Aibu to be fed up with work ringing and sending messages

[geekygardener]

Hi all,

I don’t think I’m going to do anything about this because I don’t want to cause trouble, but I’m just fed up and I’m not sure if I’m being a bit picky or against what is usual.

I have worked in the same place for a number of years. I recently moved department and started a new, but similar, role.

Prior to my move, I struggled to put in boundaries with work and time off and would answer calls and messages outside of work all the time. I worked endless unpaid overtime and never switched off. Eventually this, along with the intensity of the role itself, led to me feeling burnt out.

I work 3 days a week. I do work flexibly at times if required, and often step in to cover, changing my working days and what have you. I don’t mind this if I am available. I often do this with little notice. I’m fortunate that my dh can also switch things around at work to cover days I am usually picking up or looking after my children. However, after moving departments I realised how often I was doing this, at the detriment of prioritising my own children. My work is continually short staffed, needing cover most days.

One of my children has health issues and needs care so when I’m not in work, I have caring responsibilities that cannot be picked up by other people, apart from dh. Plus we have no family support. My work knows this as I have openly told everyone.

Anyway, since moving departments I have been trying hard to stick to my scheduled hours and days and keep boundaries about not being constantly available outside of this.

Despite my new department going on and on about protecting people’s health and wellbeing and respecting people’s time off, something they say they feel strongly about, they keep contacting me outside of my working hours.

Last week I got quite a few calls, messages and emails from after 5pm one day, through my day off the next day, and in the next morning before I started work on the third day. This is not the first time but as it was so relentless, spanning over days, I politely discussed with my manager that I cannot be available outside of my working hours as I have children and caring responsibilities. The reason they were contacting me was not an emergency and they did so from various numbers so it’s difficult to know if it’s work or not, so I might answer assuming it’s the school or something. I did say to my manager that I can be flexible at times but if cover is needed I will only see work calls, messages and emails while I’m in work so if I am contacted outside of this, I won’t see it therefore won’t know cover is needed. Therefore they can assume I’m not available to swap shifts. I am happy to be asked when I’m in work.

I did explain to my manger how burnt out I became in my previous role and how that affected my ability to do the job well. So the boundaries are helpful for the company too.

Despite these conversations, and despite me also talking openly about this to my team last week, staff have continued to contact me. I am off today and I have had a few calls before 8am !

Also earlier in the week a different manger contacted me 2 hours before my start time and was quite rude and abrupt, telling me that the company and clients takes priority, so I should be available to cover. I also had a call the evening before asking me why I hadn’t responded to an email about an early client meeting the next day, the manger was again quite abrasive. I explained that as I am not in work I have not read the email, I don’t/wont open my emails outside of work,and the early client meeting is before my start time which unfortunately I can’t cover this time because I have children to drop at school, it was now after 6pm so too short notice for me to arrange alternative childcare.

I felt like I had been fair and reasonable. But then getting these calls today when I’m off and at 8am right in the middle of getting children ready for school has really annoyed me. Luckily I didn’t answer this time.

Are people really expected to be available all the time? Am I being harsh here. I am not a highly paid employee either, I’m on an average salary.

As I said I don’t think il do anything about this yet, other than ignore the calls and hope they get the message, but I am actually sat here really questioning myself and it’s caused stress this week.

thanks for reading…

Do you have a work phone/work laptop or are you receiving these on a personal device?
It isnt realistic for people to track others working patterns especially if they're likely to change, but equally there shouldn't be an expectation for you to be looking at emails or answering calls when you're not in work (assuming you're in UK, I know US is different) Surely you would just have a work device and put an out of office reply and update your voicemail so that people know when you'll be picking up their message/email?

It's usual in many jobs now for people to work flexibly (eg taking time out to do the school run and catching up on emails in the evenings) but just because someone is sending emails doesn't mean they expect them to be read at that time. Unless it's within some agreed core hours, or a specific expectation to be online to accommodate time differences when working internationally.

Are you me?

I work 3 days a week and kept answering calls and work texts out of hours and on my days off.

I’m currently working on boundaries and getting therapy at the moment

You are most likely a people pleaser I can only assume

”I most likely won’t do anything about it to cause trouble” YABU

You need to speak up and stop answering calls and texts, that’s what I did and now they’ve got the message

Your workplace is behaving appallingly.

Make a log of all the contacts you are receiving outwith work hours and a note of all the conversations you have had with your manager.

Then present them both so that she can see the true volume of this.

If that still doesn't work then you need to present the same evidence to HR as a grievance.

And don't answer your phone or respond to anything outwith your hours.

@geekygardener it really is as simple as turning off your phone or blocking work 5pm - 9am?

I work 3 days a week and kept answering calls and work texts out of hours and on my days off.

Why @Radiostar0 ?

If you have a work phone switch it off. If not, why are you using your own phone for work?

Are you able to get a phone just for work? That way, you can keep it switched off when you’re not working.

If they’re contacting you on a personal phone, then I’d seriously consider changing my number and provide them the number for the work phone instead.

I used to have a colleague who’d send all-staff emails at 6am, despite everyone in the workplace working 8am-4pm. It drove us all crazy, so I sympathise.

I would suggest getting a second phone (if work won’t provide you with a work phone) and keep it turned off whilst not at work/available to take calls.
If the passive aggressive behaviour continues because you continue to receive pushback against this, take up with HR and go through the formal route of complaining. However this is obviously their work ethic there and you are likely compromising future promotion.
You probably should look at applying for another job. There are better ones out there to suit your family commitments.

Can you put a voicemail and/or automatic message in place stating what your working hours are, and that there may be a delay replying to messages sent outside this time? Then mute notifications and cals outside of the times you are not working.

I think it is fair enough for someone to send an email outside of your working time but only if they accept you will pick it up when you are next logged on. I send emails at odd times myself but my team all know I have no expectation that they will respond in the evening or at the weekend.

I'd complain about anyone getting on your case about that, it's not reasonable.

Log every time they have called or expected to answer an email outside of your normal working pattern and present that to your manager whilst quoting back anything the company states about mental health and wellbeing.

My friend, who is a manager, works odd hours including evenings and weekends due to the nature of the business, other members of staff work set hours. At the bottom of her email it says you may receive communication from me outside your normal hours. You should only be looking at this during your working hours and responding in your working hours. It also reminds them that a break from work is important.

I would suggest a second phone but I fear that if they do not get you on the work phone they will try your other number. So compile times, contact etc and put it in writing to your manager that your working days are X and working hours are Y.

No this is awful, I wouldn’t dream of contacting a colleague like this unless it was some sort of life or death situation. I’ve only done it once in the 10 years of being a manager and this was because someone vulnerable was at risk if I didn’t.

How are you seeing calls and e-mails. You don’t have a work phone or laptop?

https://youtube.com/shorts/c6rJRzXVlTA

Get a work phone. Leave automatic replies on email/ voicemail saying when you’re next in. Leave it in your car/at work when you are not working.
delete everything work related from your phone/personal laptop.

I voted YABU. Ask for a work phone. Do not answer work calls or messages. Anyone important such as school will leave a message.

Nobody likes a martyr and this situation won’t change. You have to change your response.

In my experience telling people what you’re boundaries are won’t work - only enforcing them works, and even then only over time, especially if they are used to you responding in the past. I really sympathise. I had to do this with family (eldest daughter - unreasonable expectations). Any explaining with words became an opportunity for them to push back. Show, don’t tell - it works in the end.

I’m assuming that there are also advantages to this job & that ideally you’d like to keep it - finding new PT roles is tough at the best of times. So-

Just because they send you messages/ emails etc doesn’t mean you have to read or answer them until you’re back on a work day.
It may be difficult to train your colleagues to realise that, but if you’re to stay in this job, you need to.
Can you tell colleagues when you’re on work? put Out of Office on? Respond to messages with “I’m not in the office until X & will reply then”
Take control of the situation to stop them taking the p—- out of you.

Your workplace is behaving appallingly, YANBU.

Are you part of a union? If you aren’t then now would be a good time to join. Could you contact ACAS to have a chat about where you stand?

I explained it all in my comment, you must of read that and not the rest? I had issues with boundaries and people pleasing / not wanting to upset others. I’ve been getting therapy and I’ve stopped.

Set an out of office message noting your workimg days/emails and that you will not be available. Add a colleague to be contacted in your absence.

Ask for a work phone and if they say no, buy a cheapie.

I work three days too. Am flexible but within my boundaries.

If they continue to bother, note the time spent and request it in lieu.

I work set hours and there is zero expectation of any sort of contact outside these hours (many people work Flexi and keep very strange hours, but their emails state that response is not required outside our hours).

DH is paid a much higher salary and is often expected to work beyond usual hours, evenings, weekends, travel for weeks at a time etc. but he's getting big bucks and it is accepted that he is available for the big stuff outside the 9-5.

If you are in the former category op you need to log every single interaction and present this to your manager and HR. This is NOT acceptable at all

What was the response from your manager when you had that discussion? It's very different if it's them contacting you / your team, or other employees in the business.

The issue I can see is that you don't seem to have a work phone that you can turn off when you're not at work.

We have a few people working part-time, I honestly cannot tell you whether they work Monday morning or Wednesday afternoon, it's impossible to keep track. The only way I know is through their outlook auto-reply, and if I have emailed them outside their working hours then I either forward to someone else, or know I won't get a response until their next working day.

If you use phone calls a lot, then asking for a work phone would be reasonable.

Or - although you shouldn't have to - you could buy yourself a cheap SIM only phone that you only use for work.

Don’t respond to any emails except in your working hours. Don’t answer your phone ditto if the call is from a number that could be a work number - if it is urgent, whoever it is will leave a message, which you can listen to to find out if it’s something non-work-related.

I do have a work phone that I leave in my bag when not at work. But then I get calls on my personal phone. I don’t know how people have got my personal number as I never gave it out, other than to HR

You need to bring this out as a GDPR then you haven’t given it out. Work phone and work iPad stay in your back. Out of office auto reply when you aren’t here. Email signature has your working days and hours on it- you have to be ruthless.

Email nice to HR and line manager

Dear HR Team,
I am writing to request some clarification regarding the company’s policy on out-of-hours communication.
Currently, my working hours are Monday to Wednesday, 11:00 am – 4:00 pm. However, I have recently been contacted regarding work matters on my personal email and mobile phone outside of these scheduled times.
Could you please clarify the company’s expectations for responding to communications outside of core hours? Additionally, I don’t recall providing my personal mobile number for work purposes, so I would appreciate it if you could confirm how my contact details are being used and the specific circumstances under which I should expect to be reached externally.
Thank you for your help with this.
Best regards,
Claire

That sounds like a breach of gdpr.

It sounds like a very chaotic place to work. No wonder you burnt out.