AIBU to expect DH to do screen-free mornings with toddler?

[Waheymum]

I'm 8-9 months pregnant. This morning our toddler woke up at five and I went to her. I tried to settle her, then read her stories and sang songs before getting her up to have breakfast and play with her toys and do sticker books. DH (who worked late last night and is working over the weekend) only got up because I'm on a medication that means I have to fast before and after taking it so my energy runs low really quickly if I'm up playing with our toddler (I explained everything we'd done thus far so he could follow my lead), and he put Sesame Street on so he could swap with me but also not have to interact or do anything with DD (so basically got on with his morning routine).

AIBU to think that A) he should be continuing my (screen-free) morning routine, B) he could fit his caffeine, toileting, and shower routine into the hour plus I'm looking after our child so he isn't just leaving her in the care of a screen when he 'takes over', and C) he has absolutely no idea how tiring growing another human is (tips for how to explain this to him would be helpful; I've tried showing him articles and he queries whether anyone has scientific evidence for my claim).

Someone else must have been in my position. Please give me tips for how to change this, I don't know how I'm going to manage to continue fun, educational activities from 5am with DD1 when I have a (breastfed) newborn who will need me.

Gosh there's a lot of parents on here that give their kids screen time it seems. I completely understand you on this one, people have repeatedly said the TV does no harm but many studies have shown that it DOES. Babies and toddlers should have no screen time at all but that's for you and Dad to decide and you need to be on the same page in that regard.

But you do need to teach your toddler that they can't get up at 5am. They need to go back to sleep or play quietly until 7am. If they know they're getting TV time at 5am then they're going to forever wake up at 5am expecting it...

Out of curiosity how old are your kids?

You've all been up since 5am, you're pregnant, ill & fasting while he's worked later last night and will be working again over the weekend. If there's ever a time for sesame Street, this is it!

Really, half an hour of TV while he drinks a coffee and has a shower won't harm her, and if it gives you both enough slack that you don't get burnt out, could be the best option.

I had a 5am waker.
I used to plonk him on the floor and tell him to play quietly while I tried to doze on the sofa. Sometimes he even did.
You don't have to be doing "improving" activities constantly. It will actually be impossible when you have to look after a baby as well.

Honestly, you sound hard work.
When my kids woke up at 5am, Peppa pig on the iPad gave me another hour in bed and saved me from being a grumpy ogre for the rest of the day. Oldest is now 14 and he’s managed to grow up an intelligent, articulate and well adjusted boy so I don’t think it did any harm.

Wait what- your husband is telling you that being heavily pregnant is not exhausting ?!!
This is outrageous !

i actually found that when baby arrived things were easier because I wasn’t pregnant any more. I would sit breastfeeding baby on the sofa and the other children would cuddle and snuggle in either side of me. (I have 3 boys) We had quiet time, or chats, or I just put on a movie or cartoons for us all. I did a lot of babywearing as I didn’t have any husband or family help. Baby gets comfort and contact with you, but you have your hands free for looking after the others.
good luck !

Oh @Waheymum these are exactly the circumstances where screen time is the right choice. He's right. You're wrong.

Pop something nice and calming on the iPad and send her back to bed at 5am. Then you can do songs and stories while DH has his shower etc and then he can take over.

There is no value in being a martyr.

Umm no; you dont jump up at 5 am you say go back to bed and if not then sesame street on quietly is fine
No toddler needs didactic entertainment at 5cam

Sums it up brilliantly. YABVU.

ETA - I’m not young, as in my early tv viewing childhood was before Sesame Street was even released. However, we were ‘lucky’ in that we had a tv, was black/white obviously, but many didn’t. Anyway, I remember that’s how mum got her essential morning cleaning/activities done. We were made to sit on the lounge, tv turned on, meant to be child friendly program but boring, nothing like Sesame Street, we couldn’t move until mum finished what she needed to do. We all did well at school, went to uni and got good jobs. That compulsory morning tv didn’t hurt anyone. We did the same with our kids, and likewise they have done well in life despite the morning tv. So, you are being ridiculous.

I don’t agree you need to be entertaining your child at 5 am in the morning , they need to go back to sleep . It’s a habit that won’t break if you are going to do it constantly. No one is Mary Poppins in real life . And you don’t need to micromanage your husband..

I’ve been in your position and when I look back I realise I was being utterly purist for no reason. Thankfully I copped on to myself before I drove DH totally mad. DS had never watched tv until he was 2.5 and I was exhausted.

I’ve had to learn to relax and compromise with DH, as well as bringing him on board. So instead of a blanket ‘no screens’ I’d suggest he watch something with DS, even if just the first ten mins before popping off to do something. And encouraging fun stuff that’s isn’t screens, but no overdoing it.

When they get older, bringing them on the journey works. DH was ok with You Tube, I wasn’t so I let DS watch a bit and would then show DH a Mr Beast video or something equally crap and ask DH what he thought/should we block the channel. I had to compromise on a couple, but after a short while DH agreed that You Tube was toxic and unnecessary.

But kids need downtime too, especially in this hectic world, and even programs that aren’t strictly educational can spark interesting conversations.

Is the issue that she’s watching TV, or that he’s using it to get downtime, which you can’t then have unless you give more tv? If it’s that, agree who will have the ‘tv time’ session in advance.

And I also agree to not entertaining your child at 5am. I was quite pfb and still wouldn’t do it. It is so unsustainable, especially with two.

Haven't rtft but mine were early risers.

We got DS a Gro Clock so he had a visual to tell when it was 'properly' morning.

We toddler proofed his room and put a stair gate on it so he couldnt come in to us.

Bit of TV doesn't hurt.

I think once baby #2 is here, op, you’re going to embark on a very steep learning curve which will teach you the futility of trying to be dogmatic about raising children!

Also, I’m afraid to say no matter how tired you get growing another human, it’s as nothing, compared to how tired you will get juggling a toddler and a baby. A little screen time now and again will be your friend, believe me!

only have a second so not addressing the main question.

i recommend movibg your fasting med to a 3am wake-up while dealing with your newborn. I kept mine right on my nightstand. It made managing the medication routine with parenting much easier to just take it in the middle of the night.

How old is this toddler?

I would be working on getting her to sleep later

you do not want to be up at 5am entertaining a toddler and sorting out a newborn at same time

make it boring. Singing and stickers are fun.

equally screens will get you through this time

I don’t know why you are getting a hard time, OP, about the singing and entertainment without tv. You do what is best for your family. I had such a fussy toddler at that age that tv didn’t do anything at the time, so it was more in-person entertainment which was exhausting. The idea that my DC would go back to bed and wait patiently for another hour is ludicrous. Not unless I had the best earplugs on the planet.

But of your toddler can watch tv without fuss, I can’t see the problem if this is a way to get through some hard hours. With another child on the way, you probably will need to use the tv a little bit more. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

(Mine is now 3.5 and very different and has a few favourite tv shows now).

If your toddler wakes up at 5am, ypu don't want to reward them with attention and entertainment! If they sre doing it regularly then thry need to go to bed later or sleep less in tne day.

Oh there's a lot of people trying to make you feel bad for parenting your child.

Yes, toddlers wake up at 5am full of beans and are not going back to sleep. Sometimes you can settle back to sleep (as OP tried) but often they're just awake. Because they're a toddler. Sometimes the day just starts at 5am. It's 5am not 2am. Lots of people are up at this time for work, the gym, children.

Instead of giving this poor lady grief for actually parenting her child, maybe acknowledge she's doing amazingly for managing whilst 8-9 months pregnant without sticking the TV on. There are times when the electronic babysitter is vital to sanity but this isn't the first resort so you can get on with your day. Encouraging independence is great, but that isn't ever done by the TV especially with a toddler. Yes she should be reading, singing, playing. It's called parenting a toddler who is already up for the day, she's not encouraging them to wake early. They wake early because they're a toddler and their body clocks are different to that of an older child, teenager or adult.
If she can do it I'm sure her husband can, especially as it's obviously important to her.
Probably a very unpopular view.

You are continuing a style of parenting that will be unachievable when #2 comes along. Your husband’s slightly lazier approach might reduce the resentment #1 feels as your way might mean a harsher change in experience.

My eldest was notoriously an early waker, all the way up until 14/15. He’s 16 now and a great kid- highly intelligent, no MH issues, well grounded etc. I definitely did not get up and do sticker books and sing songs when he was up every day at 5am. He got the TV.

Wouldn’t DH been at work?

He worked late and is working all weekend. Some screen time is fine. If you want to do things differently then you do it.

I don’t actively parent ttil
6.30am! Before that imo isn’t time for playing they should be asleep but if they a rent then it’s a calm tv programme and some warm milk. Your dh sounds a tit for not understanding pregnancy is huge on our bodies but you also sound like abit of a martyr.