fine. It's the work of seconds. Chores on a different floor, definitely not.

Typo

Completely 100% unacceptable. You’re not overreacting at all, it takes seconds to drown.

There have been a couple of occasions when I have gone into their room to get pjs or realised we don’t have a towel but they are in sight all the time. I definitely would not go downstairs!

That is to put it bluntly fucking stupid and in your place I’d go ballistic. He only needs to google toddler drowned in bath to see examples every year - and those are just the ones that make the news. See this one for example: https://www.itv.com/news/wales/2024-05-15/toddler-3-died-in-bath-accident-after-she-turned-taps-on-unattended absolutely tragic, the poor mum who also was “tidying up” just like your H.

Of course YANBU. I’m assuming/hoping the one YABU at this point was a mistake, this is such a bloody basic safety issue. Vacuuming …wtf was he thinking?

YANBU

Popping out of the room briefly to grab something, fine. But going downstairs absolutely not. And hoovering...so he couldn't even hear them is absolutely insane!

I have a just turned 5 year old and a 1.5 year old. They bath together. A couple of weeks ago my toddler went floppy in the bath and had a febrile convulsion. Even with the 5 year old there, if I’d not been in arms reach he would have slipped under the water . It happened in seconds an the paramedics were there within 3 minutes. If I’d been distracted and gone to do chores, I’d have missed it.

it’s so important to stay in arms reach particularly with two that are playing and it can get slippy.

The highest rate of deaths of children. Is drowning in the bath.

My 2 year old has recently learnt to jump and started doing it in the bath, I’m worried it would take seconds for her to slip and bang her head!

When I was pregnant with DC1 16 years ago the NHS ran ads in the hospital for precisely this. They showed a mum leaving her toddler to answer a phone call and I think it said “never leave a child unattended in the bath, it takes seconds to drown”.

I didn’t leave my DC alone in the bath till they were about 6. I don’t think I would have done regardless but that ad scared me to death.

Oh yes my DS once stood up in the bath and leaned over to grab a toy. He slipped, cut his chin open and had to have stitches. Has a small scar. Doesn’t help it reopened when he ran across a wet floor on holiday and had to be restitched but yeah. I don’t know why your DH even risks it, he could sit on the loo on his iPad.

Definitely do not do this you will be reported to social services as your husbands behaviour is neglect.

Your replies aren't filling me with confidence OP. Your children simply cannot be left alone at this age. Your husband has to be on the same page otherwise you know you will have to do bathtime.

If he won't change whats the point of him?

Drowning is silent, and fast. He's being hugely negligent and frankly I'd never leave him to supervise bathtime again. He sounds the sort to continue to leave them through some perverse need to prove he's right.

I'm afraid my immediate thought was that if, god forbid, something happened to your younger child then your older child would carry that with them for life.

Yanbu at all I have 3 the oldest are 4 and 6 (youngest is a few months ) but I sit with mine while they bath . Oldest is nearly
7 and I occasionally go into my bedroom when he’s in the bath to to fold clothes but I talk to him or listen out . I was sitting in there last year with four year old and I was watching something on my phone and she slipped under! I felt awful! I wouldn’t leave them at that age

Very dangerous behaviour. Never let him bath them again. Under 6 years they could die in seconds!

Diddums clearly thinks the chore of bathing his children is beneath him.

Go absolutely ballistic, and if you can get any reliable relatives of his to back you up, get them to peel rashers off him too.

Do not back down! You are 1000% right here and he couldn't be more in the wrong.

I’d be wondering how else he’s neglecting them in his care if he thinks this is ok!
I’d be alarmed frankly.

Vacuum the floor? I’d be fuming. Coming for an ipad not too bad as seconds, but hoovering and not even able to hear the kids. No. I’d just do it myself as I would not trust him.

What an idiot. I'd never leave them with him for bathing again. I don't know why he can't understand the risk he is putting them at?Either one could slip. It's not fair to leave that responsibility on them.

Yanbu

100%
If he doesn't realise why, he shouldn't be bathing them

Madness