Aibu to be fed up with work ringing and sending messages

[geekygardener]

Hi all,

I don’t think I’m going to do anything about this because I don’t want to cause trouble, but I’m just fed up and I’m not sure if I’m being a bit picky or against what is usual.

I have worked in the same place for a number of years. I recently moved department and started a new, but similar, role.

Prior to my move, I struggled to put in boundaries with work and time off and would answer calls and messages outside of work all the time. I worked endless unpaid overtime and never switched off. Eventually this, along with the intensity of the role itself, led to me feeling burnt out.

I work 3 days a week. I do work flexibly at times if required, and often step in to cover, changing my working days and what have you. I don’t mind this if I am available. I often do this with little notice. I’m fortunate that my dh can also switch things around at work to cover days I am usually picking up or looking after my children. However, after moving departments I realised how often I was doing this, at the detriment of prioritising my own children. My work is continually short staffed, needing cover most days.

One of my children has health issues and needs care so when I’m not in work, I have caring responsibilities that cannot be picked up by other people, apart from dh. Plus we have no family support. My work knows this as I have openly told everyone.

Anyway, since moving departments I have been trying hard to stick to my scheduled hours and days and keep boundaries about not being constantly available outside of this.

Despite my new department going on and on about protecting people’s health and wellbeing and respecting people’s time off, something they say they feel strongly about, they keep contacting me outside of my working hours.

Last week I got quite a few calls, messages and emails from after 5pm one day, through my day off the next day, and in the next morning before I started work on the third day. This is not the first time but as it was so relentless, spanning over days, I politely discussed with my manager that I cannot be available outside of my working hours as I have children and caring responsibilities. The reason they were contacting me was not an emergency and they did so from various numbers so it’s difficult to know if it’s work or not, so I might answer assuming it’s the school or something. I did say to my manager that I can be flexible at times but if cover is needed I will only see work calls, messages and emails while I’m in work so if I am contacted outside of this, I won’t see it therefore won’t know cover is needed. Therefore they can assume I’m not available to swap shifts. I am happy to be asked when I’m in work.

I did explain to my manger how burnt out I became in my previous role and how that affected my ability to do the job well. So the boundaries are helpful for the company too.

Despite these conversations, and despite me also talking openly about this to my team last week, staff have continued to contact me. I am off today and I have had a few calls before 8am !

Also earlier in the week a different manger contacted me 2 hours before my start time and was quite rude and abrupt, telling me that the company and clients takes priority, so I should be available to cover. I also had a call the evening before asking me why I hadn’t responded to an email about an early client meeting the next day, the manger was again quite abrasive. I explained that as I am not in work I have not read the email, I don’t/wont open my emails outside of work,and the early client meeting is before my start time which unfortunately I can’t cover this time because I have children to drop at school, it was now after 6pm so too short notice for me to arrange alternative childcare.

I felt like I had been fair and reasonable. But then getting these calls today when I’m off and at 8am right in the middle of getting children ready for school has really annoyed me. Luckily I didn’t answer this time.

Are people really expected to be available all the time? Am I being harsh here. I am not a highly paid employee either, I’m on an average salary.

As I said I don’t think il do anything about this yet, other than ignore the calls and hope they get the message, but I am actually sat here really questioning myself and it’s caused stress this week.

thanks for reading…

I think you simply stop answering any calls from a number you don’t recognise for a while. If it is something urgent - work or personal - the person will leave a message which you can listen to as soon as it has been left to work out if it’s school, something like the opticians or a car service or work. And then the work ones you ignore. It’s really tough but it will eventually work, or at least work most of the time. Alternatively, if you’re in a unique role and they are likely to need your expertise outside of your set hours, agree to work, say, three additional hours per week but, rather than them being specific hours, they are floating hours so that you can deal with these additional calls. The problem with this is that you are then accepting that you will deal with the calls

“I’m not available outside of work hours, but I’m happy to discuss what you want when I’m next in”. Repeat every time they contact you forever

Hm. Changing to a new private number / email would seem to be indicated.

You should be raising several aspects of this with HR, however. Have you explicitly given permission for your private number to be shared for use outside working hours? If not I would ask HR why it has been given out, and to whom, and request that they deal with it (ie notify everyone who has it that they don’t have permission to use it.)

And I would ask for the company policy on out of hours working. Should there be anything useful in it, copy and paste the relevant part and add it to your out of hours email response to work emails.

They shouldn't be ringing your personal phone and you need to stop answering when you know it's work. Can you change your number? Easier said than done I know. But you can block work numbers.

And this. Concise, clear and polite!

I think you go to HR explain all this and ask how people have got your private number. Ask how you stop colleagues phoning you on your private number. Put the onus on them to sort it for you. And then you switch your work phone off. Make a list for HR of who has phoned, contacted you and when. Agree with asking for their policies on this.

Its the shit part of working pt. It’s like you get paid less but are expected to be available ft hours. My boss was so bad at contacting people on their holidays - like a total control thing- that we all eventually had had enough. I told him that I was muting everything and if he needed me he’d have to come round to my house and ask me in person if it was that urgent. I work in a v small organisation though with no HR.

If you want to look like you are not being deliberately unhelpful I’d tell your boss that if there is an absolute emergency they can message you but no one else. It will filter out all the nonsense that people are being too lazy to work out themselves.

OP,

You have literally bent over backwards for this organization who are absalutely taking advantage of you, rudely insulted you and turned a blind eye to your first and most important responsibility is your children, whose needs have to come first.

I suggest that you get into a union asap, a union rep will be armed with the info to defend you, as your work ethic is exemplary.

Then this needs dealing with … they should NOT be contacting you on your personal phone and I would formally request this stop, do it in writing and copy in HR! Also ensure you put an out of office message in your email for the non working days and state when you are back to work and then able to respond.

They are taking the mickey!
I think you need to find out where people got your personal number from. They may not even know you have a separate work phone.

Can you put call screening on your personal phone? Then the caller has to announce who they are and you choose to reject their call.

Take work emails off your personal phone if you get them there.

I appreciate you need to be able to answer if school calls, but doesn't your phone display the name of the school when they ring? Can you make sure their number is saved in your phone so it does?

Then just stop answering calls from unknown numbers.

And each time someone does get through to you, save it in your phone as Work1, work2, work3 etc and next time you know not to answer from that number

Change your personal phone number and don’t give it to them. If it’s a work phone then switch it off until you’re due to be working.

Some people in my work also put their hours in their email signatures.

I’d probably be looking for another job though as they sound awful.

You will know the numbers of your family and friends. Don't answer any other calls for a period of time, let them leave a voicemail and call them back if they are genuine and not work colleagues. The ones you call back you can say you have had nuisance calls, which in a way the work colleagues are.

If that does not work, you need to be firmer and if you say to a colleague that they must not call you out of hours unless an emergency. If that fails, look at calling it harassment and be prepared to involve HR.

Put your out of office on and don’t answer your phone.

My son has a box that he puts his phone into. It locks and only releases after a preset time. I have no idea what it s called but it sounds like it could be perfect for you!

I agree with this - and when you do discover a number is a work colleague, block it on your phone or are the very least save it in your phone as 'work Dave' etc so you know to ignore it in future.

It's unprofessional and a data breach if HR have given out your private mobile number without permission. That aside, YANBU to want to carve out a life for yourself outside of work. Companies that take advantage like this don't actually value you as a human being; they'lI just keep piling the work on until you break and then they'll find someone else.

I would change my personal number and not give it to anyone at work (including work 'mates' who you may go to lunch with or occassionally see after work). Don't look at emails or your work phone when you are not working.

Change your personal number and dont give it to work.

Get a PAYG SIM and stick it in an old phone. That’s your work phone. It’s on when you’re on, it’s off when you’re off.

"Unless I am being paid manager, clients do not come first on my days off my child with health problems do....respectfully. You are paid a full time wage fpr a reason and I am not. I will not therefore, be answering non urgent calls outside work. This is unreasonable and guilt tripping me into replying whilst I'm looking after a sick child and expecting an immediate, unpaid response whilst contacting me on my personal number which I have not given to you [breach of gdpr there ..maybe -op] . "
This is what I would be tempted to say but it may not look good especially as you are new to the role.^

Change your number and start again.

If you continue to get work calls on your personal phone, you need to submit a complaint and they need to investigate how your number is being shared.

I’d say calls after 5pm is fine, as long as it doesn’t go on all night but not on your day off. The odd one off on a non working day is fine but not a constant stream.

It sounds like your role is needed to be full time and the needs of the businesss are incompatible with someone doing it part time. You should be looking for a genuine part time job elsewhere, and they should be looking for a full time employee to replace you.

It seems to me your company is paying you part time for what should be a full time role. Why don't you see if you can find a new job elsewhere?

Emails and messages are fine - people send them when it suits them and you wait to read them/ respond when it suits you. That’s how it works.

calls are different, if they know you’re not working it’s not right to call but if they don’t know it can’t be helped, just don’t answer.

Ok.

Put on an out of office every time you are away that clearly states your working hours.

Don't answer any calls from work to your personal mobile.

Tell your manager that your personal mobile is not to be used, and if this continues you will complain to HR.

Speak to your manager about building resilence in the team so there is someone who oicks up urgent work and queries when you are not working.

I came to realise that if you give any work colleague your number, even once, you are effectively giving them a licence to call you whenever and wherever it suits them.

For a while I would only give my employer a landline number which, funnily enough, no one seemed to want to call (because they know that you aren’t constantly available on it, right?) and insisted on a work phone. I also logged onto the personal bit of the HR system and substituted my landline for my mobile number.

Over time I came to the conclusion that this was perhaps a bit restrictive and now that I am self employed I simply have a separate work phone. I give out this number to anyone and everyone work-related, but my personal number remains exactly that. The main advantage is that if the work phone rings then I know it is a work call.

Put your work number and hours on your email signature and simultaneously send round an email saying that you have had to change your number so will only be using your work number going forward. And definitely don’t give your personal number out again because they have already shown that they cannot be trusted to respect your personal time!