DH leaving toddlers alone in the bath

[Hundredsplendedsums]

DC are nearly 4 and 2. DH usually does their bathtime as we have another baby.

The last few nights I’ve noticed him put them in the bath then come downstairs, yesterday it was to look for his iPad and today it was to vacuum the floor! I got really annoyed and said I would not leave them alone, he said I was overreacting and that I ‘do it all the time’ (I definitely do not and would not leave them unattended in the bath).

IANBU am I?!

It is neglect though?

Yes

Show him this thread. He's being an absolute idiot!

Jesus Christ.
To hoover?! So he can't even hear them.
That's utterly idiotic.

Show him the (many) stories in the media of toddlers drowning in baths

As so many others have said, definitely not OK. He's abdicating his parental responsibilities to a nearly 4 year old who is going to have no idea what drowning looks because lots of adults don't have a clue that drowning is silent and rapid either.

Seriously? Of course it's neglect! Children can and have drowned in seconds!

Dont let him bath your precious babies. It is neglect

What nonsense!

HV will simply explain why that is a bad idea and ask mum to monitor. SS haven't got time to deal with one off minor issues.

How can he POSSIBLY think this is okay? Aren't there still adverts everywhere about not leaving small children alone in the bath (or anywhere near water come to that)?

Either that or this is weaponised incompetence.

YANBU I got anxious just reading this!

YANBU. I know of someone who's grandchild died in exactly these circumstances. I think the kids were 3 & 5, left alone in the bath and the 3 year old drowned while the 5 year old was in the bath with them. Can you imagine the pain that family is in?

Coming down to hoover!! I’ll admit I have left 2 year old DS to put the kettle on for his bedtime milk but we’re in a flat so the kitchen is literally next door to the bathroom and I talk to him throughout the 30-40 seconds it takes so can hear him talking back. YANBU OP.

I very valid concern. I’ve had to catch my dd several times when she’s tried that move. If I hadn’t been there she’d have absolutely banged her head on the tiled wall.

I’d be swapping roles so you’re doing the bath as what your DH is doing is incredibly dangerous. Even if it means moving bathtime/feed times to accommodate this.

Blimey I would not just be “getting annoyed” I would be going ballistic at your husband. You need to spell it out for him, your children could die in minutes every time he leaves them unattended. Leaving them on the bath is an unforgivable action in my mind.

This is a hill I would die on tbh and I'd be getting in his face with decibels coming out of my mouth.

He's a fucking idiot.

Sorry OP, you can't trust him to look after them properly.

My daughter is 3 and privacy is a huge thing for her at the moment, all part of a new love of independence, so I will step away to draw curtains in her room, lay out pyjamas etc. and then sit on the top stair just out of her line of vision, but I can hear her singing or talking to me/her toys the entire time, and I'm about 10ft away MAX.
If I hear water slosh, I check.
If it goes momentarily quiet, I check.
If she calls me, I answer immediately.
I would never dream of putting a hoover on or even the kettle! Your DH might think he's multitasking efficiently but he is not thinking it through and he really mustn't leave them. When they're 3 and 5 or 4 and 6 maybe a little more, but even then, two together are more likely to tussle, or try to splash or just generally mess around than one on their own. It is a huge risk.

If he CBA to engage with his kids while they are in the bath - play and talk with them, this is quality time! - then why on earth doesn’t he just make sure they’re washed and get them out?

Jesus H Christ, how thick is he?

I still have the scar today (very faint mind) from my epic bath incident aged just about 5.

Same sort of set up, in the bath with my sister, I stood up to reach something off the sink next to the bath - slipped, knocked a razor off the sink, some how dragged my arm across it and twatted my head on either the sink or bath side.

Sister by all acounts sat there, made not a sound (aged 3 and a half) as I slithered into the bath and filled it with blood. Carried on playing with her toys.

Mother had nipped downstairs (a flight and a half) to grab something, she got back juuuust as I was about to slide under the water. She'd heard the bump and yell but in no way had she imagined the horror scene that she walked back into! Had that been longer, by a minute, had she not heard the scream...

That was the end of neck deep (so good) baths and she never nipped out of the room again!

Yes he is really fucking thick and anyone not going absolutely mental at their husband leaving toddlers in the bath to go do the hoovering and not refuse to let him anywhere near a bath tub is also really fucking thick

I felt like I should add to this that we only have a shower so DS is in a pop-up toddler bath in the shower tray that he’s too big to lie down (or slip down) in. He’s basically sitting in a big washing up tub. When we move imminently to a place with a full size bath I won’t ever leave him.

What are you afraid of? You don’t have to be ruled by a 3 year old. You’re the adult. You’re her mother. The risk of drowning is a bigger risk than her privacy being invaded. At 3 she has to defer to parental experience and authority in these matters whether she likes it or not. You being banished to the stairs by a toddler is ridiculous.

Unless your husband absolutely understands why he cannot do this and you are certain he will not do it again, I think you have to do all bath-times from now on. I'd not let him away scotfree though, he'd be doing some other (new) chore at that time instead.

I'd have been absolutely furious if my DH had left them alone in the bath at that age! But luckily, he's not a stupid arsehole who would endanger his children, so he never did 🙄 bloody annoying for you that you can't trust him with the simple task of bathing his children!

So many horror stories that have happened due to such negligence. I would be concerned about him leaving the 2 year old in particular. A few months ago my 4 year old son was having a bath with the shower turned on, on the floor of the bath. I went in the next room to get him a clean towel because he soaked his with the shower. I left the room for maybe 15 seconds, if that. During that time he had picked up the shower off the floor of the bath which somehow caused the water to get extremely hot. He burnt the entire back of his leg and it blistered horrifically. He was in bandages for weeks. I still feel so guilty and awful. I never leave them to even get a towel or PJs now, not even for a second.

There is nothing more important than ensuring their safety and he would do well to take this seriously. Anything could happen. Its one thing to leave them but to downstairs (!!!) And then start hoovering (!!!!!!!!!!) Goodness me. What was he thinking. Do not back down on this. Maybe you should just do the baths instead, it's not worth the risk.