All men should be aware of this

[mildlysweaty]

I went for a walk in the sunshine around the back of my child’s school before pickup today. Usually the odd dog walker passes by but it’s pretty remote/foresty. I do this walk often but never go fully into the woods bit alone - because I’m female.

I was walking towards the woods and a person with long hair was walking my way - wrongly assumed it was a woman but when I passed them I realised it was a man in his 30s. I’ve passed plenty of men before walking their dogs, generally they give a nod and carry on. I started to feel a bit uneasy so rather than continue in that direction, I stopped a little further then turned around and started walking back (same way bloke was going).

I was a few feet behind him when he looked back over his shoulder back at me, then he stopped (with his back to me) and started opening his backpack. I felt bad vibes, there was no one else around. I managed to speed walk past him and pretended to phone my husband and had my car key ready to use if needed but all was okay in the end, I then passed some women walking.

In all honesty it could’ve been totally benign but any decent man should know that this sort of behaviour is intimidating for a woman, who’s alone, especially with nobody else around.

To get to my point: ALL men should understand how women need to be programmed to be wary of them, and how they can help is by ensuring they aren’t doing anything that could feel intimidating. They don’t know what it’s like to be a woman, but any decent man should be aware and conscious of how their behaviour may impact. I have reminded my husband of this today. It took a while to shake the feeling from this afternoon.

if voting I guess YABU = men don’t need to know this
YANBU = yes they do need to know this, it’s a way they can help

This. I teach my son's to be respectfull of women, but they also need to respectful if him. I teach them to not go out of there way if a women is approaching, they don't need to cross roads etc. my kids walk alongside busy roads, why should they put themselves at risk by crossing them? As long as they arnt doing anything wrong they why should they? No man has ever crossed to road to avoid passing me and nothing has ever happened, we normally say a polite hello. That's what I've taught my boys

No-one is spreading hate or fear or discrimination and mistrust about men.

Men do that all by themselves when they rape and assault women which they do everyday of every week up and down the country.

1 in 8 girls in this country is raped before reaching her 18th birthday.

If you really cared about trust, you'd do something to reduce the prevalence of rape or to facilitate the processing of rape cases in the courts - such as campaigning for rape-specific courts so that rape victims don't have to wait years to get to court in the first place. You could also campaign for minimum sentences for rape and longer sentences for rape than are currently given to make women and children safer.

In broad daylight that is normal behaviour surely? I think its more on you feeling on edge, that wouldn't particularly have bothered me as an older woman.

Do you understand how priveleged it is to be able to do this without fear or wariness?
that’s the point of this thread. Jesus Christ

She wanted him to do what any decent man would have done!!!!!!

There will be no follow up questions on this point

Exactly how I’ve taught mine too.

Some men. Fixed it for you.

Those stats are from Unicef and global figures NOT the uk.

What a horrible thread. The number of people (presumably mainly women, but who knows) picking apart the OP to find fault in the detail or criticising her for daring to feel vulnerable is shocking.

Male violence against women, including sexually motivated violence, is a commonplace reality supported by hard statistical evidence. Women have good reason to feel threatened, especially in isolated situations. Men should be more aware and more empathetic. Not being predisposed to violence against women is not good enough. Being aware that just your presence is enough to cause fear, and doing your reasonable best to mitigate that is not a big ask.

In relation to the example in the OP you are absolutely overreacting. So much so I'd seek councelling to overcome this batshit reaction to absolutely nothing.

And having had a male child that was raped and been through the court system I can assure you that the issues with the system are not what you have listed and your suggestions will not fix it.

Which is what? Sorry I’m obviously not getting it. And I haven’t read all the thread so may have missed it if you’ve already said. I have sons and various other male relatives, so what should I be advising they do in a situation like this?

But the guy did. He stopped and let the lady past. There really wasn't anything else he could have done part from disappear which is impossible

Ok. Then tell us what exactly this man did wrong?

Be a decent man in the first place so the amount of sexual and physical violence goes down and women have less reason to be frightened in the first place?
be empathetic to the fact that their mere presence is enough to make some women feel uncomfortable in situations like this
You’re not powerless

I think many on here despise their husbands and sons. The hate for men is so strong that they must be hypocrites to have such a reaction to men but go home and be decent to their family.

But what should he have done at the time? What could he have done better?

This. You turned and followed him.

I agree at night in shady areas men need to be aware of the impact of their presence, but he was just walking, he passed you, didn't interact, you then turned and followed him, he then probably heard you and either stopped so you could pass, or because he felt awkward or uncomfortable that you had turned and followed him or maybe he just wanted something out of his bag. It's your behaviour that's odd in this scenario.

So because the man stopped to look in his bag whilst being followed he’s not descent- okaaaay🤔

we discussed that this man did nothing wrong but op wasn’t wrong in feeling vulnerable and that the problem was the male violence against women in general, not any specific person in the situation.

we discussed that this man did nothing wrong but op wasn’t wrong in feeling vulnerable and that the problem was the male violence against women in general, not any specific person in the situation.

Not been born is all I can think of

I am confused to understand what the issue is here and what men need to be aware of…

@DeftWasp

To be fair, not everyone wants or sees the need to speak to strangers who they're walking by.

I rarely acknowledge strangers if I'm walking past them. I don't know them.

Seems to be quite common to say hello to perfect strangers in some parts of the USA, which I used to be find quite odd when I was a kid - but I understand that that's the norm in some places.

Of course? It doesn't change the fact that he did nothing wrong and shouldn't have behaved differently. (If anything, stopping to let a woman walking at a faster pace pass you is the better option.)