All men should be aware of this

[mildlysweaty]

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

So nothing then. Other than never swivelling his own head and carrying his belongings in his hands instead of a bag. Gotcha!

This is true but abusers isolate from everyone. And other women are best helped to get a woman out. Not her jumping to another potentially abusive man

Existing.

Is it really such a big ask? To walk without stopping for a few 100m? Like why do you hate women this much?

I didn't say I was? I was making the point that its not a given fact that women can't do these things.

I taught my son as a teenager to make sure that he gave women appropriate space, especially when out running or at night.

• don’t run up behind lone women.
• cross the road or take wide berth into road whilst walking past lone women at night
• don’t sit on a bench with a woman is already sat on at an empty tube station

I find the vast majority of men do this when out and about and I appreciate it.

This poster has said they're in Brazil, from their posts sounds a lot more unsafe there to be out if you're female.
I agree though, I don't avoid doing those things either like a lot of us, appreciate being in the UK is a privilege though.

Looking over his shoulder and opening his backpack? I wouldn’t have registered this as ANY way threatening.

worldwide it’s more likely than not they can’t.

Yes it is a lot more unsafe generally but I don’t think the uk is that different in terms of what’s considered sensible. I know loads of women who carry their keys in their hands and I lived there a while ago. Loads who don’t open the door if they’re not expecting anyone if there home alone. It just doesn’t happen as often as it happens here

😂😂😂
Fair play. You had me for a while

All down to the OPs perceptions and assumptions.

What is evident on this thread is some women are more fearful than others.
Some women perceive men as dangerous while others don't.

As I said earlier, as a 59 year old woman I wouldn't have found this situation fearful or intimidating. I feel I'd have a greater chance of being hurt or killed crossing a road on the way to the shops, than passing a male stranger on a walk in the woods. Anyone have the statistical odds on that?

I cant for the life of me see what this man did wrong! Perhaps he was anxious of you as you did turn around and start following him. I have a male friend who is currently going through a really bad breakup and is suffering from depression. He goes for long walks in the forestry because he can be alone. Perhaps this man was the same. By all means be aware when walking alone but you cant tarnish all men as attackers

No it is not fairly commonly known by men.
I asked the three men in my life and it wouldn't even enter their minds to cross the road. They would'nt get up close behind a woman but they certainly wouldn't cross the road

Do you think they might now that they know they might be scaring someone a bit? You don't have to be up close to make someone nervous. Although it might seem irrational to some women, a lot of others would feel nervous at night knowing there was a man following behind even at some distance. Men are likely to be walking faster than a woman too so he's closing the gap which heightens the anxiety.

Just the simple gesture of crossing the road communicates "It's ok, you're safe"
It's fairly commonly known to men I know - I've seen this advice often in crime/safety programmes etc. I'm sure other people here have too.

OP if you are that scared of seeing a man who was behaving normally and probably thought you were strange walking past him then turning round and following him when out on walks in lonely places walk in more populated areas in future

I just can't imagine living with this level of anxiety and paranoia. It can't be good for you OP

According to the 2022 UK Femicide census (121 women killed by a man) you have a greater chance of being killed by your own son than by a stranger.

What sticks out to me is that you turned round to follow him, from his perspective. I bet he felt majorly uncomfortable about that, so he stopped to let you pass rather than continue with a possible unhinged woman behind him.

In your original post you say he only looked back when you were ‘a few feet’ behind him (so a few steps behind, which is close) and he then stopped so you could overtake. In your subsequent posts you say i) he ‘kept looking back’ at you, and ii) have provided a diagram to show you weren’t ‘right behind the guy’. So which is it?

It sounds like this 'Gift of Fear' book has a lot to answer for. So even if a man did nothing other than to stop and look in his bag in the vicinity of a woman who was herself acting a bit strangely, if she thinks he's a wrong 'un then that becomes cast iron fact? Even if she can't articulate anything he actually did wrong, that doesn't matter because in a couple of weeks she definitely will remember something that makes it obvious he was up to no good (like what exactly)? Sounds like nonsense, but if you want to put being irrationally afraid of nothing on an intellectual footing then that's your prerogative. I'm just happy that I don't see the world like that.

So the general consensus is that men are rarely a threat to women and you're more likely to be murdered by your own husband. If that's the case then why the bloody uproar about men in women's changing rooms?

There are some dangerous violent men out there but I won’t be put off going to the woods, I love it there. I sometimes go at night.

He only stopped because she gone out of her way to follow him, all on basis he had long hair FFS!

A woman is more likely to be murdered by her own husband in no small part because he has more opportunity. He has access to her behind closed doors when she is off guard and vulnerable. You can probably see the parallel there with a man in a women's changing room, and conclude why it's more problematic than a man in the street.

OP, I don't quite believe I'm going to write this, as I'm not anxious ever really. (I walk daily on my own, often around a few large, forrested park areas, and I'm not easily spooked.) However, just yesterday I collected a small item I'd seen on FB Marketplace. It was on my way home from work, a small item, & I'd been communicating with a female profile. When I arrived it was a man who answered. He didn't say much, quite dismissive really, so I handed over the money & left. Large house in a very nice area. But he had a really mean face. I'm not usually judgy at all, I'm a super friendly sort, but honestly there was just something about him that was off. I hadn't really thought about how someone can seem so mean without saying much, but there you are.

I can see how you may have got a bad vive from just seeing this man. Perhaps he & my mean faced guy are both absolutely lovely, but if a vive is off it's strange.